what is your current state of mind?

[ijustwishtodie]

My current state of mind is me wishing I could be dead but not actually having the ability to kill myself due to the challenges caused by my autism. I can't even do simple tasks adequately nor am I good at planning in foresight so most suicide methods are basically already impossible for me. I truly am not meant for this world at all and I never was. I'm only alive because I can't kill myself due to suicide methods being too difficult for me. Aside from that, I got no attachments to anything in this planet. I don't like music, movies, games, TV shows, parties etc etc. There truly is nothing in life that I want to live for.

Also, I get headaches almost every day due to the mental pain caused by me simply being alive. It always hurts so much and I'm always so miserable. I'm hoping that I die from being too incompetent to get employed (which I think will happen) but what scares me are how some people here said that they thought they would die from being too incompetent to cope with the world yet they're surprised at still being alive. I'm also scared of the idea of biological immortality coming into fruition and people being forced to take this biological immortality, including me. I'm just scared at the idea that death may not be inevitable for me in a couple decades time due to the advancement of technology and pro lifers forcing everybody to take it due to how pro life they are

This is one cruel and twisted life that I have...

 

[outrider567]

same as always

 

[Sageiois]

do you have a plan to ctb? do you still want to ctb, but have no plan? what are your thoughts on life at the moment. i just wanna check in, maybe see if anybody's going through the same limbo that i am.

right now i feel sort of paranoid and numb at the same time, and i feel like it's keeping me from fully considering ctb. i just want to sit and rot instead. but i know that i want to eventually get a job and make money so i don't leave my parents in financial trouble. everything is contradicting each other in my head and it sucks.

Just finally made an account after lurking for a while.
Right now my plan is using the shotgun method or to somehow get SN or OTC pills and taking 20g of it. Ive tried in the past with 45000mg of mixed medication when i was a kid but still somehow lived through it so i doubt pills are the way for me.
I just want peace, at this point i dont really care how i get it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Suicidal. I feel like I'm walking on a brittle, cracked glass floor just waiting to fall through at any step.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Right now, my mental state is significantly better than it has been in years. I still do struggle with some of the negative thoughts that I've always had, but I learning to recognize the fact that it's just my brain working against me and I'm slowly learning to cope with them better.

I still plan on ctbing, but while before I planned on doing so out of my own pain and uncertainy about my future, I now plan on doing so when I finally reach the point where I am able to acheive inner peace. I've decided that I want to die happy. I still need to workout my ctb plans, since I'd like to die a peaceful death, but I have time.

 

[Catch-22]

My current state of mind is that I wish somebody would shoot me.

Me too... I say that everyday

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Fear of uncertainty, tiredness of anxiety, confusion and regret about a lot of things. Actually, if the 1st 2 were somehow removed, life would be way more bearable.
Still don't have an official conclusion of whether I'm indeed on the autistic spectrum.
I want to CTB, but I feel affection and responsibility for my beloved cats.

 

[LevUwU]

state of mind? Who needs that when you have alcohol?

 

[bojackgoes]

I have SN and I plan to use it soon but I don't know how or when. I feel trapped and conflicted. I keep thinking about different locations, don't have the energy to book a hotel but I want access to a bed, don't wanna leave my body for my dad to find. Keep feeling guilty but nothing is getting better and I wanna be dead.

 

[L0neW0lf]

I am done,

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Scrambled.