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birdie8

birdie8

sorting through my thoughts
Jun 7, 2025
27
What do you think your family or friend's reactions would be if they knew you were frequenting this website? Have any of your loved ones found out you're here, or almost have?

For me, I predict my family would accuse me of being erratic and entirely overdramatic. In our culture, mental health is seen as a personal weakness that's entirely optional. It makes me laugh, because if it was optional do they think I'd choose to be like this? The person I'd fear the most discovering this is my fiancé. I've done everything in my power to hide my involvement in this site from him, as I truly think he'd be upset and devastated. I feel awful for him, having a perpetually sad partner who's unstable and suicidal. Sometimes I fear he's only still with me in fear I'll do something if he leaves, but I also know it does genuinely hurt him deeply that I'm struggling this.

Accidentally, I somehow had emails turned on for this website and didn't realize - Fiancé nearly saw a notification when we were checking my email for some work related news. I managed to distract him and swipe it away, archiving it before he could register what the email said or see the title. I'm thankful he didn't see anything, because often times I'm grateful for the anonymity and freedom that this website gives us to discuss such taboo topics and thoughts. It's good to know I can freely express thoughts like these without worrying about being institutionalized. For you guys, I hope this website continues to be a safe space for your thoughts: We deserve something to ourselves in this shitty world.