Apparently not the things that I would of once thought. No matter how disgusting and horrific it becomes, I'm trapped here as if I liked the suffering. I am so absolutely disgusted with life, its beyond all words and comprehension. Good god, I hate life so fucking much and resent it as a whole. I really just wish this would end but as my post points out, all the things I would have once thought may lead me to do it have not actually ended up with that outcome. Can't eat, can't sleep, no joy, just abject misery. Oh, wait it is not actually abject, I only think it is, just like i thought before.