Discussion What keeps you going each day?

[Epsilon0]

My family and SI. I am not ready yet. Rock bottom wasn't apparently the bottom in my case. Rock bottom was just the beginning of a long journey downward towars the deepest pitts of hell...

 

[sadgirl2002]

Him... only him. He's the only one I'm living for. Although, in a way... I feel like I'm not good enough for him and I'd prefer for him to find someone better than me so I can ctb without any guilt. He feels the same about me, he puts himself down a lot like I do with myself. I don't know... I'm in two minds. Regardless, I am hoping to be the one for him.

 

[Whitewash11235814]

Patience keeps me going. I seriously don't foresee myself living another decade in an environment that I currently live in. The problem with my environment is that you can't change it or move... it's all very toxic.

My privacy in every way imaginable has been robbed and continues to be robbed.

 

[faust]

I can already tell that we'll have agree to disagree on this one. Still, I'll share my two cents. Maybe this is simply semantics, but @ClonesAnnoyMe hasn't really encouraged anyone to carry out any act, only to refrain from carrying out an act. Also, if we look at the spirit of the law instead of the letter of the law, I think the rule you quote first and foremost is a safeguard against people manipulating other people into committing suicide. If that would happen, it would obviously be a disaster for this community. Finally, if he wants to help someone and possibly save them from a premature death, it doesn't mean that he is against suicide as such or anyone's right to commit suicide. As a, possibly limping, analogy I could be for the legalization of all drugs and everyone's right to use them, but still be worried that some people won't be able to handle them.

Well, we have different opinions and that is brilliant! It means that we are still alive and capable of thinking. I felt upset with messages of @ClonesAnnoyMe because I was thinking about a few people, including myself, which such words can hurt. We are struggling and see no reason there to stay, it is like telling there is an oasis ahead, but there is nothing. Giving a hope again after so much failures. I just couldn't remain silent. I hope you understood what I wanted to say.

 

[yetme]

My music

please share with us!

 

[Sensei]

Well, we have different opinions and that is brilliant! It means that we are still alive and capable of thinking. I felt upset with messages of @ClonesAnnoyMe because I was thinking about a few people, including myself, which such words can hurt. We are struggling and see no reason there to stay, it is like telling there is an oasis ahead, but there is nothing. Giving a hope again after so much failures. I just couldn't remain silent. I hope you understood what I wanted to say.

Yes, I understand. We've all been bombarded with platitudes by ordinary people who don't know the meaning of true pain. However, it's different for me when people around here try to convince me that I shouldn't exit, which happens every now and then, because they know what it means to suffer and to long for oblivion. There's a high probability that both you and I will die by our own hand, perhaps farily soon at that, but our goal should be to live, not to die. That's of course easier said than done, but I think that when our final day comes, our exit will be more peaceful if we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, "At least I tried."

 

[faust]

Yes, I understand. We've all been bombarded with platitudes by ordinary people who don't know the meaning of true pain. However, it's different for me when people around here try to convince me that I shouldn't exit, which happens every now and then, because they know what it means to suffer and to long for oblivion. There's a high probability that both you and I will die by our own hand, perhaps farily soon at that, but our goal should be to live, not to die. That's of course easier said than done, but I think that when our final day comes, our exit will be more peaceful if we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, "At least I tried."

I sometimes think that CTB may be hard. But I have to lose the last things I have and somehow manage to live with it until my final breath. So a life might be even a bigger challenge for me. But all depends on a method. I have to work on a method too and it is not too easy. It requires last strengths to be put into. Such a dilemma. To live or die, both are inevitably hard.

 

[Sensei]

I sometimes think that CTB may be hard. But I have to lose the last things I have and somehow manage to live with it until my final breath. So a life might be even a bigger challenge for me. But all depends on a method. I have to work on a method too and it is not too easy. It requires last strengths to be put into. Such a dilemma. To live or die, both are inevitably hard.

