Venting what do you do on hard nights?

[eggsausagerice]

nights are hard. eventually i fall asleep but the time in between me going to bed and me laying there trying to sleep makes me really anxious, so i go and pick up my phone to avoid my thoughts. it's hard for me to not stay up, because it's not like i have anything to do in the morning anyway. i just hate being alone and i hate that i spend the majority of my time alone, even if there's people that i can text on my phone. it's not like i can see them whenever i want. i can hardly see my friends at all.

i feel melodramatic and like i don't deserve the time i spend around other people because i just seem to want to use it as a distraction from my own thoughts. since i don't have a driver's license (my sister is getting one before i do, we're both in our twenties and we rely on our mom to make the money) i can't just go somewhere when i want company. i don't have the privilege to leave my own house. i've never been able to find a sleeping trick or anything. some nights i feel really self destructive and think about sending nudes of myself to people because i think it'll make them like me more and make them hang out with me. it probably won't. i'm not sure how to make the spiraling or the loneliness any better. i feel like no one in my life is ever able to relate to me anymore. maybe this is just pointless wallowing and i'm meant to get over it.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Mr. Snrub]

Try rolling around. Put your body in stupid positions that you could never fall asleep in. Put away your phone because it's not helping. Pick up your phone again because you forgot already that it's not helping.

Those are my sleep hacks!

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

i'm not sure where you live and how safe this would be but i used to just walk around outside and listen to the bugs chirping and look at the stars. it sounds pretty stupid but if you put on some nice music it can be a good way to relax and try to forget about everything else in your life. just try to truly be present in that moment and forget everything else if you can. i know it sounds stupid but it has helped me several times throughout my life..

as for getting sleep just putting on a video that's just interesting enough to keep your attention but just boring enough to put you to sleep can help. it's a popular tip though so if you've tried it already and it hasn't worked for you i apologize.

 

[Dejected 55]

All day and all night are always difficult for me. Different times of day are difficult in different ways. Being in the house alone is difficult in a different way than it is to hate being out in public near other people. Everything is horrible, basically... just not the same kind of horrible.

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

I daydream about something that comforts me. Can be a memory, characters from a fandom I like (fanfiction), etc. Like, a scene or something. I don't advise memory because while it helps, it made me depressed about nostalgia, I'm only now not doing it as much anymore because it just makes things worse. But yes, it helps alot to imagine a scenario. I fall asleep almost instantly and never even finish the scenario lol

 

[ElTopo]

Might seem weird but I have very long conversation, sometimes I imagine it's with God, or maybe just a superior being of some kind, anyway I talk about my situation a lot, and ask for the reason of things. Never really got an answer but it keeps me distracted.

 

[Alias Pluto]

Try not to worry about falling asleep. Even just being horizontal is giving the body rest

 

[Abyss Dweller]

I try to meditate myself to sleep if I have a hard time falling asleep. Focus on breathing.
Thinking about driver's license? Back to breathing. Thinking about sending random nudes? Back to breathing. Thinking about breathing? Back to breathing. :)

 

[westerly_merlin]

I hit audio books, even though I am in my 50s it is still nice to go to sleep with someone reading a story. It speaks to the child in me.

 

[eggsausagerice]

continuation of this thread,
tried to attempt hanging and failed (lol). rope hurts and scrapes my neck. i can't get myself to just stand still for partial or move off the stool completely for full. i used to think it would be easy to hang because i still had that movie bias about how you if you want to do it enough, then you'll die. wanting to do it and being fine with the pain is pretty different. i've prepped for my suicide attempt a lot of times over these past 3 months and i fail and fail and fail because i give up. i can't bear with the pain long enough.

being alone is very hard. i hate being alone. i hate crying and hitting myself and feeling bad about myself because i don't know how to not be alone and not feel alone when i'm around other people because i don't want them to leave me. i wish that hanging wasn't hard, because i think what pushes me to keep wanting to ctb is how alone i feel all of the time. i know that i'm still going to die later but i don't know how to relax and not think that everyone hates me while i'm still alive. being alive in between attempts really sucks because it feels like i gave up on giving up itself. i can't seem to follow through with living or dying. i just keep hoping that one day i'll phase through my body and have my soul fly away while my corpse keeps chugging along without anyone inside.

