What is your relationship with your parents like?

[eternalmelancholy]

Parents have a profound role in our upbringing and ultimately how we end up as adults. How is your relationship with your parents? Are you on good terms? Have you expressed your depression and suicidal ideation with them?

My relationship with my parents is strained to put it mildly. I remember when I was younger I told my parents that I wanted to die and they told me I was too much of a pussy to do it and to never bring it up again. That was the last time I told my parents anything about myself.

 

[Tomoko]

It's more of a pseudo relationship, at least with my father. I tried being honest with him and all it did was get me disowned for a long time and kicked out into poverty when I was only a teenager, which dominoed my way into a fucked up life of debt and misery. These days he is great with me only because I pretend like everything is fine when he talks to me. I'll never be honest with him about anything ever again, at least not until I write my suicide note.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

It's more of a pseudo relationship, at least with my father. I tried being honest with him and all it did was get me disowned for a long time and kicked out into poverty when I was only a teenager, which dominoed my way into a fucked up life of debt and misery. These days he is great with me only because I pretend like everything is fine when he talks to me. I'll never be honest with him about anything ever again, at least not until I write my suicide note.

I don't really talk to my parents these days. But your relationship kind of sounds like mine. All is good as long as I don't upset them. I thought about leaving a note but I know they don't give a shit and will probably use it against me.

It is really hard to recover from a shitty upbringing. I am sorry you had to go through that. Life has a way of piling on more bullshit when you are trying to fix the mistakes of the past.

 

[maakies]

My relationship is a little strained. My father and mother divorced when I was a kid, but old enough to understand what that was. When they did that, my brother and I voluntarily stopped interacting with my father. He could be violent — very intense rage issues fueled by bipolar and OCD — and it made us reluctant to keep in contact. He has a fiery personality which translated well to having many friends, but when it came to his kids, not so good. My mother was extremely avoidant and sort of never to be found growing up. Even after they divorced, she was a workaholic. She always ended up taking overtime and my brother and I got kind of dumped onto extended family, who I didn't really see eye to eye with. Honestly, I do like my mom a lot, but we do butt heads.

When they divorced, kids told me they thought it was because my respective parents were gay (dad is gay, mom is a lesbian). No, it was because my dad left my mom for another woman. Mom never remarried. My partner now had the same thing happen with his parents. If I had to assign my parents gender roles, it went sort of like my mom was my dad and my dad was my mom.

Anyway — I grew up relatively neglected, home alone more often than not. Was told by my mother at a young age (11) that I had to grow up. Couldn't be a kid anymore. Verbatim. I had to cook for the family a lot.

My brother and I experimented with drugs and alcohol at an early age. As adults, I feel like our relationship is way better. I think they felt pressure to have children coming from the culture they did. I was always jealous of other kids for having normal nuclear families.

 

[Enabran255]

My dad is long dead but I really didn't have a great relationship with him in the years near his death. My mom basically hates me at this point, because I failed to become anything respectable in life mostly thanks to a brutal bully who permanently derailed my life in college. She makes this apparent in how she treats me and talks about me to others, and mostly in how she dotes on my wonderful successful brother who is Jesus himself if you take her words at face value.

As a person with no friends and a long painful history of failure in my attempts to find a life partner, this is a really crushing reality to have to confront on a daily basis.

 

[Bleak]

They're my only friends, maybe that is an unhealthy attachment. I don't feel comfortable being myself with anyone else in the world. It's taken years to become like this though, I used to have normal friendships in school.

 

[Tarantula Girl]

Non existent. Stopped all communication finally 5+ years ago. Dad is verbally, emotionally, and physically abuse and my mom is my dads puppet. It's very sad but Im no longer being constantly treated like crap. Now the only time they are in my life is the weekly, sometimes daily nightmares i have with them in control of me again.

 

[Manaaja]

Non existent. Stopped all communication finally 5+ years ago. Dad is verbally, emotionally, and physically abuse and my mom is my dads puppet. It's very sad but Im no longer being constantly treated like crap. Now the only time they are in my life is the weekly, sometimes daily nightmares i have with them in control of me again.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I have the same kind of problem. Mom is a pure narcissist, and dad is a narcissist too, though mother is the "leader" narcissist. I'm the only person telling them "no" and of course they can't stand someone saying "no" to them. It's amazing how the worst people always find each other. Of course them being narcs they fight each other too over the smallest of things. I'll be very happy once I never have to meet them again, I just wish going no-contact was easier.

It's really hard to stop communication, but I'm happy you were able to do it. I'm sorry you still see nightmares. I've heard books and audiobooks help with nightmares, since you are more likely to see dreams of the books rather than nightmares.

