link182
Member
- Jan 31, 2026
- 11
Hate, what is hate? For me its when i look in the mirror and can't stop myself from spitting at the reflection looking back at me. Hate is when i would wrap a USB cord around my neck each night and strangle myself right after being discharged from a mental ward. I would wrap a usb cord around my neck each night lay down. Wrap the other end of the cord around my feet and pull. I would strangle myself not to die but to feel something real. Not something others want me to feel but something real. A very faint mark around my neck remains from the weeks of strangulation I inflicted on myself. When i would take 10 times the dosage of my pills just to stop feeling and just to become a paper weight. Hate is the feeling i have when i can't function like everyone else. When social security approves me for mental health but ignores the fact i can't maintain a normal lifestyle unrelated to mental health. Hate is the feeling where i want solitude i want to be by myself and can't even approach true solitude. Im imprisoned to the point i want to smash the mirror. People never understand what it means when i say i hate my life. Im not being cute or disingenuous. Hate is a deep feeling of wanting to die but failing to do so. My thoughts are clear my actions are clearer yet i feel others will think me mad. Im not mad im being direct as possible no lies or hidden agendas i hate everything about my life. I do not regret my past actions not at all sure it might make me selfish but thats ok. In my personal opinion i have nothing to live for but what others expect and that alone is insufficient and not a reason to live. Hate is the low energy i have, doctors always ask if i get enough sleep. All i do is sleep or feel sleepy my body lacks all energy.