Our situation can't be described with words, really. We have to ask ourselves questions that no one should have to: Can my life change for the better or is it just delusional thinking? At what point should I stop hoping and just give up? How can I kill myself without having to go through agony and pain? What will happen if I fail? How much guilt, pain, grief, and social stigma will I cause when I kill myself? Why can't I just be allowed to go to sleep? Is there something beyond the veil or is that just superstition? No one should have to carry such a burden on their shoulders, but we live in an unforgiving and unfeeling world.

 

[Whitewash11235814]

I know for a fact that there's more to life than this. Spirituality is a thing.

 

[faust]

Our situation can't be described with words, really. We have to ask ourselves questions that no one should have to: Can my life change for the better or is it just delusional thinking? At what point should I stop hoping and just give up? How can I kill myself without having to go through agony and pain? What will happen if I fail? How much guilt, pain, grief, and social stigma will I cause when I kill myself? Why can't I just be allowed to go to sleep? Is there something beyond the veil or is that just superstition? No one should have to carry such a burden on their shoulders, but we live in an unforgiving and unfeeling world.

And what's more, it is just a top of an iceberg.
We are enslaved by our ominous system, we cannot even die for free unless we are unidentified or not missing. We have to pay for every moment of our existence. It is said we are born free but are not allowed to be free in our decisions. We may even consider how to die "by accident" because of rumours which may cast a shadow on our after-death reputation. Obnoxious reality makes it the way harder to live or to die. We are living in a post-Orwell world where his books are used as instruction, not a prevention.

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

Okay, so I have a gf, have many talents and capabilities, can face a future with lots of money and etc., why should I stay?

For those exact reasons you mentioned, man i fucked up so badly with how I treated females (emotionally) that no one even wants to date me and I've just grown ok with it. Think about the things you could do with the money whether it's help people or spend it on yourself. I always encourage people to try natural substances if they're ready to ctb because they really could save your life. Also Lithium

I can't tell you why you should stay but I can help you see the bigger picture BC there are answers to your suffering

Maybe you need to change your environment
I think everyone should try that aswell if they're ready to ctb

 

[Lost]

What keeps me going? Really don't know. From the time I get up I wish it will be night again so I can hide in my bed .

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

I think youre all great people who sometimes can't see just how great you all are. Sounds cheesy but it's true

And what's more, it is just a top of an iceberg.
We are enslaved by our ominous system, we cannot even die for free unless we are unidentified or not missing. We have to pay for every moment of our existence. It is said we are born free but are not allowed to be free in our decisions. We may even consider how to die "by accident" because of rumours which may cast a shadow on our after-death reputation. Obnoxious reality makes it the way harder to live or to die. We are living in a post-Orwell world where his books are used as instruction, not a prevention.

Also please don't think I'm on my high horse about this. I was ready to kill myself last week

I think youre all great people who sometimes can't see just how great you all are. Sounds cheesy but it's true

 

[faust]

For those exact reasons you mentioned, man i fucked up so badly with how I treated females (emotionally) that no one even wants to date me and I've just grown ok with it. Think about the things you could do with the money whether it's help people or spend it on yourself. I always encourage people to try natural substances if they're ready to ctb because they really could save your life. Also Lithium

I can't tell you why you should stay but I can help you see the bigger picture BC there are answers to your suffering

Maybe you need to change your environment
I think everyone should try that aswell if they're ready to ctb

Sorry for asking, this might be not a good subject for you, but what was actually wrong with girls?
I think I already know how to spend money before I CTB, I am going soon. I have no savings at all right now and are not employed, but I will need a certain amount of money to get where I want and catch the bus. Maybe I will have a good time there before my heart stops besting, idk.
Never tried Lithium myself and I think won't try it. But there is even a song called Lithium, posted somewhere yesterday.
I was thinking of changing the environment and I did. I moved to another country and started a new life. But things are not getting better.

