Personally I'd be relieved to finally cease existing and never suffer in this futile, torturous existence ever again, all I hope for is the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep where this existence is no longer my problem and there is no more pain, no more suffering. For me existing will aways be deeply undesirable in every way, I just want to cease existing and forget about it all, I just want peace from the terrible burden of human existence, to me existence always felt like a mistake.