Help What to do about my abuser ?

[istherehope]

Hi,
I've been diagnosed with PTSD since severe abuse from my ex boyfriend. He used to hit me, threaten me. I filed a complaint but the justice in my country didn't do anything. Because of that, I want to commit suicide. I have propanolol and Prozac for anxiety and do EDMR but I constantly have flash blacks. This guy isn't even punished, he moved on with his life. What can I do ? I can't take it anymore, please help me.

 

[darksouls]

I was diagnosed with the same diagnosis
my mother abused me severely for a long time
she was never punished for it
I know the flashbacks are hard to stand
there is no justice on this planet
I am sending you much love

 

[Hvergelmir]

If they and their influence is gone, you've done all you need about your abuser.
Any further thought or action involving your abuser is probably futile. Refrain from thinking about punishment or the like.

The frequency and intensity of flashbacks will diminish, with time, and as you fill your life with more important things. Try pursuing something requiring your full attention, that you like. Sports and arts, comes to mind as things PTSD people often mention.
For me, a demanding dog, martial arts, and high intensity computer games, have made the most difference.

 

[ElTopo]

He doesn't deserve to have any more power over your life.
Please live for yourself

 

[istherehope]

I'm so broken now, I'm a shell of what I used to be

 

[istherehope]

is it true that women are inherently masochists? even the outwardly sadistic women who i met in the past, they all turned out to be inner masochists the more i knew about them

That's inappropriate and rude. And I'm not.

 

[bankai]

I'm so broken now, I'm a shell of what I used to be

I hope he burns in hell.

I hope you feel better over time and can heal.

I'm pro-choice. I'm happy with anyone's decision over their own life. However, I do feel terrible when someone wants to catch the bus because of someone else's mistreatment of them . But I understand your current situation and suffering.

Sending virtual hugs.

For me, a demanding dog, martial arts, and high intensity computer games, have made the most difference

This is a good suggestion. A dog or a cat? And computer games do take your mind off things. Also gym work or a game you love are also good choices.I'm not a big fan of martial arts because sparring can put a lot of wear and tear on your body. I saw an interview with the BJJ guy who said that BJJ saved his life but destroyed his body.

 

[istherehope]

I think I'm gonna end it now :/ he destroyed me

 

[princexhhn]

I went through something similar. Hope you can find peace, best wishes

 

[Remember]

If I were you I'd want to deck him in the face the next time I saw him. Or get revenge. That's not necessarily realistic though.

The most practical thing you can do is just try to move on from him, cut off all influence he has on you. The best revenge is a life well lived, if he sees you thriving and flourishing after all the shit he did he will feel so powerless.

 

[Dejected 55]

When people say "let it go" it isn't about letting the other person get away with something they did to hurt you... it's about you stopping torturing yourself after they are gone. I 100% get feeling frustrated when someone can break you seemingly without a thought and then go about their lives without a care in the world. It's not fair. Sadly, it never will be fair. For what it's worth, even if your abuser did get punished in a manner you feel is fitting... you still would be bothered by it if you keep thinking of him. Someone breaks you, you stay broken even if you break them right back. Revenge or even justice doesn't fix you. It just doesn't.

As long as he is out of your life and not actively causing you new pain... it really is good advice for you to try and let him go. Your reaction makes perfect sense, so don't feel bad about it... but try to let thoughts of him go. I don't know if it is easier to think of nothing or to replace those thoughts with other things. Mind you, I have a hard time letting go too... so I don't have the answers. But I do know deep down that if you keep torturing yourself after he has been stopped from torturing you, you are never going to feel whole again.

 

[Hvergelmir]

sparring can put a lot of wear and tear on your body

Holds true for any physical activity that you push too far. Martial arts range from competitive combat to choreographed meditation.
Bjj is often focus on physical competition, much like wrestling. It can be quite taxing, and isn't for everyone.