What is the hardest thing that you have been through so far in your life?

[iwanttodie019]

.

 

[rest2love]

1. My brother killing himself. 2. My mom telling me she was glad I was molested.

 

[whywere]

Having my very best friend ever die back in March 1982.

Even to this day, it hurts like HELL.

He was the person back in March 1974, that stopped after my "parents" dropped me off on a street curb with NO money, food, shelter, job, nothing but a bag with my clothes in it.

He took me back to his folk's place and they let me stay and feed me for free till I got my feet on the ground.

I cannot wait to reconnect with him in Heaven someday.

Walter

 

[iwanttodie019]

Having my very best friend ever die back in March 1982.

Even to this day, it hurts like HELL.

He was the person back in March 1974, that stopped after my "parents" dropped me off on a street curb with NO money, food, shelter, job, nothing but a bag with my clothes in it.

He took me back to his folk's place and they let me stay and feed me for free till I got my feet on the ground.

I cannot wait to reconnect with him in Heaven someday.

Walter

Your parents left you on a street?

 

[whywere]

1. My brother killing himself. 2. My mom telling me she was glad I was molested.

That is so sad about your brother.

Your mom is about the most twsited up person that I have heard of, completely bonkers in all the wrong everything.

Hugs and love to you, my good friend.

Walter

Your parents left you on a street?

Yes, I was never wanted and the day after I turned 18, I was raised on a working dairy farm, they drove me to our local town, dropped me off and I never heard from them again, 100% their choice.

In fact, when they died it was in their wills, that they did NOT want me at their wakes or funerals.

Walter

 

[neurotoxic]

Haven't been the same since my parents died. I can't handle hearing people talk about their families for long. I was closest with my Dad. My relationship with my mom wasn't great, but we were working on it. Then my dad died and not long after my mom as well.

 

[rest2love]

That is so sad about your brother.

Your mom is about the most twsited up person that I have heard of, completely bonkers in all the wrong everything.

Hugs and love to you, my good friend.

Walter

Yes, I was never wanted and the day after I turned 18, I was raised on a working dairy farm, they drove me to our local town, dropped me off and I never heard from them again, 100% their choice.

In fact, when they died it was in their wills, that they did NOT want me at their wakes or funerals.

Walter

Thanks for your kind words. I am sorry for the struggle you dealt with your parents, i wish you the best

 

[iwanttodie019]

That is so sad about your brother.

Your mom is about the most twsited up person that I have heard of, completely bonkers in all the wrong everything.

Hugs and love to you, my good friend.

Walter

Yes, I was never wanted and the day after I turned 18, I was raised on a working dairy farm, they drove me to our local town, dropped me off and I never heard from them again, 100% their choice.

In fact, when they died it was in their wills, that they did NOT want me at their wakes or funerals.

Walter

May I ask where you are from because i know of a country where this is very common?

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Without going into too much detail because of personal reasons, I once met a close friend on here who was stuck in an abusive relationship. I tried to help her get out of it but couldn't and it didn't help that we developed feelings for one another that were much stronger than just being friends. When I realized I couldn't help, it broke me.

 

[Insufficent]

Father accidentaly killing himself, i think with a sexual kink related hanging, mother developing coughmedicine addiction, drunkass stepfather. After all that, to elementay school.

 

[floweryrosee]

Chronic tinnitus that was caused by an irreversible ear damage from headphones. The first 6 months was hard to sleep and it ruined my whole life but I slowly got used to it. Now I have twitches all over my body that I need to go to the doctor for and I'm just imagining worst case scenario if I have a neurological disease or who knows. My teeth's hurts too. This year have been the hardest year of my life so far cause life is fucking me over really badly….

 

[meowpuppy]

i have a few.. but i think the most important is simply being trans and neurodivergent. the mix, not either one. either is manageable, but a mix.. gosh, it's just too much.

 

[mysticall]

Losing my best friend to an overdose the weekend I was supposed to visit him but got a bad feeling and cancelled. Love ya, dre

 

[dragonofenvy]

Spoiler: CSA Warning

While I was in Special Education at the age of 12 I was repeatedly hit and screamed at by the paras there. When I was having meltdowns I would be locked in a very tiny room for very long periods. Often they'd forget to turn the light on so the only light would come from the bottom of the door and the vent near the door. When I was done crying I'd sometimes sit in there for several minutes even if I begged to be let out. It was in this room, during a meltdown that I would be molested by one of the staff at my school. I didn't want to say anything because I was punished so much for trying to tell people what was wrong and I didn't think anybody would believe me because there's still an attitude that sexual violence doesn't happen to males.

I burned it from my memory, but it came back in my early adulthood. I spent so much time repressing it that I didn't realize how much it affected me. Thankfully, it's been getting better through trauma work I've done with my psychologist.

