Discussion What was the unfairest thing to happen in your life?

[HGL91]

At 2 years old my twin and I had bronchial pneumonia .me being the runt was in a worse state but he died and i didnt , obviously my life would have been completely different had he lived or if i had died instead i`m sure he would have made a better job of this game we call life .... footnote i have very close to my 2 year older brother all our life and on the anniversary of my twins death a month ago i found my brother dead , apart from lose my brother and friend CTB is even harder now too as the funeral everyone was hugging me , mum ,dad sister , brothers and ones i haven't seen for years even my brothers 1st ex wife who i haven't seen for 20 years , all knowing how close i was to my brother and me finding him dead all telling me they loved me and are always there from me ..

It's been some months. Are those people that hugged you and told you they are always there for you, still there for you?

 

[marcusuk63]

It's been some months. Are those people that hugged you and told you they are always there for you, still there for you?

dont be silly , of course not , unless they want something doing like building a fence or decorating

 

[HGL91]

I've been in a rocky relationship for quite a few years. It turned out to be very toxic and I didn't realize until it was too late. I felt stuck where I was and I felt like I couldn't get out. So I began reaching out to some friends and being open about my struggle with depression on social media. An old friend messaged me to make sure I was doing okay. One thing led to another and next thing I know we are flirting back and forth. Im officially cheating on my boyfriend so the right thing to do was to come clean and leave. I was going to leave my boyfriend for this guy. I cannot explain how comfortable and happy I was with this new guy. We were so set on each other we were already planning to get our own place and to get married. That Wednesday, May 15, 2018 i was supposed to take the rest of my things out of my ex's house and I was going to start the first day of the rest of my life but instead I woke up to my phone being blown up because he ended up committing suicide the night before. I have never felt so lost and so defeated my entire life. He shot himself at 10:13pm on May 14 and didn't pass away until around 3am on May 15. 45 minutes after I last spoke to him and 20 minutes before I tried contacting him again. I thought he went to sleep, so I didn't think much of it and went to sleep myself. My birthday is May 17, I turned 22 last year and he was supposed to take me and my twin sister out to celebrate but instead I spent my birthday crying uncontrollably and wishing I was dead. My boyfriend of a few years was furious over my cheating but surprisingly he helped me mourn the death of him for as much as he could handle. I suffer from ptsd due to this incident and survivor's guilt. My life wasn't fair but it was going. After that, I sincerely believe that I do not deserve to be happy or to be in love.

I'm with the boyfriend still. We managed to heal from it and it forced us to change how we went about our relationship. We spoke about it the other day and he knows it's still hard to think and talk about. We've been a lot healthier but I can't get him out of my head and all of the what if's. Due to the trauma, I couldn't handle my management position at my job anymore. I couldn't handle being reminded of him since he used to always drop me off coffee. I started a new job so I didn't end up broke but bcus I'm so mentally fucked up, they noticed it and fired me a week later bcus I wasn't competent enough for the job. 2018, I lost everything. I have nothing left to lose now.

Judge me all you want, but this is my reality. I haven't spoken about this on here at all, it's just too much for me.

I don't judge you. In fact, I went through something somewhat similar. Had a boyfriend of 2 years that became a toxic alcoholic, isolating me from everyone, and then I was ready to escape and I cheated on him with a guy from my past. However, it still mentally messed me up, so I ended up having two guys mad at me. I don't want to date anymore, I can't function at jobs, and being single is so isolating to me. I just want to die. :(

dont be silly , of course not , unless they want something doing like building a fence or decorating

Darn fickle people... what happens if you ask them for help on something?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Suffering from all my physical problems that has ruined my quality of life and isolated me with no friends and made me unable to cope like other people can the worst is that it was never my fault just a defect body that got worse by the years so it was predetermined to happen completely out of my control.

 

[marcusuk63]

Darn fickle people... what happens if you ask them for help on something?
[/QUOTE]

They would help i should think but i would and never have asked anyone for help , it`s just not my thing

 

[TraumaBunny]

I lost my family, the love of my life and I'm debilitated by a chronic neurological illness which is slowly destroying me. I live like a quarantined animal, socially isolated, just a screen for company.

 

[PatKat]

Conception...

 

[hunter_lewis]

Losing my one true love, having no career whilst looking at others making 100k plus, being ugly and a misfit, getting sick with mid 20s with an old man's disease and then having to give up career plans, now mobility reduced and contemplating suicide every day, being full of guilt towards family for being selfish and a loser

I lost my family, the love of my life and I'm debilitated by a chronic neurological illness which is slowly destroying me. I live like a quarantined animal, socially isolated, just a screen for company.

sounds similar to me. I am sorry we are like this

 

[iiii5555]

Being raped by civilized culture.

