Discussion What was your final “I give up” moment?

[Watson]

I've had suicidal ideation from a very young age. The moment where it turned from ideation to planning and obsessing was when my 10 year old daughter passed away .

I'm so sorry.. my heart goes out to you.. :(

 

[Watson]

It breaks my heart to read. I'm sorry for your loss. Pets can give us sooo much. I have a chihuahua and he gives me strength.

Thanks.. I know we will be reunited soon.. just not sure how long or short the wait will be.

 

[Watson]

Probably when I hurt my back permanently and will be in chronic pain for a long time.

But my life has been very bad from the start. If you sit back and take a look I think you begin to realize that not only is the game of capitalism rigged but the social game of who you make friends with etc. is also rigged. So you have very little control over some of the most important things in life...and that's enough for me to not participate.

Very well said. I never thought about the social game, so to speak. But very true words.

 

[Watson]

For me it was a perfect storm of factors coming together. Chronic illness, lifelong mental illness, massive debt, no friends, never been employed, now threats of deportation. I am up against too much here.

I wish I could offer you more than words.. but even so, I lack the words to offer you comfort. I'm sorry things aren't working out... Are you in the states?

 

[Watson]

I'm sorry. Grief is not a good companion for depression.

Agreed.

 

[Watson]

When after surgery and 12 bouts of chemo, the cancer still came back. I concede, cancer wins.

Fuck cancer...
:(

 

[DariaBuPL]

I can't even remember. I was thinking about suicide for so long, that I forgotten how did it happend, lol

 

[Watson]

when my dad died back in april then my missus left me a month lateer thats when i gave up all hope

:( my condolences..
loss of any kind is so hard.

 

[Morbid Cam]

For me I guess it's been a constant build up of disappointments and failures that really get to me, after a while you get sick of trying and notice that things just arent going to get any better and that you arent going to win. The game is rigged, some of us just get the short end of the stick in everything

 

[Justwantout]

Every horrible thing a man can do to a woman has been done to me by men that I was in love with. Been raped, abused, stalked, threatened, cheated on... I've never had anyone love me back. I was in a relationship with a guy for a couple of years and I thought he loved and cared for me. We broke up a few months ago and I tried to ctb by od a few times since then. He kept in contact and we were intimate a few times. But he lied to me when I asked if he'd been with anyone else since we broke up. Turns out he was seeing a girl who had been throwing herself at him while he and I were together. And when he cheated on her he gave me syphilis. I will never be able to be happy or trust anyone ever again. He's absolutely destroyed me. When he met me I was not doing well- just out of a really abusive relationship. He built me back up. And then destroyed me. Even if I can get the syphilis to clear, I'll never be able to find anyone decent because I've had a really bad STD. No one will want me or love me and yes, it's pathetic but that's what I want and need more than anything- love. I've never had it in any form. I don't have depression but I've been through so much that I'll never be able to be happy again. Life's not worth living.

 

[Going Home]

When a bunch of people targeted me for a witch hunt, disgusting slander and all that endangers my life.
When a disgusting doctor is given permission to torture me.
Fuck this.

 

[Kingkelly]

When I got sick and doctors didnt know what was wrong with Me took them 6 Months to find part of it out. I looked very sick so I stupidly got plastic surgery on my face and it turned out horrible. I just want my old face back and I can't have it back. I look horrible everyday I want to die. My face was taken from me I should have never let someone cut my face now I want to die. Just like that your life can change. Whenever I see someone with their normal uncut face I cry and want to die. I've tried to OD 3 times but just got sick and probably messed up my insides. I refuse to look like this. I'm in pain and torment every day. Everyone says I have the rest of my life to live but I refuse to live it looking like this. I am waiting for my 180 pills of amitriltyline and I got sn just in case. It seems selfish since it will cause my family and husband so much pain but they dont get it. I made a bad Decision and can't live with it.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Not my first gran mal, but a few others after it. Once I realized it isn't going to go away.
Frankly, I'm not sure. Maybe it was after learning I can't have a child with zero chance of developing epilepsy.
Nah, earlier. Definitely earlier. I vividly remember breaking down on a suicide hotline lady on the topic of Israel ruining my life. It wasn't a good day. Probably even before that. I'm not sure, tbh.

 

[Made4TV]

I'm so sorry about your dog. These kids are...well, just like kids to us.

I think I am approaching the tipping point. I can no longer afford my therapy and I can't survive without it. I am in a financial freefall.

 

[TheFinal]

Realizing this year that I will never have the life I have wished for, and that even that life would still be unfulfilling and painful.

 

[Mljonzy]

Knowing that i have to go through this pain everyday forever no matter what happens in my life. It makes me laugh that people actually think this shit can be treated and help works. It might work for a few exceptions but most people dealing with this shit have it for life that is the reality.

 

[divinized]

When I couldn't see my mother anymore and I was about to be homeless. All while I was really sick/had a ton of nausea :/

 

[Smashingairwaves]

I failed uni and my health got worse

 

[GreenLantern]

A few years ago, I finally smartened up and realized that life was not gonna get better for me. That if I've lived alone in this much solitude and been bullied for this long in life, that it wasn't going to change and get better like most people tell you it will just to give you false hope and make themselves feel better.

My last epiphany was over a year ago, I gave it back to a bully who disrespected me and things got worse for me while nothing happened to them. That's when I said fuck it, I'm out. If I don't even have the human divine right to stand up, defend myself, and give it back to assholes, then I don't want to live in this kind of world. Blatant unfairness is not my cup of tea.

