Discussion What time of day do you feel most suicidal?

[Echo]

Just wondered what time of the day you feel most suicidal. Morning, afternoon, evening or all the time?

For me I wake up feeling dissapointed I havent died in my sleep. If I'm working I just go about my day. And then it seems to be evening time when I think about it. Its different if I'm not working I think about it all day.

 

[cr33p]

Just wondered what time of the day you feel most suicidal. Morning, afternoon, evening or all the time?

For me I wake up feeling dissapointed I havent died in my sleep. If I'm working I just go about my day. And then it seems to be evening time when I think about it. It's different if I'm not working I think about it all day.

I definitely can relate, every morning I wake up wishing I was no longer here.
I feel it all the time, if there is no urgent responsibilities preoccupying my brain. If I have "free time" I think about it all day. And I say "free time" in quotations because it never truly feels free when my brain is this way.

 

[StrugglingSienna]

Same for me, morning and evening, the times when I am alone with my thoughts and have a hard time avoiding the constant screaming in my head.

 

[halfway_y]

At the morning and a few hours before going to sleep. Sometimes if I'm unlucky I just get a "streak" that lasts the whole die, but I need to catch a trigger for that.

 

[Loser1989]

As soon as I wake up, grab my phone, shut off my alarm, and instantly think "This shit again" It progresses into the afternoon, then after around 6pm it winds down.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

In the morning immediately after waking up I slowly remember the reality I'm in. The afternoon I sleep through these days. Then the evening starts of with nothing and slowly descends into "I gotta get out of this place"

 

[FuneralCry]

I always wish to permanently cease existing and it's all I could hope for, I just want to never suffer in this torturous, futile existence ever again, I'll only ever wish to not exist no matter what and my wish to cease existing is a response to existence, I'd just always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence and for me non-existence really is always preferable. I just hope for peace from the suffering of existing, I wish to sleep permanently instead of suffering all for the sake of it just waiting to cease existing anyway in this futile existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel just to be tortured by old age and cease existing anyway. I'll always just see existing as being dreadful unnecessary suffering and the fact that this existence was even imposed is the most terrible tragedy to me, for me non-existence is all that's desirable, all I personally see as positive is never suffering ever again.

 

[Lo$t95]

Midday is the worst. I tend to be able to relax a bit when it's dark outside and I can clear my head for a while.

 

[Anonymousa]

I more feel worse during the mornings but honestly it's random in how I feel during an average day with nothing triggering me. Like today I feel worse in the evening but on other days it feels better than the morning.

 

[anhedonic_moron]

for me, it is in the evening when am the most mentally fatigued although my thoughts are inhibited in the morning, I barely think of anything when I wake up, i just simply exist. probably as a result of the same routines that made my thoughts stale but idk.

 

[Forveleth]

Definitely really depressed first thing in the morning, which is apparently a characteristic of melancholic depression (I did not know that until looking up symptoms). Of late I have also started getting depressed at night because life has been stressful right now and I am questioning why I keep going.

 

[RinneOfAragon]

Mornings for me are extremely difficult. Evenings I start to get more proactive and want to clean and do stuff and get mad I wasted the day. Then I say right tomorrow I will do x y z. Then tomorrow never comes. Dark mood sets in and it's rinse and repeat.

 

[heavysoul]

I said morning and afternoon. I'm sometimes busier in the evenings working on tasks I have for college or I just feel grateful that I'm almost through another day, one day closer to my SN arriving.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

in the evenings, it's just me and my thoughts.
I'm too tired to have the energy to distract myself with action and I've probably exhausted all forms of distraction by then aswell.

 

[rootlessinterloper]

Interesting that most people are saying morning. Mornings and midday are usually fine for me; hell, If I pump myself full of caffeine and nootropics, I can not just weather but actually enjoy the day until about 8pm, after which it's just misery until I fall asleep.

 

[getoutgirl]

Night. Night. Night. Hate nights. I've thought about starting a thread about that a lot, I may do.
I must have some weird hormones that do not like moonlight cos each night is a lil warzone up there. The thoughts get somehow louder and meaner and specially True in an inescapable way. I only wish for sleep so I can escape it and half the nights I can barely catch any due to their volume. Daylight does me good if I've slept though. For some reason. I don't care much I just accept it.
f nights

 

[lucyanne]

In 30 plus years i don't remember a day I wasn't suicidal.

When i first met my wife,
When they proposed,
On our wedding day,
On our honeymoon.

Its always there, even on the happiest day of my life, it's there.

The good days for me are the days I have brief respite from using controlled overdoses of pain meds to control my severest flare ups of pain and that's just because it messes me up so much.

 

[NoHalfMeasures]

Night time for sure. Back where I used to live, it was constantly dark during the winter months, making it feel like a constant night. It was depressing, and even though I've moved to new place where there's a lot more daylight year round, I still get most of my suicidal thoughts during the night.

 

[Confusedsoul12345]

Night

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

No exaggeration, all day, every day.

 

[sad_dog]

for me the mornings are the toughest. i usually feel ok when i am dreaming and then i wake up and all of the bad feelings hit me like a train. after that it gets a little easier tho.

 

[Outofoptions1]

In the evenings once I'm done work.

 

[Danby]

First thing in the morning. I feel hopeless and don't want to get out of bed.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Mornings for me too, like this morning. Sometimes I have to remind myself of where I am, why I'm here, and even who I am. And then the routine starts ...

 

[lastch]

In the morning I wake up in a state of anxiety. I have dreams of my old life and friends/school/college which feel real. I have a reoccurring dream where my old friends tell me it's ok they forgive me for what happened and still want to be friends with me. Then I wake up and in the first few minutes I get a cruel reminder that it's not ok and I have no one. The anxiety of it all quietens my suicidal mind for a bit but it returns stronger later in the day. I'm planning my ctb around this as it would disturb my thought process which is crucial for SI

 

[DamagedGirl]

For me it's all day, unbearable. I can't be functional

 

[sanction]

Upon waking up is the worst

Then randomly throughout the day

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I'll be honest, it's all the time for me. It really fucking doesn't matter, morning, evening, afternoon, all that changes is the specific thoughts but the baseline is still the same: I wanna be gone.

 

[Roadrunner]

I wake up and cry ever morning

 

[Lapdog6795]

Every morning: Another f*cking day!