
_Minsk
death: the cure for life
- Dec 9, 2019
- 1,142
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I was 15/16 and I was surrounded by trauma (even more so now) but back then I just discovered what trauma was and it all became to much. I was (and still am) very depressed and struggle with mental health.
Now I have lots of different reasons.
what's wrong with working at the family store? It sounds like something that you can be proud of, make better and pass down one day if you choose.I was 18.
I woke up early, like most days, to go to college.
To me college was torture at that point, i just wanted to be alone in my room all of the time, where i could feel some peace at least.
So i got up, drank something, and just thought to myself about skipping class again, like i was doing most days at that point.
My mom got in the kitchen, and i told her that i would skip class again.
I was expecting her to just not think about it too much, like every day until that one.
She asked me: "Do you want to just drop out? You can go work with me and your dad at the store".
I just froze, i wasn't expecting that at all, that coldness, and above all else, that, idk, "realness".
The tone of her voice, the look on her face, the question itself, the context, all of that together made me realise what she really meant.
She was dissapointed, because it was clear that i was a failure already, that i wasn't the same person as the kid that got the best grades all of the time.
She pretty much made clear that she had already given up on me, completely, didn't even offer me a change to do something else, just working at their store.
It was at that moment that i've realised that literally everything went from being very good to completely awful in just a couple of years.
I lost my friends, my ambitions, my hobbies, my hopes and my dreams just like that, a couple of years and a few bad decisions was all it took.
However, the one thing i realised at that point was that, well, i wasn't okay, but above that, there was a chance of things never really getting better.
I guess i had an epiphany, a reality check, that the thoughts i had as a teenager, of being special somehow, of being the protagonist, were pathetic.
Some people are born, live and die being miserable, and i realised for the first time that there was nothing stopping me from being one of them.
It was the first time in my life i ever considered that, the first time i thought that maybe, just maybe, i wouldn't get my happilly ever after.
what's wrong with working at the family store? It sounds like something that you can be proud of, make better and pass down one day if you choose.
16, I had been a nervous wreck up until then, and when we had to start applying for universities, I knew I wasn't cut out for living under the circumstances of having to compete to work to support myself.