nights are hard because i feel extreme inexplicable dread and i don't know anything that can soothe it because i fixate so hard on my dread that i want to vomit. the only thing that'll actually make me feel better is just not thinking about anything or thinking about anything else. i wish that there was somewhere that i would go. no one really wants me around them these days. staying at home for so long and having no where else to go just makes me spiral because i feel unwanted to everyone. the only way to keep the peace with my parents to stay quiet and not respond to anything they say. it keeps the illusion that they actually care about me when they don't care when i show any signs of depression. i'm still very aware that they hate me when they aren't yelling at me.

i want to fade away and disappear. i wish i was like everyone else. the loneliness is eating me alive and i keep on checking my phone because i want people to remember that i exist. but i also just want to throw my phone away because i don't want to have to care about whether someone texts me oe not ever again. i don't want to keep burdening everyone by being so clingy. being clingy makes me feel so disgusting. i hate the idea that peopke are only sticking with me because they're worried about what i do when i isolate myself. i'm always on my phone. i'm just always on it, always around, and i want people to hang out with me really badly. hooking up was an easy way to get out my head because i could just have a random guy see me, chat me up, and then i would go home and sleep. i can't do that anymore because it makes my self esteem worse, but a part of me still wants it because at least those random guys paid attention to me when my friends didn't.

i just want to be around someone sometimes. i don't want to just text people on my phone anymore. i feel like the only way i can talk to people anymore is on the internet because spending time with me is too burdensome. i'm worried that i'm just a tiring, boring, unlikable person. if i was more confident in myself, people would like me more, but i can't be confident becausw i don't like myself. it's hard to feel like i'm desirable to anybody.

 

[Abyss Dweller]

continuation of this thread,
tried to attempt hanging and failed (lol). rope hurts and scrapes my neck. i can't get myself to just stand still for partial or move off the stool completely for full. i used to think it would be easy to hang because i still had that movie bias about how you if you want to do it enough, then you'll die. wanting to do it and being fine with the pain is pretty different. i've prepped for my suicide attempt a lot of times over these past 3 months and i fail and fail and fail because i give up. i can't bear with the pain long enough.

being alone is very hard. i hate being alone. i hate crying and hitting myself and feeling bad about myself because i don't know how to not be alone and not feel alone when i'm around other people because i don't want them to leave me. i wish that hanging wasn't hard, because i think what pushes me to keep wanting to ctb is how alone i feel all of the time. i know that i'm still going to die later but i don't know how to relax and not think that everyone hates me while i'm still alive. being alive in between attempts really sucks because it feels like i gave up on giving up itself. i can't seem to follow through with living or dying. i just keep hoping that one day i'll phase through my body and have my soul fly away while my corpse keeps chugging along without anyone inside.

nights are hard because i feel extreme inexplicable dread and i don't know anything that can soothe it because i fixate so hard on my dread that i want to vomit. the only thing that'll actually make me feel better is just not thinking about anything or thinking about anything else. i wish that there was somewhere that i would go. no one really wants me around them these days. staying at home for so long and having no where else to go just makes me spiral because i feel unwanted to everyone. the only way to keep the peace with my parents to stay quiet and not respond to anything they say. it keeps the illusion that they actually care about me when they don't care when i show any signs of depression. i'm still very aware that they hate me when they aren't yelling at me.

i want to fade away and disappear. i wish i was like everyone else. the loneliness is eating me alive and i keep on checking my phone because i want people to remember that i exist. but i also just want to throw my phone away because i don't want to have to care about whether someone texts me oe not ever again. i don't want to keep burdening everyone by being so clingy. being clingy makes me feel so disgusting. i hate the idea that peopke are only sticking with me because they're worried about what i do when i isolate myself. i'm always on my phone. i'm just always on it, always around, and i want people to hang out with me really badly. hooking up was an easy way to get out my head because i could just have a random guy see me, chat me up, and then i would go home and sleep. i can't do that anymore because it makes my self esteem worse, but a part of me still wants it because at least those random guys paid attention to me when my friends didn't.

i just want to be around someone sometimes. i don't want to just text people on my phone anymore. i feel like the only way i can talk to people anymore is on the internet because spending time with me is too burdensome. i'm worried that i'm just a tiring, boring, unlikable person. if i was more confident in myself, people would like me more, but i can't be confident becausw i don't like myself. it's hard to feel like i'm desirable to anybody.

You feel lonely and want to be loved. There's nothing wrong with that.
What I want to empathize is: you are a loveable person. It is possible that you don't feel loved and it's perfectly valid to feel sad, very sad about it.
But it doesn't mean that noone can love you. It just doesn't mean that.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Vorty30]

Oh my! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)