I think youre all great people who sometimes can't see just how great you all are. Sounds cheesy but it's true


Also please don't think I'm on my high horse about this. I was ready to kill myself last week

I think youre all great people who sometimes can't see just how great you all are. Sounds cheesy but it's true

Thank you for your kind words! There are so many awesome people there and I wonder why such awesome people suffer. It is at least unfair. Why a kind heart should face the problems like that while less caring people are often in a better state

 

[k75]

My best friend and my art.

 

[ClonesAnnoyMe]

Sorry for asking, this might be not a good subject for you, but what was actually wrong with girls?
I think I already know how to spend money before I CTB, I am going soon. I have no savings at all right now and are not employed, but I will need a certain amount of money to get where I want and catch the bus. Maybe I will have a good time there before my heart stops besting, idk.
Never tried Lithium myself and I think won't try it. But there is even a song called Lithium, posted somewhere yesterday.
I was thinking of changing the environment and I did. I moved to another country and started a new life. But things are not getting better.

Thank you for your kind words! There are so many awesome people there and I wonder why such awesome people suffer. It is at least unfair. Why a kind heart should face the problems like that while less caring people are often in a better state

Thank you for speaking your mind, just know you are heard

As for the women that I fucked over it was more like they would cheat and I would do shit out of spite like tell their secrets (not cool, I know)
Overall I was just not a kind person when leaving the relationship and if I get another chance I will do my best to fix that about myself

I hope you decide not to ctb
I am also unemployed but recently found a career path that interests me

Have you thought about going into IT?

 

[Mr2005]

please share with us!

I'd love to. I've done a playlist and sent it to some individual members. I'd love to post it in resources for everyone to hear. The files huge so I don't know if this would cause any problems

 

[yetme]

I'd love to. I've done a playlist and sent it to some individual members. I'd love to post it in resources for everyone to hear. The files huge so I don't know if this would cause any problems

if you post links to youtube or soundcloud - that would be grat!

 

[dyingtodie]

weed,chess,music,my cat, fear of regretting my ctb in my afterlife state. fear of reincarnating into a hellish realm. fear of the act itself. self love. smoothies/oranges. orgasms.

 

[faust]

Thank you for speaking your mind, just know you are heard

As for the women that I fucked over it was more like they would cheat and I would do shit out of spite like tell their secrets (not cool, I know)
Overall I was just not a kind person when leaving the relationship and if I get another chance I will do my best to fix that about myself

I hope you decide not to ctb
I am also unemployed but recently found a career path that interests me

Have you thought about going into IT?

Relationships is not an easy thing if fidelity is what you are looking for. If you don't care about things like that, might be not hard for you. Don't know what is your preference.
Concerning me, well, I already decided to CTB and I am studying IT right now. That is a long-long way.

 

[Mr2005]

if you post links to youtube or soundcloud - that would be grat!

I tried, got blocked. How about this https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/any-vangelis-fans.31929/#post-587943

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

The seconds of happiness I feel when something good happens. I couldn't go on without art and music either

 

[Mustkeyknow]

Ciggies, and food, and my mum.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I don't know how I do it. Every night before going to bed I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself "I did it". It's like I congratulate myself for "surviving more day". Sometimes I think that I'll die someday and that conforts me although it's difficult to stay. It's a hard battle inside my mind. I miss my old life so much.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Sending in some papers to ironically fulfill court requirements.

Fuck all police in all times and all places.

Fuck this life almost as much as fuck the police. But fuck pigs more. Really, fuck pigs in the ass with AIDS.

 

[Nem]

My heart keeps beating, that's almost the only thing that keeps me going
Peace/hugs

 

[STRIKER19966]

Cigarettes and alcohol.

 

[escapefromabuse]

My kids growing up without a dad. Of course I'm divorced and don't see them much, and now I have two more kids and the mother vanished on me with them. So my reasons to hold on are few and far between. Oh...and fear.