What I Wanted Out of Life

[Unattainable666]

Sorry I'm posting so much. Time is close and I want to get all my thoughts out on "paper." My entire life I've felt invisible. At work I would do the best job I could, but it was never good enough. There was always someone else better (for example boob girl with the sugar glider down her shirt). Boob girl would go on vacation to Mexico all the time and her work became my work. I did the best job I could to do the job of two and handling 8 attorneys at one time. I never complained, always volunteered to say late, would do anything for anybody. All for naught. I can still hear the bitch's voice in my head telling me how worthless I am, how I'll never amount to anything, how I'm nothing but a loser. Are these going to be the last words I hear as I lay dying? I hope not. I've always wanted to help people who were hurting. Hell I used to cry at the Miss America contest yeah I know that's really cheesy. Now, I'm old. No job, no money, no home (end of March), no one in my life who cares. Why would I want to stay here? I've lived a difficult life. A lot of people have left me in one way or another. Most abused me emotionally, mentally and physically (even sexually). I wish I had a do over. But I don't it's come to a point where there is no hope left - no job appearing, no money appearing. Been homeless before I will NEVER go down that road again. I'm so overwhelmingly sad. So sad my life turned out the way it did. I tried so hard - so very hard. For what? to be 62 broke, jobless, homeless (soon) and alone. I know this sounds like a pity party and maybe it is, I just am really struggling with this entire situation. Sorry.

 

[voidstar]

I don't really know what to say other than I'm so sorry for you that life has turned out this way. It's not fair and you'd deserved so much better than what you got. It's infuriating, really.
I prefer my pets company over human company, so far they haven't turned out to be cunts. Family and friends aren't safe, either.
Wishing you strength.

 

[Unattainable666]

I don't really know what to say other than I'm so sorry for you that life has turned out this way. It's not fair and you'd deserved so much better than what you got. It's infuriating, really.
I prefer my pets company over human company, so far they haven't turned out to be cunts. Family and friends aren't safe, either.
Wishing you strength.

I agree with you. My cat is 15 years old. Sweet Pea

 

[Linda]

Everyone's life comes to an end eventually. Those of us who believe that catching the bus is an honorable way to go when the time comes, i.e. everyone on this forum, will understand if you decide that time is approaching for you. I won't try to make suggestions about how you could continue to try to make someting of live, because I don't have any meaningful ones to offer.

We will all continue to be here for you.

Do you have a definite plan for what you intend to do next? Do you want to share it on this forum?

 

[voidstar]

I agree with you. My cat is 15 years old. Sweet Pea

I adore that name Did you make preparations for her? Friends/family/no-kill shelter? That's what troubles me the most when I leave, my two cats Boeber and Motte :(
Send Sweet Pea some love from me if you can!

 

[Unattainable666]

Everyone's life comes to an end eventually. Those of us who believe that catching the bus is an honorable way to go when the time comes, i.e. everyone on this forum, will understand if you decide that time has is approaching for you. I won't try to make suggestions about how you could continue to try to make someting of live, because I don't have any meaningful ones to offer.

We will all continue to be here for you.

Do you have a definite plan for what you intend to do next? Do you want to share it on this forum?

I do have a plan in place.

 

[AshersGirl]

I don't have words to fix it.
Sometimes we try, and try, and try as best we can in life but get hit by repeated traumas that just suck the life from us. It's exhausting existing.

Reading bits of your story and wishing I could hug you. For what little it's worth, from reading your words on here, you are by no means a loser. You're a kind person who life has battered in unimaginably painful ways.

 

[Unattainable666]

I don't have words to fix it.
Sometimes we try, and try, and try as best we can in life but get hit by repeated traumas that just suck the life from us. It's exhausting existing.

Reading bits of your story and wishing I could hug you. For what little it's worth, from reading your words on here, you are by no means a loser. You're a kind person who life has battered in unimaginably painful ways.

Your kind words mean so much to me, thank you.

 

[Homo erectus]

It doesn't really matter. My life is a long chain of weakest links. Any one is bound to break. And in fact, more than one has. I think I'll have to redo it again.

 

[Guy_Smiley]

No need to be sorry. Nothing wrong with venting. I'm really sorry about all that you've been through and have had to endure. I hope you find relief from your suffering, and I wish you nothing but peace

 

[AllAlone]

It is sad how some people are ignored by society and just don't matter. All I want is to not be alone but I am broken and not lovable. So I will die alone and my life will have been a huge waste. It's sad thinking about how my life has no meaning and how nobody at all cares about me or will notice I'm gone.

