G
girlsfoodgear
Member
- Jul 21, 2023
- 13
cocaine and sleeping tablets (diphenhydramine/Benadryl) mostly, and if you count eating disorders as addictions then that too. incredibly rambly so i'll put it under spoilers.
How severe was/is it?
What issues does this specific addiction cause for you in general, or the issues caused when trying to quit (if trying/tried to)?
i've also struggled with heavy recreational abuse of ketamine and binge-drinking at certain points, although they were quite sporadic and mostly out of desperation so i don't consider them addictions/something that i still struggle with now.
How severe was/is it?
- cocaine: i still use far too often, minimum weekly but at my worst i was going through .5g a day. where i'm from, this is about £40-£50 a day depending on where you get it from. when i first started using, a .5 bag would last me at least a few days of heavy use, but my tolerance has skyrocketed.
- sleeping tablets: more of a dependency, but i'd use them somewhat recreationally like how others would use opiates to just block out the world and sleep. i don't like the effects of intentionally 'tripping' on it either but i've intentionally taken large doses to do so when things have been bad and i've not had access to anything else.
- eating disorder(s): when my anorexia was purely restrictive i was a higher weight but lost lots of it very quickly, and when it was binge/purge subtype (basically 'bulimia but you're underweight') my BMI was in the 14s and i was infertile, lost lots of hair, had no social life etc. i was binging and purging up to ten times a day which also fucked my heart.
- sleeping tablets: more of a dependency, but i'd use them somewhat recreationally like how others would use opiates to just block out the world and sleep. i don't like the effects of intentionally 'tripping' on it either but i've intentionally taken large doses to do so when things have been bad and i've not had access to anything else.
- eating disorder(s): when my anorexia was purely restrictive i was a higher weight but lost lots of it very quickly, and when it was binge/purge subtype (basically 'bulimia but you're underweight') my BMI was in the 14s and i was infertile, lost lots of hair, had no social life etc. i was binging and purging up to ten times a day which also fucked my heart.
What issues does this specific addiction cause for you in general, or the issues caused when trying to quit (if trying/tried to)?
- cocaine: mostly financial issues. i realised that it's essentially self-medicating my ADHD in the absence of actual medication as i started taking it frequently to motivate myself or get things done (like moving house, doing chores, or to focus on monotonous or big/complex tasks), so my life is actually way more together when i'm abusing it ironically. i'd like to be just a recreational user as i'm a party person so i'd rather associate it with a night out raving/clubbing than just what i need to be able to do the dishes. i maxed out credit cards and got myself into pretty deep financial trouble when i was prioritising using it over anything else. unfortunately i can't ever motivate myself to do even simple things without having it now. also made the effects of an overdose as a suicide attempt far worse as my heart is now pretty fucked, and said overdose wouldn't have been half as bad if my heart wasn't already damaged from cocaine abuse.
- sleeping tablets: i struggle to sleep without them; i rely on them to just knock me out within a certain timeframe instead of lying awake unable to drop off for hours. i also overdosed on them in March when i attempted suicide and parts of the process that i remember are seen through DPH-tinted lenses which makes taking them scarier.
- eating disorder(s): my overall health is ruined from years of thinking i was invincible and yo-yo'ing between different, equally as destructive behaviours. i'm in my twenties and am missing 4 teeth from stomach acid erosion, lack of nutrients, and neglect, and the rest of them are either decaying or wearing away, and all of them are too sensitive to treat without general anaesthetics which makes getting a dentist appointment 10x longer. i've been too deeply entrenched in it to feel like i'll ever just accept my body; i'm at least comfortable with how it is now but i still am wary of calories and restrict/sometimes purge if i think i've eaten too much or the guilt takes over. i'm just surprised that my heart has put up with as much as it has.
- sleeping tablets: i struggle to sleep without them; i rely on them to just knock me out within a certain timeframe instead of lying awake unable to drop off for hours. i also overdosed on them in March when i attempted suicide and parts of the process that i remember are seen through DPH-tinted lenses which makes taking them scarier.
- eating disorder(s): my overall health is ruined from years of thinking i was invincible and yo-yo'ing between different, equally as destructive behaviours. i'm in my twenties and am missing 4 teeth from stomach acid erosion, lack of nutrients, and neglect, and the rest of them are either decaying or wearing away, and all of them are too sensitive to treat without general anaesthetics which makes getting a dentist appointment 10x longer. i've been too deeply entrenched in it to feel like i'll ever just accept my body; i'm at least comfortable with how it is now but i still am wary of calories and restrict/sometimes purge if i think i've eaten too much or the guilt takes over. i'm just surprised that my heart has put up with as much as it has.
i've also struggled with heavy recreational abuse of ketamine and binge-drinking at certain points, although they were quite sporadic and mostly out of desperation so i don't consider them addictions/something that i still struggle with now.