What is holding you back from ctb right now

[Klo]

The things holding me back are some sliver of hope that my life will get better again, but that is really unlikely. Also fear of failure and limited options for method at the moment.

On the other hand I am in serious pain from a permanent condition that will not be getting better, and this pandemic has really isolated me from everything that was good in my life and got me laid off from my job. So my dr has me on steroids and I'm feeling really amped up and wanting to ctb but I'm just not ready quite yet. I'm hoping I will feel ready soon. My current feeling is not very pleasant and is being made worse by the steroids.

What are other people holding on to that prevents from ctb right now?

 

[chocolatebar]

What's holding me back? I don't even know anymore

 

[Klo]

What's holding me back? I don't even know anymore

Yeah just having decided that ctb is what I want to do has changed how I experience life. I wish I could just do it now.

 

[Lost Magic]

I feel like I am becoming more numb than before. Maybe that is a good thing. I normally cry a lot but the pain of existence is becoming unbearable, so hopefully soon.

 

[Klo]

I feel like I am becoming more numb than before. Maybe that is a good thing. I normally cry a lot but the pain of existence is becoming unbearable, so hopefully soon.

I understand that. I stopped crying about a year ago and I worked to feel less emotion. I hope your suffering is lessened no matter how that happens.

 

[waitingforrest]

Just the fear of failing and ending up worse.

 

[Shu]

The pain and mess I'm going to leave behind. Also need a tent.

 

[xo777]

I'm scared of feeling what I did during my last attempt the panic of wanting to live and not being able to help myself. So I am waiting for my N to be delivered.
The fear of regret I don't want my cat to miss me or look for me.

 

[Al Cappella]

Lack of intensity at the moment. I'm not really motivated to do much of anything…

 

[Klo]

I'm scared of feeling what I did during my last attempt the panic of wanting to live and not being able to help myself. So I am waiting for my N to be delivered.
The fear of regret I don't want my cat to miss me or look for me.

Did you call for help to survive or just wait it out?

 

[symphony]

In order of significance:

1. I don't have good means or a set plan yet
2. CTB before moving out of my parents' house would cause them unnecessary trauma
3. Part of me still clings to a mirage of hope

 

[Klo]

In order of significance:

1. I don't have good means or a set plan yet
2. CTB before moving out of my parents' house would cause them unnecessary trauma
3. Part of me still clings to a mirage of hope

All very understandable. If you still have hope things could improve. I've lived many extra years because of mild improvements in the past

 

[Red Scare]

Literally nothing. I have what I need, I should be making final plans but instead I log on to this website.... so I guess I blame this place. I get reading and sympathizing with others and then also in the chat, we're either having a good time or talking someone down from a virtual ledge, or commiserating, or being supportive.

But soon I think my own life situation will be unavoidable and I'll have to go.

 

[Klo]

Literally nothing. I have what I need, I should be making final plans but instead I log on to this website.... so I guess I blame this place. I get reading and sympathizing with others and then also in the chat, we're either having a good time or talking someone down from a virtual ledge, or commiserating, or being supportive.

But soon I think my own life situation will be unavoidable and I'll have to go.

Very interesting I think I have been using the website for the same reason. It's a shame that we can't admit our real feelings irl.

 

[Q-Dust]

Not having a simple painless method, The only thing is my life that I'll truly miss if I died is vtubers, If I could press a button and be done with it I wouldn't be making this comment

 

[Klo]

Not having a simple painless method, The only thing is my life that I'll truly miss if I died is vtubers, If I could press a button and be done with it I wouldn't be making this comment

Same here about the button and I probably would have left long ago if I had a gun.

 

[Riddle]

Yea seriously, if there was just an on/off button I think 90% of us wouldn't be here right now

 

[UnravelingWinter]

Not having a peaceful method. Just waiting on acquiring N

 

[Ednospatient]

Every day I wonder do I really want to die but then reality hits me in the face and I'm like "yep"

Also I'm not dead yet because my SN is confiscated.

 

[Klo]

Every day I wonder do I really want to die but then reality hits me in the face and I'm like "yep"

Same

 

[SubZero]

My fucking survival instinct. I know i will cbt for sure, whether it is sooner or later. I thought having N will make me use it right away but that did not happen. I am a little scared but deep down i know 100% I gotta die fast, before it gets even worse - and believe me worse is coming for sure. I am already dead from the inside.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

There is currently Nothing stopping me from CTB'ing, My best friend Max The Staffie Passed away a month ago and l don't know why I haven't left yet, unless it's the hope that l might get my housemate and friend into bed, she's seriously beautiful and proper sexy!

 

[13_reasons]

What's holding me back? I don't even know anymore

This sums things up perfectly for me. I should print this on a t shirt and just wander around with it on in the grocery store

 

[Pol]

nothing should... and yet, here we are.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Severe consequences should I fail,lack of courage and health to book a hotel room to do it and extremely high social anxiety. I would not hesitate even for a second to kms, if I had a gun right now.

 

[meetapple]

Even though the bad times hurt me I have good times.

 

[AloneInCollege]

Fear and apathy mostly

 

[ClownMe]

My dog.

 

[I need peace]

My husband, he knows what I've decided, I already bought sn and medicines, I just need a day when he's not home. I love him dearly and don't want him to hurt, but I can't bare existing in this world no more

 

[AreWeWinning]

Fear of the unknown, fear of what comes after. Afterlife, non-existence, whatever it is...

Guilt. I feel sorry for myself. I feel like I still have some worth, and I feel guilt for throwing it away.