What do you feel saddest about ?

[Painless_end]

What do you feel very sad about ?

I am not asking in relation to CTB, just what do you feel sad about the most in your life that you have no way of changing ?

For me, it's something I should have done that I was too cowardly / un-motivated to do.

I wish I could back and change it.

 

[Rayzieka]

Mostly my condition. When I look back on what I could've done differently I wouldn't have certain things I'm glad I have now.
So I'm not too sad about my mistakes. However my condition will continue to ruin current moments.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Wasted my best years and my brain has gone downhill from there, so no fullfilment in anything.

 

[summers]

Wasted my best years...

This, and having to play catch up when you are at a disadvantage.

 

[GreenTree]

Being a good father. Pains me so much.

 

[Bigpink]

That my life is nothing

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Lack of talent and inability to put effort into things

 

[LittleBlackCat]

The fact I'm alone.

 

[LionsTigersAndBears]

The beatings my mother gave my little brother sometimes I thought she had killed him, watching him becoming a drug addict and throwing his life away, and all children that were sexually abused, tortured both mentally and physically in a children's home I grow up in.

 

[mlha]

That there not many potential suitable partners out there and that I've become unsuitable myself.

 

[vinie]

I have ruined so many things in my life due to my depression. I wish I was a stronger person.

 

[little helpers]

most likely I'm not gonna see my cat grow up, for one. and the lives we've lost to the Drug War. really fucking sad. posts like that every once in a while on r/opiates. they don't even get to say goodbyes. always someone else mourning them. or on the Bluelighters' shrine. it's heartbreaking.

I have ruined so many things in my life due to my depression. I wish I was a stronger person.

put anyone else in your/my/our situation, and they ain't gonna be any stronger. trust me. whether or not you think you've been coping well, the fact that you been alive for so long means you've coped with life, involuntarily or voluntarily.

 

[oohiniyorafaad]

that I feel isolated from my family, like they do not care. That petiness and hurting others seems to reign supreme. I don't know if it is because I am more exposed to death, dying, and illness but I don't think my family sees the value of coming together rather than drifting apart willingly. Basically I just know I want to die soon, and I know the way I leave my family is not how I would want to leave this Earth but if there is no love bringing us together than life for me will lose so much of its opportunity and importance. Basically I want to come together and heal, but I am the mentally ill scapegoat in the family everyone thinks is crazy. It's as if no one sees the value of life, and if this is how life is lived I do not want to live it. So I mourn myself, my past self, my future self, and my family everyday basically until my plan to ctb is accomplished

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

 

[StarryStarry]

That I'm still breathing.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Being alive with my heartbreaks and failures

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Surprisingly I'm not that sad about my own sorry state, more angry at it than anything else.

One of the main things that consistently fills me with sadness is modern society's seeming inability to completely get along on literally any issue. I tend to hate seeing people disagree which probably stems from being traumatized from my own parents yelling at each other all the time. I would rather that evil wins overall than have good and evil be wrapped in their eternal conflict. I just hate seeing conflict and disagreement most of the time especially since I usually don't have a side to back and even if I do, I end up hating the way the people I side with go about arguing their point. I just wish it would all stop.

The worst part is that there's literally nothing that can be done because so long as humans have free will, there will always be a lack of total consensus on any point. Even the so-called noble sides always end up reducing themselves to their enemies' level by insulting the other side no matter what the issue is so there's usually no chance for any compromise either.

 

[Crazy4u]

unlikeable, not treated as a human, having a broken family, unloveable and can't get my emotional needs

sorry can't give you 1thing only. too many things make me sad

 

[oohiniyorafaad]

that I feel isolated from my family, like they do not care. That petiness and hurting others seems to reign supreme. I don't know if it is because I am more exposed to death, dying, and illness but I don't think my family sees the value of coming together rather than drifting apart willingly. Basically I just know I want to die soon, and I know the way I leave my family is not how I would want to leave this Earth but if there is no love bringing us together than life for me will lose so much of its opportunity and importance. Basically I want to come together and heal, but I am the mentally ill scapegoat in the family everyone thinks is crazy. It's as if no one sees the value of life, and if this is how life is lived I do not want to live it. So I mourn myself, my past self, my future self, and my family everyday basically until my plan to ctb is accomplished

also diagnosed with a seizure disorder 2 years ago which I am sure was brought upon by mental stress, depression, and trauma

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it sad that I was forced to exist in the first place and I have to live this empty, pointless existence. Everything brings me pain. I know the op said not in relation to ctb, but it hurts me so much that I do not have a reliable way to exit this world. More than anything I wish it was easier to leave. If I was gone I would not have to put up with this horrible life.

 

[little helpers]

Surprisingly I'm not that sad about my own sorry state, more angry at it than anything else.

One of the main things that consistently fills me with sadness is modern society's seeming inability to completely get along on literally any issue. I tend to hate seeing people disagree which probably stems from being traumatized from my own parents yelling at each other all the time. I would rather that evil wins overall than have good and evil be wrapped in their eternal conflict. I just hate seeing conflict and disagreement most of the time especially since I usually don't have a side to back and even if I do, I end up hating the way the people I side with go about arguing their point. I just wish it would all stop.

The worst part is that there's literally nothing that can be done because so long as humans have free will, there will always be a lack of total consensus on any point. Even the so-called noble sides always end up reducing themselves to their enemies' level by insulting the other side no matter what the issue is so there's usually no chance for any compromise either.

I feel you. I had practically no de-escalation skills other than agreeing and permitting and enduring and justifying anything that happens, even though I hardly remember any bit of the trauma(s) before adulthood. someone else keep that memory, but still, automatic fawn responses. boundary was not a thing. that human instinct is against our, complex trauma survivors', survival instincts. practicing it is doable but truly tiring.

 

[Circles]

As of right now: Having a dysfunctional family. How every time I entertain the idea of recovery I really and truly reflect on my life and what I can do to change it and then realize how hopeless, hard and insurmountable it all is to the point where I give up before I even try. I've been trying to listen to motivational speakers and life coach hogwash nonsense and it's like fuck man I'm truly too far gone to fix my life.

 

[needed_]

I can't get my depression under control and I can't get my eating disorder under control. days like Christmas are a nightmare for me with all the food it makes me want to ctb right away

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Sad that I wasted what could have been a beautiful life

 

[Rrrr]

My whole world falling apart around me, all down to me and my addiction for 10 years that I never managed to stop.

 

[l8tony]

Mine is a pathetic but lmy loneliness. So many sleepless nights of just crying and being dissapointed in waking up..

 

[Green Destiny]

How terrible the world is in general. And that I've wasted years of my life at a dead end job that's also ruining my body with a messed up back and hands.

 

[rottenteeth]

The brain disorders I have without my consent that I did not deserve. No one deserves this shit. Or anything messed up.

 

[Gurtinukkk]

lack of motivation to do anything. even getting out of bed is hard.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

What do you feel very sad about ?

I am not asking in relation to CTB, just what do you feel sad about the most in your life that you have no way of changing ?

For me, it's something I should have done that I was too cowardly / un-motivated to do.

I wish I could back and change it.

That my happy life came to an end, but I didn't actually die.