 

[the_gold]

watching myself slowly lose the spark I once had. oh and my brother and ex molesting me (brother when I was 8-11, bf when I was 17)

 

[iwanttodie019]

Spoiler: CSA Warning

While I was in Special Education at the age of 12 I was repeatedly hit and screamed at by the paras there. When I was having meltdowns I would be locked in a very tiny room for very long periods. Often they'd forget to turn the light on so the only light would come from the bottom of the door and the vent near the door. When I was done crying I'd sometimes sit in there for several minutes even if I begged to be let out. It was in this room, during a meltdown that I would be molested by one of the staff at my school. I didn't want to say anything because I was punished so much for trying to tell people what was wrong and I didn't think anybody would believe me because there's still an attitude that sexual violence doesn't happen to males.

I burned it from my memory, but it came back in my early adulthood. I spent so much time repressing it that I didn't realize how much it affected me. Thankfully, it's been getting better through trauma work I've done with my psychologist.

I am sorry you had to go through that.Did you take any legal action against the molester?

 

[dragonofenvy]

I am sorry you had to go through that.Did you take any legal action against the molester?

Nope. I have no idea what happened to them. Hopefully they're in prison.

 

[iwanttodie019]

Nope. I have no idea what happened to them. Hopefully they're in prison.

Nope. I have no idea what happened to them. Hopefully they're in prison.

If you never took any legal action,then what makes you believe they are in prison?

 

[dragonofenvy]

If you never took any legal action,then what makes you believe they are in prison?

I don't know. It's just something that I hope happened. After all, most abusers will have more than one victim and they likely would've been caught eventually. I regret not trying harder to pursue action but at the time I was a child and didn't know what was happening and it was overall just a bad situation. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess. I still feel like there were actions I could've taken, but the past is the past. The only thing that can be done now is to live in the present.

 

[Lamentice]

Getting kicked out at 17, the event itself was horrific and the barrage of events that followed have killed me more and more every year. I am exhausted, if the universe wants the whole lot it can have it, I am done fighting, every year there is less of me to fight for anyway.

Wouldn't have been better to stay in that "home"... I needed out, I knew for a while it was gonna end like that, but that doesn't prepare you.

I can't survive anymore, I think I've done a good enough job to finally rest. I want peace for myself.

 

[iwanttodie019]

I don't know. It's just something that I hope happened. After all, most abusers will have more than one victim and they likely would've been caught eventually. I regret not trying harder to pursue action but at the time I was a child and didn't know what was happening and it was overall just a bad situation. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess. I still feel like there were actions I could've taken, but the past is the past. The only thing that can be done now is to live in the present.

Did you even report?

Getting kicked out at 17, the event itself was horrific and the barrage of events that followed have killed me more and more every year. I am exhausted, if the universe wants the whole lot it can have it, I am done fighting, every year there is less of me to fight for anyway.

Wouldn't have been better to stay in that "home"... I needed out, I knew for a while it was gonna end like that, but that doesn't prepare you.

I can't survive anymore, I think I've done a good enough job to finally rest. I want peace for myself.

Why were you kicked out at 17?

 

[dragonofenvy]

Did you even report?

No.

 

[coolcow1289]

My first (and only) girlfriend breaking up with me. I know that's nothing compared to all the stuff I see on this thread. But it was 6 years ago and it's all only gotten worse.

 

[Lamentice]

Why were you kicked out at 17?

I mean, ultimately my parents just wanted to get rid of me. But the actual catalyst event: I refused conversion therapy and denounced the cult I was gonna recieve it in.

 

[limenlux]

My mother fell out with the rest of the family and took me to live with one of her friends in a filthy dump with 6 other kids and a random assortment of adults where all of the children were slowly starving to death and being beaten and locked in various closets around the house for hours on end. Thankfully a relentless neighbor finally convinced the state to get involved.

 

[Lullaby]

Since I was a kid, I've had a lot of trauma. I was born into a severely violent household and watched a lot of things happen that no kid should see, that I'm obviously still dealing with now as I'm about to soon approach 32 next weekend.

I was abused as a kid by acquaintances, raped on my 18th birthday by someone I trusted, I've had my heart broken over the years, I've lost boyfriends, friends, etc. So I've been through a lot.

I would say currently what's going on in my life is by far the hardest thing I've deal with, though. I lent on my dad for everything, and him with me as well, and since he passed last month everything has gone to a level of shit I didn't even think was possible.

I have three estranged half siblings - only one met my dad and me back when I was 17 after they found him online. They've had a rocky relationship and I think he last spoke to them a few years ago.

I called the oldest sister the day I found out he died, totally sobbing on the phone while she was nonchalant. Now she's done a total 180…implying that I'm a deadbeat, saying she knows what he would've wanted, posting pictures of him in a group chat, etc.

I was closed off the last couple of weeks struggling and I feel horrible because I think I let things get too out of my control. She's taken over the logistics over everything and is trying to remove me from it.

She even went out of her way to call a separate funeral home from the one we were in contact with to pick up his body. It took me two weeks to even find out where he was.

She found out that I planned on going up to his apartment to get a box of his clothes just to keep, and my mom, aunt and uncle volunteered to come with me for support. She's been calling all day and threatening me and my mom. Claiming no one is allowed to go there but her and that she told his building management.

