
monetpompo
૮ • ﻌ - ა
- Apr 21, 2025
- 427
nights are hard. eventually i fall asleep but the time in between me going to bed and me laying there trying to sleep makes me really anxious, so i go and pick up my phone to avoid my thoughts. it's hard for me to not stay up, because it's not like i have anything to do in the morning anyway. i just hate being alone and i hate that i spend the majority of my time alone, even if there's people that i can text on my phone. it's not like i can see them whenever i want. i can hardly see my friends at all.
i feel melodramatic and like i don't deserve the time i spend around other people because i just seem to want to use it as a distraction from my own thoughts. since i don't have a driver's license (my sister is getting one before i do, we're both in our twenties and we rely on our mom to make the money) i can't just go somewhere when i want company. i don't have the privilege to leave my own house. i've never been able to find a sleeping trick or anything. some nights i feel really self destructive and think about sending nudes of myself to people because i think it'll make them like me more and make them hang out with me. it probably won't. i'm not sure how to make the spiraling or the loneliness any better. i feel like no one in my life is ever able to relate to me anymore. maybe this is just pointless wallowing and i'm meant to get over it.
i feel melodramatic and like i don't deserve the time i spend around other people because i just seem to want to use it as a distraction from my own thoughts. since i don't have a driver's license (my sister is getting one before i do, we're both in our twenties and we rely on our mom to make the money) i can't just go somewhere when i want company. i don't have the privilege to leave my own house. i've never been able to find a sleeping trick or anything. some nights i feel really self destructive and think about sending nudes of myself to people because i think it'll make them like me more and make them hang out with me. it probably won't. i'm not sure how to make the spiraling or the loneliness any better. i feel like no one in my life is ever able to relate to me anymore. maybe this is just pointless wallowing and i'm meant to get over it.