what to do in the meantime when I can't kill myself

[No_Lxve]

just as the thread says, I cannot off myself at this time, I'm not sure what to do anymore since I keep thinking of dying almost all day every day...

I cannot do anything since I don't work nor have money. during the weekends I only play video games all damn day and it is getting old.

I don't hang out with my friends since I don't fit in their group.

TL; DR: any suggestions of what I can do to pass the time. while wanting to die

 

[Valky]

I really feel this. Just so exhausting. I really wish noone knew me so I could just finally ctb.

Honestly, trying to make the best out of it. Try to have fun, accept challenges, take risks. We have nothing to loose. Might as well try to live our best life until death finally embraces us.

 

[Worndown]

Since you think of this every day, identify your method if choice and prepare.

 

[somedayillbefree]

This is going to sound dumb but just get out of your house and wander around the area you live in. Find a park or a cemetery to walk around. Sit on a bench downtown and people watch or just fuck around on your phone somewhere that isn't your bed. Hang out in the library and read or use their computers instead of sitting in your room going online in private. Look for stores and cafes that don't mind if you sit for a long time without spending money (niche hobby stores like bookstores and game/card and comic shops are good for that. Low end chain cafes like Dunkin don't pay their employees enough to care if you sit in the corner without buying stuff). If you live somewhere with public transport ride it around your town just to waste time looking out the windows. If there's sidewalks or bike paths, start a walking habit and get to know the streets and buildings around your home. I started forcing myself to do this kind of stuff when I was recovering from a really severe shut in agoraphobia/depression episode after I lost my job, and it was a good way to gently ease myself back into society. Start slow, once or twice a week, hell even once or twice a month if that's all you can manage, but the sooner you start to build the habit of going out the better.
Also, you mentioned that you do have friends but you don't feel like you fit in with them. Already having friends is a huge advantage here, even if you're not as close as you'd like to be. Locking yourself away from them won't help that. Invite them to game with you on the weekends. If they mention a hobby or interest you don't already share, ask them to explain it to you. Tell them that you're bored and looking for opportunities to do more. Even if you do all of this and still don't connect, don't look at it as a waste of time and energy. This will be good practice for communicating when you find people you actually DO have things in common with. Your social skills will be sharper than if you do nothing now and just let those potential connections die on the vine while you sit in your room letting your social skills atrophy even further. I made that mistake and I regret it so deeply I'm on this forum. Don't be me.

 

[unnormal9]

I don't know it's your life.

 

[jorheslen428]

Drugs are fun, especially if you don't have to deal with the long term effects. Personally I would have my method set up before doing that though. Maybe only light stuff like mushrooms/ weed?

 

[FuneralCry]

Sleeping is the best way to pass the time if one is able to make themselves sleep, but of course that is easier said than done. But the reality is that if one doesn't find a way to ctb then there is no choice but to suffer and endure this, time will pass eventually though no matter what, I do get that existing certainly is tedious, undesirable and futile, it's so horrible how we are denied the option to just reliably and peacefully exit existence.

 

[Not.Flugel]

Try something new, you will never know if you like it or not. Never thought I like chemistry but yet here we are. Also walks, they don't help with my depression at all, but its nice to see the beautiful nature inside the city in parks. Bonus points if there is a Forrest nearby.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Are you able to work at all or just currently unemployed? If you can't CTB and have a lot of idle time you're unhappy with, that might be a good thing to look into. Or volunteering or some way of engaging with the community.

 

[SoftWorries]

Psychedelics

 

[Kundalini Guy]

I think you can safely do drugs since you won't get addicted longterm due to CTB'ing. Try them all and have as much fun and happiness before you leave this world.