I wish everyone was guaranteed good parents.

Is that your spider?

 

[Tarantula Girl]

I might try books/audiobooks to help. I've never heard of that one. I'm sorry your in a similar boat with yours though. And yes that's one of my many Tarantulas. I have her tattooed on my arm as well. It's a Poecilotheria regalis if you want to know more about it.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

It really saddens me to hear that so many of us had bad parents. All children deserve a good home and a good family. Cutting communication is hard but sometimes necessary for your own mental health. Maybe in time it is possible to mend a strained relationship.

I am planning on ctb within the next week or so. I want to go in peace but I am not sure if I can reach out to my parents. Because it will be fake and hollow. Even after all the abuse I still can't bring myself to tell them how I really feel.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

My mom was my personal hero above all others. One of the kindest people to ever live. And that's not just me saying that, a lot of people did as well. She passed away 5 years ago and I have been mourning ever since.

My dad on the other hand really fucked me up from a young age. We had a odd relationship where I DO have some excellent memories with him and he did teach me a lot. On the other hand, he often would do and say horrible things to me when he got really drunk sometimes. Even almost strangled me to death once and would have succeeded if it wasn't for my mom's intervention. I just feel very sad for him nowadays because ever since my mom passed, he has been extremely isolated. Most of us haven't seen him in 2+ years because he simply won't. He is completely broken and it breaks my heart despite our past. Going to possibly kill him when he finds out I CTBed....I am an awful person....

 

[Sherri]

Broken relationship, no fixing, including sister. Only get along with my nana

 

[cambrai33]

I broke contact with mine, i only wish they suffer till their last breath

 

[Sherri]

I broke contact with mine, i only wish they suffer till their last breath

Sorry you feel the same way I do.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Mixed.

 

[Un-]

My mother and father divorced before I was born, or before I could comprehend anything. I was raised singly handedly by my mother, but when my mental health deteriorated, and the time where, in the child's perspective, parents become unbearable to deal with arrived, I slowly cut any sort of connection I had with her. As it stands know, she knows nothing about me, and has constructed a version of me from what she thinks is true. As ridiculous as that sounds, she, for example, thinks I'm religious, and have any love or connection for her and her family.

My father, on the other hand, knows less of me than my mother. I'm in the same boat - I don't even know his name. Despite us "trying" to form a bond, it never has worked out.

I don't find it harsh at all that I'll kill myself despite what either of my parents have gone through, because my sister is their prized possession. I don't intend on telling either of them who their son really is. I haven't been abused, or maltreated in comparison to the next kid, and I was spoiled foul. I just hate being alive.

 

[Frostie]

none, i live with my mother but we rarely speak with each other.
i rarely speak with anyone tbh.

 

[Silenos]

Let's just say I'd give my mother a massive retaliatory beating for everything she's done to me, if not for the fact that she still needs to take care of my youngest half brother. I wouldn't like to see him be traumatised like I was.

 

[prbreese01]

none, i live with my mother but we rarely speak with each other.
i rarely speak with anyone tbh.

I'm in the same boat, I live with my mom and we're both miserable. I barely speak to her and when she does talk it's about dumb shit like the weather. It actually makes me feel lonelier when she does say something. I don't speak to anyone else either because I feel like I have nothing to offer. Plus, I'm not good at starting a conversation or keeping one going either. My parents didn't really talk to me, I was more so lectured or scolded for my grades. Grades were really important to them, especially my mom since she didn't go to college. Sadly, I was given every opportunity in the world and I blew it. But I wasn't given any guidance by them either or any nurturing at all. I don't recall producing any of my own ideas and if I did, they made me feel bad for doing so. So now I'm a 45 year old, living with her 75 year old mother and contemplating suicide every day.

 

[Frostie]

I'm in the same boat, I live with my mom and we're both miserable. I barely speak to her and when she does talk it's about dumb shit like the weather. It actually makes me feel lonelier when she does say something. I don't speak to anyone else either because I feel like I have nothing to offer. Plus, I'm not good at starting a conversation or keeping one going either. My parents didn't really talk to me, I was more so lectured or scolded for my grades. Grades were really important to them, especially my mom since she didn't go to college. Sadly, I was given every opportunity in the world and I blew it. But I wasn't given any guidance by them either or any nurturing at all. I don't recall producing any of my own ideas and if I did, they made me feel bad for doing so. So now I'm a 45 year old, living with her 75 year old mother and contemplating suicide every day.

That's very relatable.