I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with her, why she has so much resentment towards us and what it is she even wants from his place, especially since she's never been there.

I can't believe some of the stuff she messaged me and my mom, even berating me for not identifying "their dad's" body (the home wouldn't send me or my mom a picture and told us he was in bad shape). I'm also sure now she's going to prevent me from getting a part of his ashes.

I'm trying not to let myself spiral from it, especially since I know how close me and my dad were, but this has been insanely hard.

I have absolutely no friends, besides a few online, so I don't really have a huge support system and as you can see, my family is super dysfunctional lol. Totally envious of people who do, that's a super fortunate thing to have.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Damn Lullaby I'm sorry for all the hell you've gone through and what you're experiencing now. Losing your dad sounds so horrible and for your half sister to suddenly pretend she cares about him after all this time once she realized she could benefit from doing so only proves to me what a psychopathic bitch she clearly is. Wish I could do more to help you feel better than a comment and a hugging emoji but hugs to you and I wish you the best.

 

[iwanttodie019]

Since I was a kid, I've had a lot of trauma. I was born into a severely violent household and watched a lot of things happen that no kid should see, that I'm obviously still dealing with now as I'm about to soon approach 32 next weekend.

I was abused as a kid by acquaintances, raped on my 18th birthday by someone I trusted, I've had my heart broken over the years, I've lost boyfriends, friends, etc. So I've been through a lot.

I would say currently what's going on in my life is by far the hardest thing I've deal with, though. I lent on my dad for everything, and him with me as well, and since he passed last month everything has gone to a level of shit I didn't even think was possible.

I have three estranged half siblings - only one met my dad and me back when I was 17 after they found him online. They've had a rocky relationship and I think he last spoke to them a few years ago.

I called the oldest sister the day I found out he died, totally sobbing on the phone while she was nonchalant. Now she's done a total 180…implying that I'm a deadbeat, saying she knows what he would've wanted, posting pictures of him in a group chat, etc.

I was closed off the last couple of weeks struggling and I feel horrible because I think I let things get too out of my control. She's taken over the logistics over everything and is trying to remove me from it.

She even went out of her way to call a separate funeral home from the one we were in contact with to pick up his body. It took me two weeks to even find out where he was.

She found out that I planned on going up to his apartment to get a box of his clothes just to keep, and my mom, aunt and uncle volunteered to come with me for support. She's been calling all day and threatening me and my mom. Claiming no one is allowed to go there but her and that she told his building management.

I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with her, why she has so much resentment towards us and what it is she even wants from his place, especially since she's never been there.

I can't believe some of the stuff she messaged me and my mom, even berating me for not identifying "their dad's" body (the home wouldn't send me or my mom a picture and told us he was in bad shape). I'm also sure now she's going to prevent me from getting a part of his ashes.

I'm trying not to let myself spiral from it, especially since I know how close me and my dad were, but this has been insanely hard.

I have absolutely no friends, besides a few online, so I don't really have a huge support system and as you can see, my family is super dysfunctional lol. Totally envious of people who do, that's a super fortunate thing to have.

I am so sorry you had to go through all of these.May I know,where you are from?

 

[noname223]

I have been through a lot of abuse and severe mental pain. But the worst day of my life happened in 2016. Actually, now when I think about it probably happened in summer ( or spring) 2016 (now 10 years ago). I had a psychosis months earlier. And I developed major depression with very extreme psychosomatic pain in my legs afterards. It felt like my body was torn apart. The pain was very hard to cope with. My friends just got their degree from school I think. Something I wasn't able to at that time. I cried so much in the car of my mom because it made me so sad. I had to take medication that let me gain weight. I have very big issues with weight because I was bullied for that as teenager. I think I took a new medication (with less weight gain) but it caused obstipation. I had a hard time to go to the toilet. And I ended up with an anal fissure. I went to a doctor for treating that. He wasn't pleased I had shit inside my ass but I just wasn't able to shit anymore. I told him I am taking mental health medication I am not sure how that interacts with pain killers. This was so fucking stupid. I shouldn't have said that. But I was new in the game with all these doctors. So he treated the anal fissure without anasthetics. The worst wasn't the procedure. The most horrible thing came at night. The medication made me really hungry....and well I had to take a shit. But I still had the obstipation. I can remember it hurt really really extreme when I went to the toilet and especially afterwards. I cried very much because of the pain. And you have to think it was on top of major depression and extreme psychosomatic pain in my legs. I could not sleep the whole night. I was in so much pain I walked up and down in our apartment the whole night. My mom was really annoyed by my loud crying because she had to work the next day. I am not sure why I didn't take pain killers. Maybe I took some pain killers and they didn't work properly. But this day shaped my relation to life and death a lot. In general this year was extremely horrible. Never in my life do I want to return to this state...

 

[Lullaby]

I am so sorry you had to go through all of these.May I know, where you are from?

I'm from the US/New York!