Discussion what keeps you from going through with it?

[toro]

figured we could all bond over whats keeping us alive, I did one of these threads foreverrrrr ago lol but my reasons have updated quite a bit since then :)

right now, the biggest thing keeping me going are my bestfriends, it was my 20th bday recently (pretty sure I've been here since I was 18, time flies lol), and my best friend of almost 10 years has bought me THREE nendos from my fave animes (1 mob psycho, and 2 golden kamuy), I cant imagine leaving after he's spent all that money lol, definitely something hed be annoyed at me for.

I've also begun building the bday gifts for 2 of my other friends, spent well over £200 in buying stuff for one, and am just waiting for payday so I can start buying for the other friends (their bday isn't til October, so I have time), I know ill have to ship and mail it off, so I'm kinda stuck til that's all done and sorted.

my cat is still alive so that's a pretty big inspiration too, though mentally I've taken a giant dip again because work is legitimately killing me LMAO, I'm supposed to speak to my GP for new medication/a higher dose, but last time I had an appointment to discuss it, he yelled at me for it and told me that an old woman who 'really needed' the appointment could now be in danger because she didn't get her appointment, mum wants me to file a complaint, but that just feels petty so whatever.

 

[Life_and_Death]

my bf (but anyone that follows me probably knows that XD XD )

 

[Little_Suzy]

First world comforts with excellent medical care! lol

 

[Felodese]

Honestly, it's mostly indecisiveness.
It used to be my dog, but he's dead now.

 

[moshimoshi]

The only thing that is really keeping me going is my little brother and my online friends. Mainly my little brother because I'm terrified it would destroy his life, and I know for sure it would give him trauma, and I've been trying very hard to make sure he has a good childhood. I feel very stuck in this existence
Also what the hell? Your GP sounds like a royal asshole, I'm so sorry

 

[Hvergelmir]

I just want to end with a good karma level, figuratively speaking.
The future seem grim, and I have a sense of duty to at least nudge it in the right direction before quitting.

 

[Malaria]

There's a part of me that doesn't want to die without being fluent in Japanese or publishing a story I want to write first. There's also that I want to have a happy married life with my boyfriend, and I have dogs to take care of. I don't want to traumatize my loved ones. There's so much media I haven't explored yet. Plus I'm also pretty stubborn and would like to try to fix my problems.

 

[terra.nuvo]

Mostly fear of the unknown, both in terms of the afterlife and the possibility of my current life getting better. I guess I do have a little hope that my life will get better and that I'll find purpose and meaning.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Being hell bent on making sure my parents get the punishment they deserve. My dad sexually abused me and to this day my mom knows but just pretends that nothing ever happened. If I CTB then they get off scot-free.

 

[UnwillingSavior]

My friend and I recently had a brief conversation about this lol. We both find that our plans to ctb, whether impulsively or planned months ahead, always seem to be foiled by some chore or life event. Naturally, said chore or life event should send us over the edge, yet we find that we end up treating our ctb plans as another chore or something on the bucket list; ctb plans get pushed back or ignored. Why do we do this? Not sure. Hope is the most addictive drug of all.

Any sign of a better tomorrow is good enough for me at least. I feel as though life has gotten somewhat better recently, but only time will tell if this will last. I really need a good few weeks or months of continuous despair to really be past the point of no return.

 

[fuzzy001]

my two younger brothers. fuck dude life is so dogshit right now but they're the ones keeping me here. if i go ahead with ctbing i cant imagine what they would go through… it hurts me more to think about them after i ctb than the act of ctbing itself. if im able to move out when i have enough money i might do it in secret but as of now im just looking to un-fuck up my mental state.

 

[HereTomorrow]

As of now, I look forward to playing at the arcade, talking with friends, and this one particular anime videogame. I'm not gonna say the game because it's small (like, 200 active players small) and might out me outside SaSu but tl;dr it's in a Deltarune situation where they released the game in parts and I've been waiting over half a decade for the ending of the story mode.
Yeah, I'm persistent. But I really want to know that my game that formed my teen years is finally done. I can't CTB without knowing this ending despite everyone else (rationally) moving on to other stuff. God I'm pathetic.

 

[toro]

Being hell bent on making sure my parents get the punishment they deserve. My dad sexually abused me and to this day my mom knows but just pretends that nothing ever happened. If I CTB then they get off scot-free.

i hope they get what they deserve, fuck everything up for them!!! people like that don't get to just carry on with their lives

The only thing that is really keeping me going is my little brother and my online friends. Mainly my little brother because I'm terrified it would destroy his life, and I know for sure it would give him trauma, and I've been trying very hard to make sure he has a good childhood. I feel very stuck in this existence
Also what the hell? Your GP sounds like a royal asshole, I'm so sorry

my little brothers a pretty big factor too! especially with like, if I do it in the house, I don't want there to be any chance at all that he has to come to terms with seeing his big sisters corpse before he's even started highschool, and thank you! i dunno what he thought yelling at someone he knows is in therapy and medicated would do lol, but whatever, might request a female GP next time I call in so there's 0 chance of me speaking to him again

My friend and I recently had a brief conversation about this lol. We both find that our plans to ctb, whether impulsively or planned months ahead, always seem to be foiled by some chore or life event. Naturally, said chore or life event should send us over the edge, yet we find that we end up treating our ctb plans as another chore or something on the bucket list; ctb plans get pushed back or ignored. Why do we do this? Not sure. Hope is the most addictive drug of all.

Any sign of a better tomorrow is good enough for me at least. I feel as though life has gotten somewhat better recently, but only time will tell if this will last. I really need a good few weeks or months of continuous despair to really be past the point of no return.

this is honestly so real, i was supposed to ctb before I hit eighteen, then I just kept finding excuses and pushed the date back to twenty, now I've decided that if im still like this at 23 its really gonna be over, who knows what ill justify pushing that date back with too

 

[Lady Laudanum]

i hope they get what they deserve, fuck everything up for them!!! people like that don't get to just carry on with their lives

Would I be a terrible person for using the kafkaesque North American healthcare system to punish my dad? He had a massive stroke a few years ago and is permanently disabled. The day he has another stroke or a heart attack, he'll likely be done for. My mom is his caretaker and I know she designated him as a "full code" and would have him brought to the hospital, where they would use life-prolonging interventions on him. I know that she would be on the fence about whether to remove him from life support, and I'll do everything within my power to convince her to keep him alive for as long as possible. While punishing my dad for molesting me, I would also be punishing my mom for her inaction by making her watch my dad die with no dignity.

I think this is one of the main reasons why everyone would push me away if they really get to know me beyond surface-level interactions. It's partly why my most recent relationship ended, and also why I've completely given up on finding another relationship.

 

[sserafim]

Fear of failing an attempt and being left with permanent damage

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Games: Sonic x Shadow Generations (coming this fall) and Pokémon Legends: Z-A (coming next year, LAME).

Movies: The Garfield Movie (which thankfully comes out in less than two weeks) and Sonic 3 (which I have to wait all the way til December for). The Community movie hasn't even been filmed yet. :C

Shows: Jurassic World is apparently getting a follow up to Camp Cretaceous soon. Also maybe new seasons of South Park.

Other bullshit: I'm still not sure if my crush actually likes me back or not. I thought I was sure yesterday but I just couldn't let myself find out for certain because I was afraid of the possibility of what if she actually does like me and I have to actually get my act together and not CTB. Also I am very lazy and have only scratched the surface of my CTB preparations. I have my method but that's it. I still need to actually draft my full scale plans. I also have to finish multiple suicide notes and other projects such as recordings and even storyboards of the story I plan to tell.