 

[DayOfDecember]

You often see strong correlations between things like poor parental upbringing and bad life outcomes, but it's rarely as absolute as I've seen in this thread.

It looks like I'm one of the rare exceptions. I have a very strong relationship with my parents, both of whom are deeply understanding of and empathetic towards my condition. But sometimes it's just not enough.

 

[4eyebiped]

My parents are good people. They are both loving and caring. They provided for me the best they could and they were hard workers, still are. My main complaint, which will sound a bit odd, is that they were too lenient with me. They allowed me to slack far more then they should had. They allowed me to lay around doing nothing, no self improvement. Arguably I would had done far better in life had they not been so lenient. There is a such thing as being too protective. You have to prepare your children for life and the road ahead. One cannot blame them though. Parents do not have teachers, beyond their own parents and their own parents can cause generational harm. Its an odd job position, this parenting. It is definitely a position and role I will not be part of and childfree dating is very rare.

 

[prbreese01]

My parents are good people. They are both loving and caring. They provided for me the best they could and they were hard workers, still are. My main complaint, which will sound a bit odd, is that they were too lenient with me. They allowed me to slack far more then they should had. They allowed me to lay around doing nothing, no self improvement. Arguably I would had done far better in life had they not been so lenient. There is a such thing as being too protective. You have to prepare your children for life and the road ahead. One cannot blame them though. Parents do not have teachers, beyond their own parents and their own parents can cause generational harm. Its an odd job position, this parenting. It is definitely a position and role I will not be part of and childfree dating is very rare.

My parents were overprotective but they thought they were doing their best. They provided and gave me so many opportunities in life but unfortunately they weren't good at giving me emotional support. I spent a lot of time in front of the tv or playing tennis. I never chose tennis and playing, actually caused me anxiety. I wish my parents spoke with me as a child and tried to cultivate a kid who could think on their own. My dad was a hard worker but lacked social skills. My mom just basically lives vicariously through me. I've never looked up to her and that saddens me. I know of other mothers who I consider heroes.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

You often see strong correlations between things like poor parental upbringing and bad life outcomes, but it's rarely as absolute as I've seen in this thread.

It looks like I'm one of the rare exceptions. I have a very strong relationship with my parents, both of whom are deeply understanding of and empathetic towards my condition. But sometimes it's just not enough.

I don't think you should feel bad. Everyone has their own problems and from an outsiders point of view it can be seen as petty or not a big deal. But if you go down this rabbit hole then no one has the right to complain since there is always someone out there with bigger problems.

I used to get so jealous when I saw happy families in public laughing and having a good time together. But I have come to realize it is not their fault that I am this way. It was hard letting go of my bitterness and jealousy but since being upset won't change anything, I decided to just let it go.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have a good relationship with them overall, but I do not tell anyone about wanting to die. They would not accept and understand my decision and they would expect me to suffer for decades. They enjoy life and they said they want to live until they are 100, which I will never understand.

 

[Dragon's Heart]

My parents are gone now. (aged out) They were my rocks in life and I grieve them every day. However, suicide was not a topic I could discuss with them because the subject makes most people uncomfortable and they may react out of fear. I think they didn't know how to handle my depression, only what doctors told them. Which never worked.

 

[Noctis]

My parents weren't the worst you'll ever see. But they were completely neglectful emotionally. We never discussed anything other than surface topics, and I was always told a real man keeps his emotions from the world. They also favored spanking as a punishment (which in itself isn't terrible), but sometimes they took it a little too far.

Once, I tried to tell my dad that I felt unloved. He got mad and hit me because I dared to disrespect him. All that did was teach me to never open up to him again.

I once told my mom I was in therapy for depression and suicidal thoughts. She yelled at me and called me "insensitive and selfish" for planning to do that to her.

The real kicker is they think they were good parents and I came out okay. They don't know I'm anxious all the time, I'm afraid of authority figures, I'm completely out of touch with my own emotions, I struggle to maintain relationships, and I think about suicide almost every day. They think I'm an ungrateful and entitled little shit for going no-contact, like they're the victim here.

 

[yive]

parents are wolves in sheep's clothing. of course i hate them

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

They are standard normies, they have me on life-support atm. While I obviously dislike them having given birth to me, my anti-suffering stance leaves me with still thinking that the effects on them from my suicide is regrettable (not to even mention my siblings, pure hostages).

As being standard normies, they can't help me and talking to them about my life is always pointless. They both believe in magical "bettering" coming from nowhere by way of me "meeting someone, like a mental health professional" (tried this several times, tried meds several times, these don't get rid of autism) or "something happening within me" (yeah, like hypoxemia, gottem bazinga).