Venting What the fuck is wrong with me

[rail.tracerr]

My body constantly hurts in ways I can't even fully explain, my back and my legs ache and give out or force me to hunch over and curl into a ball. I can't stand on my own two feet for longer than 2-3 minutes without feeling like I'm about to collapse and I need to sit down again. Even right now, it's 2:30am and I can't sleep because of the pain and discomfort in my back and my legs. Its been like this for years now and never seems to get any better.

I know something is wrong, I know there has to be a reason why I'm hurting like this but I can't fucking figure it out. Doctors send me to physical therapists who tell me it's a pinched nerve I need to "work out", then give me hours of stretches that do nothing or even make me feel worse. I've begged for x-rays but received none.

I am 20 years old and have to use a rollator to walk like I'm some elderly man, and even then it's excruciating pain that I force myself to push through longer.

There is no end in sight. The realization that I would feel better if I was in a fucking wheelchair is debilitating. I just want to stop hurting. I'd be happy if a wheelchair was possible because at least I wouldn't fucking feel like this. But there's no way I can get one, not with my money or lack of diagnosis on what is going on.

I hate it here. I hate my body. I hate hurting and looking wrong. I wish I had help. I just want help. Accommodation, something other than constantly hurting so so badly.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to endure, I certainly hate how the flesh prison that is the human body can potentially torture us endlessly, existence really is so unnecessarily cruel. But anyway I wish you the best, there really is far too much undeserved suffering in this hellish world.