What if anything holds you back from taking your life?

[bacardirum]

I have to be honest, I thought once my mother passed away I would be able to commit suicide, she died not so long ago, the funeral and all that stuff was so depressing. I was really close to her, and when she was alive the thought of knowing the news of me being dead to her was enough to hold me off doing anything, but now that she is dead, I still have my father alive, and I now feel the same way but it has switched to him. I always have this underlying issue of letting down 2 people who made me. I guess for me this has always held me back, though if my dad were not here I do not believe I would have any barriers left.

What holds you back (if anything)?

 

[FauxEmotions]

I'd think the same exact way, like pops already lost Mom, couldn't put even more pain on his shoulders especially from taking my own life. However, for me, it's really just my mother holding me back from doing it. I mean, I know my dad (sorta) and have love for as my father but not much more. My mom however has been my absolute everything and she's the textbook for unconditional love, I couldn't take my life knowing how it would completely destroy her.

 

[Halo13]

My dog. He's a rescue and my only "family". Other than that, nothing but waiting for my ctb supplies.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. It is natural to feel as if you're letting your father down however I have never met a parent of a child who committed suicide that felt any disappointment - they felt grief, sadness and tried to understand why. They are also quick to blame everyone but the person who died, like "bad" friends or relationships.

 

[sunny.sativa]

My family, mainly.
Just like you, I'm very close to my mom. As well as my dad, and my kid brother.. I could NOT destroy them like that, as much as I've felt the desire to take my life, it has usually been the last thought before I decide to keep the bucket under me.

Also, a girl has goals!! I wanna do some cool shit for a while. If I'm supposed to be alive for a while, I guess I wanna join the navy, travel and do some scary, wild activities before I can't do that anymore.

And one more thing.. tbh, nature is so beautiful, and none of these fucking assholes on earth take care of it. If I'm making even the tiniest, most insignificant difference on this planet by showing her the love and respect she deserves, that's enough for me. At least it's somethin. :)

 

[JadedGray]

My dog. He's a rescue and my only "family". Other than that, nothing but waiting for my ctb supplies.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. It is natural to feel as if you're letting your father down however I have never met a parent of a child who committed suicide that felt any disappointment - they felt grief, sadness and tried to understand why. They are also quick to blame everyone but the person who died, like "bad" friends or relationships.

Same here, but I know my dog will be in good hands when I go.

I have to be honest, I thought once my mother passed away I would be able to commit suicide, she died not so long ago, the funeral and all that stuff was so depressing. I was really close to her, and when she was alive the thought of knowing the news of me being dead to her was enough to hold me off doing anything, but now that she is dead, I still have my father alive, and I now feel the same way but it has switched to him. I always have this underlying issue of letting down 2 people who made me. I guess for me this has always held me back, though if my dad were not here I do not believe I would have any barriers left.

What holds you back (if anything)?

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Mort]

For me its the same old story to chicken shit to die bin like that most of my life keep thinking they sum thing good around the corner. But they just more crap every day and as for my family I don't think they mind bin a disappointment to them most of my life . One day i will get it that life is just a pile of crap and end it just got to nock this optimism on the head first.

 

[snowman626]

the current plan is once my mother dies I'll ctb within 1-3 years. but if my father is still alive I don't plan on staying for him, but I'll leave behind a bottle of N or something so he can have the choice to go peacefully if he wanted to. the problem of staying for my father is then where does it end? do I also then have to stay for my sister who is my age which means staying till I'm 80? gotta draw the line somewhere

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

An interesting turn of events today: I'm hospitalized trying to have seizures so that the doctor(s?) Have something to look at. If all goes well, I might just get rid of epilepsy and regain my freedom!

 

[Halo13]

An interesting turn of events today: I'm hospitalized trying to have seizures so that the doctor(s?) Have something to look at. If all goes well, I might just get rid of epilepsy and regain my freedom!

Think you were thinking of the neurologist. They read the results and treat accordingly. What kind do you have? I have Grand mal seizures. Epilepsy is terrible untreated, I feel for you. Fingers crossed they can figure out a good treatment plan for you! It sounds like you're getting an EEG. Will they be putting wires all over your head?

 

[Escaper Boy]

My circumstances are totally different. My family is the reason why I want to exit this world. If an earthquake is happening right now and all of my family members ended up "eliminated", I would no longer have any reason to ctb. My depression would instantly disappear.

 

[Chalken]

My parents. They are really caring although they don't fully understand my depression. I feel really guilty when I think about their reaction to my suicide.

 

[outhor]

Leaving my family holds me back, but i must say if i could get N, i would CTB in one of many moments of deep depressions that i have, i would like to have a good method available.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Family … mostly my parents.

 

[Kuris]

The fear of loved ones following my path just because of the pain that I caused.

