Discussion What was your final “I give up” moment?

[Watson]

I apologize if this has been asked before, or if this is not an appropriate place to ask, but:

I am curious to know if anyone had a final moment in their life that lead them to this path, the path to ctb.
I understand that typically it may be a series of events that lead us all here or maybe it wasn't, regardless, I'm curious to know if you're open to sharing.

As for me, my life has kind of always been shit.
But the final 'fuck you' the world gave me was a few days ago... when my dog died of heart failure.
I had made a pact with him.. (more so myself I guess) that if the world takes away the absolute last thing I loved, then it's the world telling me to die.

And now, here I am. Researching methods and trying to figure out the best way to not leave a mess and be back with my dog.

Some might think it's stupid or whatever, but when you experience unconditional love after having such a shitshow of a life, you'd do anything for that bond again. For me, my boy was the best good boy and the only thing I lived for. Without him here.. well, you know the rest.

 

[FornaxMM]

Coincidentally It was the same thing for me, My 5 year old papillon died unexpectedly of colon cancer. He was the last thing I really had in this world.

 

[Watson]

:( my deepest sympathies for you and your pup..

My boy was a 6 year old chihuahua.

I always find it heartbreaking when pets/companion animals go. They actually seem to enjoy life with their human counterpart.. yet they get taken away so suddenly and easily... only to leave their lesser half in complete sorrow and despair.

May your pup and mine be resting in paradise, and we will be reunited with them soon enough.

 

[Moony21]

It breaks my heart to read. I'm sorry for your loss. Pets can give us sooo much. I have a chihuahua and he gives me strength.

 

[Fucking loving it]

I've had suicidal ideation from a very young age. The moment where it turned from ideation to planning and obsessing was when my 10 year old daughter passed away .

 

[Jane Doe]

Losing my husband

 

[Jane Doe]

I've had suicidal ideation from a very young age. The moment where it turned from ideation to planning and obsessing was when my 10 year old daughter passed away .

So sorry @Fucking loving it hugs

 

[Miss clefable]

I honestly don't know I'm in fucking nightmare when will it stop

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

For me it was a perfect storm of factors coming together. Chronic illness, lifelong mental illness, massive debt, no friends, never been employed, now threats of deportation. I am up against too much here.

 

[okyeah]

Probably when I hurt my back permanently and will be in chronic pain for a long time.

But my life has been very bad from the start. If you sit back and take a look I think you begin to realize that not only is the game of capitalism rigged but the social game of who you make friends with etc. is also rigged. So you have very little control over some of the most important things in life...and that's enough for me to not participate.

 

[Moony21]

I can understand that you are exhausted by all these factors. Is there an invalid pension or something similar in your country? I wish you from my heart that someone can help you or that you will be redeemed. no matter how ... that you get some peace of mind in this hard and unjust life...

 

[TAW122]

A plethora of factors and the way my life is going and how I don't see it improving anytime soon. These factors are, but not limited to: Shitty social life with no friends, never been in a relationship (even if I tried, I couldn't -- not that I want to), financial hardships and difficulty in getting a job that I am capable of doing (will likely be homeless if I don't find something to generate income to survive and I'd rather be dead than homeless), disappointing prospects in my hobbies, unable to achieve certain goals in life, and things aren't likely to improve at all.

Then of course, the frustration of societal and world issues at large in which I couldn't effect to change, the infuriating pro-life rhetoric and ignorance of people to issues of suicide, right to die, and shitty circumstances. I would not want to support a society that sanctions all of these things and pretend that everything is ok, when it in fact, isn't.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

When after surgery and 12 bouts of chemo, the cancer still came back. I concede, cancer wins.

 

[Moony21]

When after surgery and 12 bouts of chemo, the cancer still came back. I concede, cancer wins.

I am so sorry to hear that. Can you cone to switzerlang to the organisation exit? They may help you to pass out...

 

[Retched]

Realizing that where I am today is pretty much all my fault.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

I am so sorry to hear that. Can you cone to switzerlang to the organisation exit? They may help you to pass out...

I have applied to Dignitas and am awaiting their provisional green light. But the process seems to be taking rather long. Is Exit a quicker route ?

 

[626-Chi]

I drove my wife away and it makes sense that she's interested in someone else so soon, but I still love her. And I don't think I can let go another way after everything else in my life, it's like you get to a point where the hurt is just too much and you can't imagine feeling anything like it again. At least that's where I'm at.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

Realizing that where I am today is pretty much all my fault.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I do not believe in "free will". the results of any past decisions you made were a combination of genetics, upbringing, life circumstances and may be just plain bad timing. We have very little control in how we end up, it's just a lottery out there.

 

[Johnnythefox]

The finale for me was being made redundant four months ago, employers don't give a shit about people. Also tried to CBT several times since my teens owing to depression, anxiety, paranoia etc. Tried marriage and didn't work out. Sick of working and all the shit that goes with it, seems like freedom is an illusion! Either you belong to an employer or you belong to the government. Seems true freedom is only achievable through death. Also sick of intrusive thoughts from childhood and marriage/kids.

 

[Tara2018]

When my psychical health condition became worse ....

 

[Moony21]

I have applied to Dignitas and am awaiting their provisional green light. But the process seems to be taking rather long. Is Exit a quicker route ?

Hmm only if you are member since 3 years, then is exit a quicker route and not so expensiv.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

Hmm only if you are member since 3 years, then is exit a quicker route and not so expensiv.

No luck for me then but thanks for the info. I just became a member of Dignitas a month ago... Why is it so hard to freaking die????

 

[Moony21]

No luck for me then but thanks for the info. I just became a member of Dignitas a month ago... Why is it so hard to freaking die????

Where do you live? Why don't you do it with N at home?

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

Where do you live? Why don't you do it with N at home?

I live in Cambodia. I do have N but can't do it at home bc (i) scared of failure and (ii) my son will have closure if he can see me go peacefully in a controlled environment. He doesn't want to see me suffer and suggested Dignitas, I respect his decision.

 

[Moony21]

Ok I see...
How long do you have to wait? May I ask you how much you have to pay by dignitas?

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

Ok I see...
How long do you have to wait? May I ask you how much you have to pay by dignitas?

It's been about a month since I first contacted them. Since then, I have paid 200 Euro to be a member and you are supposed to pay Euro 80 for annual membership( I didn't need to pay that given it's the end of the year.) then I'd need to pay for consultation with their drs , admin fees, medication costs, use of their facilities, costs of cremation etc. It all adds up to around Euro 12,000. They say the lenght of time of the whole process varies but if everything does smoothly, I can get the green light in approx 3 months.

 

[Toenditall]

when my dad died back in april then my missus left me a month lateer thats when i gave up all hope

 

[TheCrow]

When my best friend died this summer.

 

[Mr. Bill]

When my best friend died this summer.

losing friends is rough.. I've lost a friend the other year too.

 

[TheCrow]

losing friends is rough.. I've lost a friend the other year too.

I'm sorry. Grief is not a good companion for depression.