I wish ctb wasn't the only viable option I see for myself in the future
**and before you say anything, I didn't think I'd have to preface this on every single post I make on this site, this isn't a spur of the moment type thing I have legitimately had it in my head since I was 8, in some shape or another, that ceasing to exist in general is the best option for me. The more I grew up, the more I learned, the more alternatives I took; the more it cemented this decision. So it's not just a I don't want to be here because of a minor inconvenience, it's I've been holding on by a thread FOR YEARS and each time I've told myself things will get better they drastically worsen. I could speak all I want on this but some will never understand unless they've lived it. When you try and push through the absolute worst period of your life, to get hit with the realization that no amount of positive thinking, optimism, and manifestation can bring back what has been taken.**
All of my friends are living their lives, getting married, having children- I have nothing. I have a house that wouldn't be mine if my parents hadn't died.
I can't even keep a sleeping partner when I was sleeping around.
Do you understand how it feels to lose the one constant, the one being/person/entity that loved you unconditionally no matter what
You lose your sense of self if you had any at all. Nothing motivates you to be present or move throughout life because you feel like you have no one to share it with. I'm tired of hearing "if I was 24 with no man and no kids the world would be my oyester" or "think of how good you could do for yourself if you tried"
I'm sorry I thought not killing myself, not making myself binge and purge, not drinking would be enough. And it's like I want to talk to people but then go quiet when I realize I have nothing, NOTHING, good to say about myself or my life. I am so tired someone please talk to me
**and before you say anything, I didn't think I'd have to preface this on every single post I make on this site, this isn't a spur of the moment type thing I have legitimately had it in my head since I was 8, in some shape or another, that ceasing to exist in general is the best option for me. The more I grew up, the more I learned, the more alternatives I took; the more it cemented this decision. So it's not just a I don't want to be here because of a minor inconvenience, it's I've been holding on by a thread FOR YEARS and each time I've told myself things will get better they drastically worsen. I could speak all I want on this but some will never understand unless they've lived it. When you try and push through the absolute worst period of your life, to get hit with the realization that no amount of positive thinking, optimism, and manifestation can bring back what has been taken.**
All of my friends are living their lives, getting married, having children- I have nothing. I have a house that wouldn't be mine if my parents hadn't died.
I can't even keep a sleeping partner when I was sleeping around.
Do you understand how it feels to lose the one constant, the one being/person/entity that loved you unconditionally no matter what
You lose your sense of self if you had any at all. Nothing motivates you to be present or move throughout life because you feel like you have no one to share it with. I'm tired of hearing "if I was 24 with no man and no kids the world would be my oyester" or "think of how good you could do for yourself if you tried"
I'm sorry I thought not killing myself, not making myself binge and purge, not drinking would be enough. And it's like I want to talk to people but then go quiet when I realize I have nothing, NOTHING, good to say about myself or my life. I am so tired someone please talk to me
Last edited:
