Venting what I feared just happened

[αmber]

I just want to share with you what just happened to me and it is what I feared the most. I just got notified that I'm being kicked out of college due to the poor grades I had last year.

Last year was a tough one for me. I had problems with neighbors and my depression got a lot worse to the point couldn't even eat. I even got help from a psychologist and (February this year) I started taking medicines prescribed by my psychiatrist. I was feeling a bit better and things seemed to be going correctly. Until the e-mail I received a couple of hours ago saying I'm being kicked out of college.

I now feel detached from reality and feel like I'm in a dream. Tomorrow I'm going to my psychologist for the last time and I'm telling him words of departure. I'll either drown myself in the river next to my university or jump from a tall tower they have there.

Exiting reality never seemed so close to happening as today.

Just a vent.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It really is so horrible when things just get worse. One of the most awful things about life is that there is no limit as to how bad things can get and how much we can suffer. Life does scare me. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do and I hope you find relief from your pain.

 

[Sakura94]

You are in shock. I think you should just take some time for your brain to get used to what has happened. And there may be a way to correct the situation once you have time to think a way about it. You were doing well and that has not changed.

 

[αmber]

You are in shock. I think you should just take some time for your brain to get used to what has happened. And there may be a way to correct the situation once you have time to think a way about it. You were doing well and that has not changed.

Thank you for these words

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It really is so horrible when things just get worse. One of the most awful things about life is that there is no limit as to how bad things can get and how much we can suffer. Life does scare me. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do and I hope you find relief from your pain.

The good side of life seems to have a clear limit to me, it is limited by my genetics, chemistry in my brain and some rare moments of pleasure I had. The bad side of life seems to not have a limit. As I get worse, I feel like I pushed that limit a little further so next time I can go even lower.

 

[its-about-time]

I agree that you should take some time to feel the emotions around what just happened then work on gaining some perspective on the situation. Your world is crashing right now, but if you're able to look at your world as larger than just being a college student, you might realize everything else is still intact. You were feeling better before this, I believe in your ability to hold onto that Good luck, I hope you find your footing again soon.

 

[wljourney]

I am very sorry you are in this situation.
It sounds like you are disassociating to deal with the shock.

The good news is: you have been receiving treatment AND that's a very good argument to use with your college to get an extension/grace period/whatever.

Talk to your counselor/psychiatrist tomorrow. A bit of paperwork but this fight is not lost yet! By far not!

Take a break, talk to someone who can help you advocate. The pandemic has been really awful for thousands of students and there are good arguments on your side to convince your college to not kick you out!

 

[αmber]

I am very sorry you are in this situation.
It sounds like you are disassociating to deal with the shock.

The good news is: you have been receiving treatment AND that's a very good argument to use with your college to get an extension/grace period/whatever.

Talk to your counselor/psychiatrist tomorrow. A bit of paperwork but this fight is not lost yet! By far not!

Take a break, talk to someone who can help you advocate. The pandemic has been really awful for thousands of students and there are good arguments on your side to convince your college to not kick you out!

Thank you for the soothing words.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Did your tutors know you were suffering with depression? Like other people have said, I would have thought that should be considered as mitigating circumstances.

I can completely understand that the email must have come as a really nasty shock when it felt like things were on the mend but I really hope there are ways you can appeal it. I really hope things work out.

 

[clown_17]

I'd really recommend waiting a bit before attempting. Do you think you could contact your colleges disability/accommodation services? With a diagnosis of depression you could be able to explain and prove to them that you are mentally ill and that's why you struggled last year, maybe convincing them to let you stay. Regardless I hope you look through other options before attempting. Maybe there's another college you can go to where your classes will transfer over?
If you do chose to ctb I wish you peace, and a painless exit. I'm sorry life has been so cruel.

 

[αmber]

Did your tutors know you were suffering with depression? Like other people have said, I would have thought that should be considered as mitigating circumstances.

I can completely understand that the email must have come as a really nasty shock when it felt like things were on the mend but I really hope there are ways you can appeal it. I really hope things work out.

I'd really recommend waiting a bit before attempting. Do you think you could contact your colleges disability/accommodation services? With a diagnosis of depression you could be able to explain and prove to them that you are mentally ill and that's why you struggled last year, maybe convincing them to let you stay. Regardless I hope you look through other options before attempting. Maybe there's another college you can go to where your classes will transfer over?
If you do chose to ctb I wish you peace, and a painless exit. I'm sorry life has been so cruel.

One professor of mine knows and the psychologist I go to is from my college. I will try that. Everything will become clearer by the end of next week. I have a bit of time to decide what to do.

Thank you