 

[stargazer]

Today and the past few days. Pressure to gain more financially better employment, pressure to do all sorts of stuff I'm too lazy to do and never asked to do. Im not the guy who wants a wife and kids because I'm too lazy and self centred.
Think I'm just about ready to go within the week. Not arrogant, because I know just how easy things can be ruined, interrupted, saved, failed, etc etc
There will be no goodbye post from me for those reasons. It'll either happen for me, or it won't. I said it.

 

[Watson]

I've read all your posts and don't want to spam this thread, but wanted to say thank you all for sharing.

And it might not mean anything coming from an internet stranger, but know that I sympathize with you all.

I've been struggling with my issues and have been in a weird head space. My thoughts tend to spiral out of control and a weird emotional / mental battles aways ensues..

The outcome is always where I don't know what I'm feeling, how I'm feeling, or if I'm actually feeling anything at all... and then I keep confusing myself whether if any of it is real, or if this all stemmed from losing my dog, but I've always felt this way.. I think..? and.. I can't really explain it but it sucks inside my head right now, but at least I can't tell it fucking sucks. I can feel that is sucks right now.

And so I wanted to let anyone that may be in a weird head space, or whether it's being bullied, mental/emotional/physical turmoil/decline, or losing someone, or financial struggles, or the world just constantly beating you down, or just being sick of life..

All of it sucks.
All of it sucks so fucking much.

Just know that I'm sighing, crying, yelling, or whatever it is.. I'm doing it at the world with you.

 

[ausboy96]

Realising I regret my tattoos.

 

[ChemicallyCalm]

There's actually been a lot sadly, including but not limited to
- several forms of abuse at school
- an abusive relationship at age 16 which finally imploded with him telling me to cut myself deep and horrible things he was going to do to me
- 2 sexual assaults
- Being used after all of the above left me a broken husk
- my grandad dying
- my dad dying
- getting my fibromyalgia diagnosis

 

[MsM3talGamer]

After a shitshow of a life getting my cancer diagnosis.

 

[Niko]

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I know how much it hurts, I think; my dog passed away earlier this year and I'm still not close to over it. Coming home everyday with him not being there wagging his tail and waiting to be petted is heartbreaking. I've barely even gone outside since he's been gone. I loved that boy so much, he was my only friend. my one and only friend.

So yeah, I can understand how nothing would ever be the same after that for you. I'm so sorry.

 

[15dec]

Sorry for your loss friend, I understand how you feel, I had to have my dog put down at thirteen years old a few weeks ago and it is a devastating loss -it doesn't sound stupid at all.

For me, it was just a string of bad things happening consecutively and quickly losing everything I treasured in just a matter of weeks. I was already struggling with feelings of depression/anxiety beforehand but at least then I had reasons to carry on. I went through a breakup, had a friend badmouth him to me and then blame me for what he said, lost my dog, was told by several of my friends to stop coming to them for advice/support which left me with pretty much nobody, and slowly came to the realisation that I wasn't really important to anyone, that I wasn't just kind of there, existing. Also have a lot of family problems going on and just feel like a burden in my home, I have worsening pain from scoliosis as well. It's a bit like the final bang to a shitshow of a life, really. Mental health services are rated as inadequate where I live and I've spent more time on their waiting lists than I have with actual support -and said support (counselling was ultimately useless. Been told I can't go on antidepressants due to a history of ODs and don't want to carry on being depressed all my life with nothing but counselling to help.

Sorry for the long reply, turned into a bit of a rant. Sending you hugs

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I treated myself for 51 years before accepting outside help for the first time. 51 years in which no one noticed my problems. My protective shield worked too well.
In these 51 years of self-therapy it often happened that after years of work I had almost solved one of my problems when an external event destroyed my efforts and years of work.

Now that I had finally accepted outside help, was in outpatient therapy and was inpatient in a clinic, it actually looked as if there could still be a way out. For this, social interaction, social contact and the establishment of a social network would have been planned.
I was released from the clinic on February 5, just before the corona lockdown.

So again an external event that stood in my way.
That was the reason for me to finally give up and no longer fight for something that I don't want.

Now I'm finally free from my torments

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Yesterday, when I realized my husband couldn't possibly love the real me, and that I'd just bring more pain to his life.

 

[torimandy]

The first time I was in ideation it was when I decided to allow my true self and instead of completing I allowed myself to be my true self. I am trans.

10 years later, as losses compile, first loosing any family connection( including my children) to loosing my career and the ability to make enough money to support myself and now to the realization I will never have a true partner in life as nobody wants to even be friends. I am nothing but a sex toy, who will never be shown respect. I will never be able to afford the surgeries that might change my life in a good way.

Throw in a couple of rapes and job losses just because customers told business owners if I was there they would boycott the business and a stint in prostitution, as nobody would hire me for real, you get to this point when you realize you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life.

 

[Grav]

It's been going on pre-teen. There were enough life "mile markers" to go through that would magically make everything better somehow, so even if out of curiousity I stuck around, not that I didn't get really, really close. Graduation, college, marriage, kids, first "real job", etc all those things that have a before-x and after-x. Now I'm pretty much out of those markers except maybe retirement in the future but that's looks like nothing spectacular. The point was probably mid-30s and not seeing any more road worth traveling.