Daft-Bear

Daft-Bear

Unbearable
Jun 27, 2023
73
So, I find that my mood jumps wildly from wanting to kill myself, to everything being okay and making jokes about everything. I actually know a few people in my life in this situation and a few of them have suicide attempts behind them. I have never attempted to CTB. I'm either too depressed to do anything, or feel okay and even elated. my depression seems like it lasts weeks/months, but it has random days of what feels like an elated mood.

what were the obvious signs you had a mood disorder and what were you ultimately diagnosed with?
 
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Reactions: Meditation guide, gonnaregretthis, Morgengrauen and 1 other person
W

whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,028
after my 1st attempt in the hospital, I was running ragged with tests, and every type of mental health person there is, and they came back with besides massive depression, I have BPD to the max.

Always wondered why one moment I was laughing and the next I was either crying or mad.

Walter
 
playd3ad.

playd3ad.

embed it feels, like eternal ache.
Oct 7, 2023
50
So, I find that my mood jumps wildly from wanting to kill myself, to everything being okay and making jokes about everything. I actually know a few people in my life in this situation and a few of them have suicide attempts behind them. I have never attempted to CTB. I'm either too depressed to do anything, or feel okay and even elated. my depression seems like it lasts weeks/months, but it has random days of what feels like an elated mood.

what were the obvious signs you had a mood disorder and what were you ultimately diagnosed with?
not diagnosed, but heavily questioning bpd. similar situation here - i'd go from losing my fucking mind to joking about it within the hour. it's also how fucking angry i get, it makes me all dizzy and it feels like everything's caving in, like my soul's made of static and someones trying to pull it out with their bare hand, or something.
 
kelimackie

kelimackie

bleh
Sep 22, 2023
128
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but doctor said it could actually be borderline. I tried antipsychotics and they make me feel terrible so I just stopped taking, plus they were R$400.

I'm only taking antidepressants, but it feels like taking a tic tac.

I'm depressed most of the time, no energy and bursts of anger, not violent though. Then one week I'm happy, making plans, exercising and nothing can make me sad.
 
Morgengrauen

Morgengrauen

Sunshine Ward
Sep 10, 2023
99
the depression of course. Going from a normal (although neurodivergent and having dozens of behavioral issues) child to suddenly my grades dropping and retrieving into myself. Got diagnosed with recurrent depressive disorder at 13. But i think because of that it took years to realise i'm actually bipolar (which they had to put me through ssri indused manic episodes TWICE to realise when i was 20yo) and also most professionals blamed the over the top happy phases onto the misdiagnosed bpd and generally not giving a fuck as long as i'm not a nuisance to caretakers
 
gonnaregretthis

gonnaregretthis

Member
Oct 2, 2023
29
relate to this a lot. i think my first actual signs were a lot of things in high school but the first consistent thing was at 18 i started babysitting and i would show up late to my sisters house bc i woke up late and the guilt of it would consume me. on the way over I would consider jumping in the train tracks every time i was late. once i got there everything was fine except for me being tired.

my current diagnosis is ptsd, major depression and "anxiety not otherwise specified". i think i need to be reevaluated honestly.
 
C

ChampagneSupernova

Member
Sep 29, 2023
67
15-ish years ago, said f@&$+ it, didn't want to live anymore, grabbed a bottle of ~60 benzos, don't remember the dosage or exact kind, and some other random meds I could find. Sitting on the porch, chugging alcohol and swallowing pills until they're all gone. Noticed how green the trees were, fascinated. Next memory I'm in the ER having something shoved down my throat to induce vomiting. Black out, wake up in ICU 2 days later.

That definitely sealed the deal, something with me is broken. Haven't attempted CTB since, but that feeling creeps up again every now and then. After reading some of the sources, that may not have been a pleasant way to go out.

My gf at the time got freaked out because I wasn't answering the phone. For some reason she had a bad feeling and sent a friend over to check on me. Suppose things would have been really different hadn't she done that. Time flies, kinda wish I would have just been done in at that point, even if it would have been really unpleasant :/
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Always was, is, and always shall be.
Jun 22, 2020
6,089
So, I find that my mood jumps wildly from wanting to kill myself, to everything being okay and making jokes about everything. I actually know a few people in my life in this situation and a few of them have suicide attempts behind them. I have never attempted to CTB. I'm either too depressed to do anything, or feel okay and even elated. my depression seems like it lasts weeks/months, but it has random days of what feels like an elated mood.

what were the obvious signs you had a mood disorder and what were you ultimately diagnosed with?
I have what you describe and my moods are way up or way down or often in the middle. I cry easily for a second sometimes too if something triggers it, usually thinking about my deceased cats. I have periods where I almost never sleep. Thankfully I don't become manic but I do have hypomanic times.
 
scared2death

scared2death

blegh
Oct 2, 2023
7
havent been diagnosed with anything bc ive avoided doctors but im pretty sure its a mood disorder. before 18 the only mayor thing i had was depression and anxiety but after, my life went to the dumps. years of paranoia, months of euphoria with no fear of consequences and so much money wasted and then i just cant get out of bed for weeks. also what i guess could be described as delusions? i guess? i just suddenly feel myself snapped back to reality after believing that i am a messenger from god and need to ctb to find answers. if that isnt at least a mood disorder then idk what it is lol.
 

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