 

[Unattainable666]

It is sad how some people are ignored by society and just don't matter. All I want is to not be alone but I am broken and not lovable. So I will die alone and my life will have been a huge waste. It's sad thinking about how my life has no meaning and how nobody at all cares about me or will notice I'm gone.

I'll know and I care.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

What I really wanted - just be myself and do what I am good at. Bumped into freaking predators instead.

 

[FitsTime]

What I really wanted - just be myself and do what I am good at. Bumped into freaking predators instead.

It's all like this nowadays.
At least we can share these thoughts here. The more you believe in something, the easiest is for them to cut through you.

 

[recat]

Sorry I'm posting so much. Time is close and I want to get all my thoughts out on "paper." My entire life I've felt invisible. At work I would do the best job I could, but it was never good enough. There was always someone else better (for example boob girl with the sugar glider down her shirt). Boob girl would go on vacation to Mexico all the time and her work became my work. I did the best job I could to do the job of two and handling 8 attorneys at one time. I never complained, always volunteered to say late, would do anything for anybody. All for naught. I can still hear the bitch's voice in my head telling me how worthless I am, how I'll never amount to anything, how I'm nothing but a loser. Are these going to be the last words I hear as I lay dying? I hope not. I've always wanted to help people who were hurting. Hell I used to cry at the Miss America contest yeah I know that's really cheesy. Now, I'm old. No job, no money, no home (end of March), no one in my life who cares. Why would I want to stay here? I've lived a difficult life. A lot of people have left me in one way or another. Most abused me emotionally, mentally and physically (even sexually). I wish I had a do over. But I don't it's come to a point where there is no hope left - no job appearing, no money appearing. Been homeless before I will NEVER go down that road again. I'm so overwhelmingly sad. So sad my life turned out the way it did. I tried so hard - so very hard. For what? to be 62 broke, jobless, homeless (soon) and alone. I know this sounds like a pity party and maybe it is, I just am really struggling with this entire situation. Sorry.

Fuck, this hurts to read. this feels like I am reading my future. Im so sorry man. You really did deserve so much more than this. I wish I had words for this, but I am just at a complete lack of words. I just don't have anything. I hope you can find peace somehow, one way or another.

 

[Raven2]

Please dont apologise for posting, I have read your recent threads, vent as much as you want and we will be here to listen to you.
I wish you were treated with the respect you deserve at work. Seems the more you give the more colleagues/bosses take advantage of your good nature and work ethic.
Makes me sad reading others hardships, I wish I could wave a magic wand and take away everyones pain. You've been through a lot and have been a warrior through it all.

 

[h.s.p.]

You've been fighting for a very long time and endured so much. Being much younger than you and about to quit, I can only say that you were not easily broken.
I never experienced the hardships you have - mine is a completely different story - and I admire you for having kept it up for so long.
When the time comes, I hope the only words you'll hear are those of this community. As you can see from the feedback you receive, you truly matter here

 

[BarnabasCollins]

We've talked before and noted how much we have in common. After reading your post, I feel that is more so. I know what it is to be overlooked except by those who abuse you. I've been working for attorneys being overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated. They blame me for everything that goes wrong. I get it.

I've been sexually abused, too. Emotionally and, at times, physically from the day I was born. I'm in the middle of a divorce that's cost me all my money and resources. She's determined to destroy me and has used my mental health struggles as ammunition. Trusting her with my innermost thoughts was one of the worst mistakes of my life. You'd think I'd have learned. It's been hell.

That is not to make this thread about me, but to remark how much we do have in common. At least in this, you are not alone. I empathize more than usual with your struggles and your pain. My heart breaks for what you've been through; I am shedding literal tears after reading your post.

I am sorry this cold, unforgiving, cruel world mistreated you so. That you were overworked and underpaid. Burned out by employers who didn't care. Bullied and abused by others. I would take away your pain if I could. You've been so brave and resilient. You've more than earned your rest.

Thank you for sharing. Your story has meant a lot to me. I will remember you until I catch the bus myself. You are not alone. You are not forgotten. You meant something. It was the world that failed you. The world would be a far better place if more people were like you. I will think of you when I go to my rest.

Thank you again. May you find the peace you deserve and have been so cruelly denied in this life.

 

[LittleJem]

62 and homeless am so sorry. I am a little younger than you - in my 40s. I have been homeless. I can't imagine what it is to face it once again. Am guessing you are in USA which seems to be a brutal country in so many ways.

This is a cruel world.