What is your reason for wanting to CTB?

[Hurt]

Depression, anxiety, PTSD, BPD, OCD, financial issues, existencial crisis and hopelessness.

 

[come to dust]

I love living, I love life and almost every aspect of it (at least for now).
I'm also self-made millionaire but guess what, I have an incurable and ugly disease and I'm thinking of

I love living, I love life and almost every aspect of it (at least for now).
I'm also self-made millionaire but guess what, I have an incurable and ugly disease and I'm thinking of killing myself 90% of the time.
Poetic

How did you become a millionaire? and how old are you?

 

[oziinnz]

I am very sorry for your sister ... sorry for the personal question, may I ask you how she killed herself?

She hung herself from a rafter

 

[S like Siren]

She hung herself from a rafter

I'm deeply sorry for your sister and the pain that you are feeling

 

[barelys4ne]

I've made quite a bit of progress throughout the years but as I got older and moved out on my own I realized that I needed an insane amount of discipline and luck to catch up to the point where living life wasnt unbearable on the daily. I have too much trauma and other problems to make any real progress as an adult, I fixate on one issue and then another thing hurts me and I go back to square 1.

 

[butterfly3]

for me it's depression, loneliness, extremely low self esteem, body dysmorphia, ed, stress (exams, and my parents make it worse) and possible ocd (haven't been diagnosed so i just tend to refer to it as intrusive thoughts and anxiety). also just generally very bored in life, i just stay in my room all day and scroll on tiktok. i lost interest in all my old interests and hobbies and even though i try and get them back it's just not working which makes me more depressed.

 

[Smart No More]

I love living, I love life and almost every aspect of it (at least for now).
I'm also self-made millionaire but guess what, I have an incurable and ugly disease and I'm thinking of killing myself 90% of the time.
Poetic justice never surprises by failing.

My situation is a little different but I fully relate to once having a lovely life and a huge love for life itself. Its a painful process to feel the unavoidable need to cut it short due to illness. I had a such a goos thing going. Had something a bit special. I've mourned myself over the laat couple of years and am just kinding of riding it out until I can do leave with a little negative impact as possible. Some form of fallout is unavoidable unfortunately.

As you have a desease and can afford it have you considered travelling abroad for assisted euthanasia?

 

[Starchaser]

My situation is a little different but I fully relate to once having a lovely life and a huge love for life itself. Its a painful process to feel the unavoidable need to cut it short due to illness. I had a such a goos thing going. Had something a bit special. I've mourned myself over the laat couple of years and am just kinding of riding it out until I can do leave with a little negative impact as possible. Some form of fallout is unavoidable unfortunately.

As you have a desease and can afford it have you considered travelling abroad for assisted euthanasia?

Yep, I'm also postponing to see how far I can get, and thinking about the damage my death can cause to family and friends is very painful.
I've heard the queues for assisted euthanasia are 10 months+..... So, I just bought my N and I will probably do It myself.
I'm also not so sure If I would be eligible to enter the assisted suicide program as my illness is not terminal (I'm not sure what the requirements are btw)
And yes, definitely, having to think about ending your own life because of illness is a motherfucking joke, but we get what we deserve I guess..

Why do you want to CTB?

 

[Smart No More]

@Starchaser I think you might be eligible if your quality of life is poor due to your health issues. It seemse to vary from place to place but some turn over pretty quickly according to posts I've seen on the forum recently. 5 weeks or there about. There are some vids around. One that comes to mind is a Mr Smedley (owner of well known Smedley Jam and other smedley products). He had a neurological disease IIRC and wanted to go before it got to ugly. They okayed him and he went on camera using N. Its worth a watch. I think it may have been part of Terry Pratchets documentary on assisted dying but not sure. Both vids are worth a search though.

Myself, long story short, accidental poisoning and no hopes of decent treatment. Just get pushed onto mental health because of the way I now struggle to communicate. Quality of life gone. Neurological issues as a result of said poisoning that impact memory and cognition massively. I feel pretty lost most of the time. Far cry from the high functioning person I was before it happened. Damaged my digestion and various bodily functions have been impacted. Its turned me into a hollow shell of the person I was before.