 

[azucaramargo]

Parents who only had kids to satisfy a societal norm. Conscientious, responsible parents who did not enjoy parenthood, and took out their frustration on those kids. They smile about those of their kids who are successful because of course that's a reflection of them.

Would I be better off being born with fetal alcohol syndrome, or addicted to crack? Probably not. I just think it's unfair that my folks had kids when they clearly saw us -- since we were infants-- as usurpers of their.money, time, energy, and freedom.

I wonder what kind of person I'd be, what kind of choices I'd have made if I had been raised to think that some one delighted in my personality and my cuteness and gave affection liberally and indiscriminately. Conversely, even non-affectionate parents who pushed me to think about career possibilities, pushed me to achieve my goals (that they would've helped me articulate), and make a plan, and basically love myself.

I asked my shrink how low-profile/understated women managed to snag these moral, loyal, creative, successful dudes who relish fatherhood and weekends with their wives and children.

"How does one get a guy like Adam Sandler, for instance?" And, my shrink said, "Those are women who were raised to love themselves. And, that is an irresistible quality."

I'm not nutballs about Sandler's most recent works, but I do appreciate his loyalty to a cast of players, his featuring his wife -- then, his wife and kids---in every movie he makes, and his down-to-earth charm, and commitment to humor.

Anyway, I'm not letting myself off vthe hook for failing to invest time and effort into self actualization and looking inward, so to speak, but being made to feel like you're a constant disappointment, about whom your mom, in a journal she kept when I was 2, speculated whether I might be developmentally challenged because I was always kissing and hugging my parents. Also, my mom is of the opinion that children ARE very often the cause of divorce, so that just tells you something. A dad who pulled kids across the room by their hair, cocked his fist and pinned his 13-year-old daughter to the wall by the neck. A dad who went NUCLEAR on a 4-year-old girl, who, at a barbecue tried to conserve the unused milk by mistakenly pouring it into my parents' pool-side margarita mix.

A sexually inappropriate dad about whom, when.we complained to our mom, would say, "Well, at least he likes you.". (Meaning, at least he's an "involved" dad who wants to spend time with his kids).

I realize this is all bush league compared to what others have experienced. All my educational endeavors were paid for. College. Even grad school. Summer theater programs, all the test prep classes I wanted for any standardized test I wanted to take. International travel, exchange programs, tutors, encouragement and support to attend conferences to further our careers..

Is that a góod trade off for someone hurling furniture across the room at a 32-year-old offspring? Throwing keys at a 16-year-old's face, calling her an ungrateful bitch, and telling her she should be on her knees (ostensibly with gratitude).

When I look at pictures of Hilary Rhoda, I sometimes feel pangs of injustice because I feel I'm a few top-of-the-line plastic-surgery procedures (of which she herself has had the benefit) from looking like her...and that strikes me as very unfair.

I can't in all sincerity blame my professional and romantic failures on any external factors. I really don't think I wanted it enough to exhibit that kind of discipline. Sometimes I bemoan the fact that I wasn't an only-child.

But, I do find it unfair that parents who admittedly didn't delight in childrearing chose to have three kids.

Sorry to go on and on. My dad just today dressed me down before work and yelled at me the same way he did when I was in elementary school. But, yet out the other side of his mouth pays for shrinks for me to deal.

I'm sorry. Maybe.im lucky to have had status-obsessed, educated parents with resources, but my shrink is always telling me, "Imagine how different your interactions with people would be if you were raised thinking that you were loved irrespective of achievement."

 

[Wayfaerer]

I could list numerous unfair things that I've been subjected to, but just one thing I couldn't. It's especially infuriating when you have a sibling that had been treated better by chance or otherwise but in my case at least said sibling is a very kind so it doesn't upset me even more than it already does.

 

[Frank]

I've brought most of it on myself. If I'm being petty I could blame my upbringing but if I was a better person I could've dealt with it.

 

[Pistolero114]

To be falsely accused by some whom I helped bring into the world and loved and cherished all their lives. They were and still are precious to me. And false allegations by someone who knows how to play the victim with some extremely astute insight not only a brings you to a point in life where you feel lower than whale shit; everyone else's opinion lowers with your own. Even years later when it was admitted to be false by said accusers in a court of law you still still do not feel vindicated. You never stop loving your children; but you can become very afraid of them. Even now knowing that my CTB is right the corner I still feel a tear roll down my cheeks at such a betrayal.

I hope that no one here has ever been falsely accused by their own; but if you have them my heart goes out to you. I cannot in my 60+ years on this big blue marble we all call home remember anything in my life that brought me lower psychologically emotionally physically and even financially because lawyers cost money. Good luck to anyone dealing with a similar situation; again; my heart goes out to you.