what is your plan

[crashinout]

i think i wanna try any MAID related medications over the dark web. i usually nowadays just look into closets, see myself hanging or look off buildings and think of jumping. i think i can make a normal life for myself one day but i just do not care. its so fucked up, i just do not care about anything. everyone around me knows. right now im just apologizing to everyone around me. i messed up a lot of things big time.

 

[selfsabotage]

i'm kind of in the same boat telling people around me but it seems like nobody's taking it seriously. in a way that makes it easier for me because no one's doing an intervention preventing me from doing it which i appreciate. but on the other hand it's like, do they not believe me? do they think i wont do it or im exaggerating? its weird. i do not care about fixing my life either even if realistically i could. so i get u. method wise im not sure yet how id do it. ive imagined myself in every possible scenario but it feels like there's a drawback for all of them. i wanna make sure that when i do it im guaranteed to succeed but its a hard thing to make sure of. ideally id want a gun but i have no clue how to obtain one. symbolically speaking my favourite way would be drowning but idk how feasible that would be. i wouldn't go with medication tho. it's pretty much a non-method

 

[crashinout]

i'm kind of in the same boat telling people around me but it seems like nobody's taking it seriously. in a way that makes it easier for me because no one's doing an intervention preventing me from doing it which i appreciate. but on the other hand it's like, do they not believe me? do they think i wont do it or im exaggerating? its weird. i do not care about fixing my life either even if realistically i could. so i get u. method wise im not sure yet how id do it. ive imagined myself in every possible scenario but it feels like there's a drawback for all of them. i wanna make sure that when i do it im guaranteed to succeed but its a hard thing to make sure of. ideally id want a gun but i have no clue how to obtain one. symbolically speaking my favourite way would be drowning but idk how feasible that would be. i wouldn't go with medication tho. it's pretty much a non-method

I don't know enough about methods, I just want something peaceful and easy. I pretty much gave up on my own life and accepted theres not a lot of time left for me.

im the same way, a lot of people know what im going through, like a lot. i had some public breakdown and im now facing the stigma and the hate from it. my friends are concerned but they dont know how or what to do. my therapist is really good, shes intervening without her realizing what im very likely gonna do. i just think after i go, people are going to sit back and realize they shouldve taken me more seriously. because i stopped caring now.

i thought about guns but idk how id get them, i think i do have a workaround though just because it would be fast. i think im in the "peaceful" and no longer in pain part of whatever the fuck im going through. i know messed up big time so i am just "relieved" that its going to end. ive just been "organizing" things for people that care, they are just inexperienced w suicidal people.

the irony, i really dont want others to hurt and feel pain, take their lives. but i want to do it so badly myself. so i hope that you really get things sorted out. im in the same stage where i do not care about my life, the people around me can see that.