Sorry man, you asked lol. Tbh I wrote a whoke thing but deleted most of it because nobody wants to read my self pitying ramblings. I did have something a bit special before this though. Highly gifted. I would never have said that then because its not my way but now it's lost its not like I'm bragging. Just mourning. It's really quite tragic. That's why I related to your post as I got that you too had a good respect for life and you'rw probably similarly gifted to have amassed your self earned wealth. I'm glad you're able to leave something substantial for your loved ones. I think it's quitw beneficial to you to be able to so that as it leavea some kind of legacy behind that also benefits others. That's got to help when it comes to accepting ones ill fate. Hooe that comes across in the complimentary way I meant it too.

 

[summertimestars4]

there seem to be more and more reasons to get off the planet these days, but the thing that made me first think that i need to ctb is ongoing physical pain that never seems to end. other bonus sufferings include: loneliness, anxiety, depression, watching people my age achieve their dreams while feeling left behind in every way, not feeling that i can solve my problems, and realizing the only thing i actually look forward to is going to sleep.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Millions of years of evolution and every molecule of Deoxyribonucleic Acid in my body are screaming at me to procreate but rather than accept that this can never happen, they'd rather press the self destruct button.

 

[Brianiskillingme]

I lost my husband in 2015, got PTSD from watching him die. I always had depression and BPL but now evertthing has become complicated with a new guy that is a narcissist. I could leave him but the alternatives arent better. I cant care for my house any longer due to joint pain from having Crohns. I am simply stuck, cornered, and miss my hubby. Its time to end this joke. I just need to find a legit source of N.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Millions of years of evolution and every molecule of Deoxyribonucleic Acid in my body are screaming at me to procreate but rather than accept that this can never happen, they'd rather press the self destruct button.

I actually have this issue too but it's because my rational mind tells me not to do it. I've been asked to procreate and I absolutely must turn it down due to facts aware to me that will maybe one day be known to the whole world. It's a bizarre conflict between a rational and considerate mind and that instinct. My mind won out so far and I'm proud of it


The main reason I want to CTB involves lack of willingness to experience middle and old age. I want to call it while the going is good . I've been seeing what the old age life is like and I know enough by now I'll never be satisfied by it and now im getting up there .

Secondary reason which is less personal is im insanely classified top level US intelligence 100 percent positive our civilization is coming to an end and I don't want to make it over to the ugly side

 

[hopelessgirl]

But I changed my mind. Still gonna stay here cause I love this community

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I actually have this issue too but it's because my rational mind tells me not to do it. I've been asked to procreate and I absolutely must turn it down due to facts aware to me that will maybe one day be known to the whole world. It's a bizarre conflict between a rational and considerate mind and that instinct. My mind won out so far and I'm proud of it

You deserve to be proud of it. Lesser people (me) couldn't possibly win over with their mind.

 

[Starylain001]

Chronic, painful invisible illness that made me a cripple

 

[Starylain001]

Seriously, i wouldnt be there if not this.

 

[ineedrope]

outward appearance is mine as shallow as that sounds. I genuinely don't like myself

 

[lostmylove]

Lost the love of my life, have no desire to rebuild or continue.

I've talked to people who've been through grief like this and they admit it doesn't ever get better.

There's however a window of opportunity, if you die within first year or so of losing your partner, family members will be sad but they'd understand.

 

[LacunaLacrimalis]

My husband died, and I got ptsd from the whole thing. His last words to me will haunt me forever. I have constant nightmares and flashbacks. Still grieving.

I already had treatment resistant major depressive disorder and was gong to ctb when I was 18-19 I was so depressed, but then I met my husband and though I would still struggle with depression, he gave me something to live for...

My situation is exponentially worse now than it was when I was 18-19, or married to my husband. So I guess you could say it's life situation too.

Wow, I came to post my answer but it's pretty much exactly this. My husband is truly my soulmate. He died in 2020 (cancer) after 19 years of marriage, at age 40. Now … there's nothing else to live for except to raise our son to adulthood.

Like you, I was suicidal when young too … spent the very early 2000s on alt.suicide.holiday. Thought all that was behind me. That's what I get for thinking, I guess!

Big hugs to you, fellow widow