 

[sunny.sativa]

the current plan is once my mother dies I'll ctb within 1-3 years. but if my father is still alive I don't plan on staying for him, but I'll leave behind a bottle of N or something so he can have the choice to go peacefully if he wanted to. the problem of staying for my father is then where does it end? do I also then have to stay for my sister who is my age which means staying till I'm 80? gotta draw the line somewhere

I didn't ignore your response, I liked it, but I just wanted to tell you that your avatar is pretty rad.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I have to be honest, I thought once my mother passed away I would be able to commit suicide, she died not so long ago, the funeral and all that stuff was so depressing. I was really close to her, and when she was alive the thought of knowing the news of me being dead to her was enough to hold me off doing anything, but now that she is dead, I still have my father alive, and I now feel the same way but it has switched to him. I always have this underlying issue of letting down 2 people who made me. I guess for me this has always held me back, though if my dad were not here I do not believe I would have any barriers left.

What holds you back (if anything)?

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother friend.
I don't know if you have lost people close to you before but, grief and grieving are important.
I know a bit about the conundrum you feel about letting people down, I know it is very difficult but sometimes talking through with someone might help.
Whatever your future holds brother I hope you can find some peace.

For me I have similar things holding me back from a family point of view, but also as it turns out I'm either a massive pussy or my SI is rather robust.

Good luck friend

DBD

 

[snowman626]

I didn't ignore your response, I liked it, but I just wanted to tell you that your avatar is pretty rad.

lol couldn't get your avatar off my mind so I got a similar one. was hoping you would notice

 

[Xaphous]

I've never lived, never experienced what the vast majority of people have, just housebound agoraphobic and isolated my entire life. I can't change that because I'm a target for abuse from everyone. The fake feeling that I may experience my basic human social and sexual needs met once in my fucking life but probably not.

 

[Tally]

My dog. He's a rescue and my only "family". Other than that, nothing but waiting for my ctb supplies.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. It is natural to feel as if you're letting your father down however I have never met a parent of a child who committed suicide that felt any disappointment - they felt grief, sadness and tried to understand why. They are also quick to blame everyone but the person who died, like "bad" friends or relationships.

I'm glad you have your dog, loving an animal is so wonderful. I've thought about getting a dog, but as I don't already have one, I feel it would be wrong of me given how I feel. I am sure you are suffering, but your little baby will always love you unconditionally

 

[deathenvoy]

My circumstances are totally different. My family is the reason why I want to exit this world. If an earthquake is happening right now and all of my family members ended up "eliminated", I would no longer have any reason to ctb. My depression would instantly disappear.

Maybe you can isolate yourself from them?

 

[TheFinalCountdown]

I have a long shot plan to solve my problems but if that should fail then I'll be out of excuses

 

[Severen]

Not being able to save up enough $$$. I want to have fun before I CTB and CTB with style and with a smile on my face.

 

[soda_pressed]

My family. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because I hate living so so much, but I hate the idea of hurting them.

 

[kappa]

Nobody would care if I'm gone, I've tried and just ended up in the hospital. What's keeping me is fear of failure and being hospitalized, or severe damage/vegetable. Nothing is certain, even gunshots are survivable. That and the physical pain.

 

[Severen]

My family. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because I hate living so so much, but I hate the idea of hurting them.

I guess I'm lucky because I hate everyone in my family except my mother. Nothing really getting in my way. It would suck having a lot of family members I care about, a girlfriend or wife, kids etc... Because that would just make the whole process, more difficult and unpleasant...

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Fear of what's to come after death. I just want there to be a peaceful afterlife. But what if there's not...

 

[Lookingforhelp93]

My family. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because I hate living so so much, but I hate the idea of hurting them.

Pretty much same. Tough place to be in.

 

[LastFlowers]

The dead dream of a life. It's like a part of me waits around for it to be ressurected. Which is as close to impossible as you can get. But I still cannot believe this is what I have to deal with. I am still shocked by my situation.

And the much more possible thought of failing at CTB and then ending up even worse with no ability to end things.

 

[Allpainnogain]

The dead dream of a life. It's like a part of me waits around for it to be ressurected. Which is as close to impossible as you can get. But I still cannot believe this is what I have to deal with. I am still shocked by my situation.

And the much more possible thought of failing at CTB and then ending up even worse with no ability to end things.

I am also still in shock this is how my life wound up. It's so sad

 

[mutagen]

The potential of failure and ending up in a worse situation than I am in now, and the amount of pain I would need to endure to ctb. As a Christian, I have been debating with myself, what will happen to my soul. I do not know if I am right or wrong, but my conclusion is if I am saved, I should go to heaven but will have to face the consequences. We were made in the image of God and given the gift of life. Desecrating our body, violates the image of God