lilb0wpeep
Will I ever escape from this nightmare?
- Mar 9, 2026
- 10
I'm not entirely sure that is the right way to ask this question but simply put it's what I'm asking.
When you're not working and when you're not actively getting ready to go to work(or school ,etc.), what do you do? How do you choose? And how do get yourself to actually start + stick to doing what you're doing?
I feel like when I'm not working the only thing I can get myself to do is eat(even when I really shouldn't and don't want to) and watch tv/youtube/etc. Both of which I want to cut back on and don't find myself actively engaging with/paying attention to in any sense. Sure I could/should shower or could do a hobby but everything feels like 'it's wrong'. And or it takes up to much effort/energy/discomfort/time that I could spend doing the 'right' thing, and so on and so on. I know that's basically just making excuses and yet I still find myself unable to take action 90% of the time. And when I do I only achieve the first step of moving towards the idea/thing and don't actually do the thing. Typically I end up thinking about doing the thing or rehashing problems/scenarios and just kind of there motionless and stuck in my head. Or I'll do things but half assed and then just go back to thinking, rotting, eating, or most likely all of the above. And that's only when I have actually give in and choose an option. Otherwise, or the second I'm 'done' an activity, it's a continuous search of trying to solve my problems/this problem, just as I'm doing right now.
I try to practice meditation, to be more self aware and present in the moment, and what not. But I don't think I'm getting it. It's like I live my life only to work, and when I'm not I'm stuck on autopilot "eatbinge, sleep rot, shit" mode and while I want to escape I'm just trapped and can't do anything but that and search for way to escape(finding no answers). Fr I have no mouth and I must scream.
When you're not working and when you're not actively getting ready to go to work(or school ,etc.), what do you do? How do you choose? And how do get yourself to actually start + stick to doing what you're doing?
I feel like when I'm not working the only thing I can get myself to do is eat(even when I really shouldn't and don't want to) and watch tv/youtube/etc. Both of which I want to cut back on and don't find myself actively engaging with/paying attention to in any sense. Sure I could/should shower or could do a hobby but everything feels like 'it's wrong'. And or it takes up to much effort/energy/discomfort/time that I could spend doing the 'right' thing, and so on and so on. I know that's basically just making excuses and yet I still find myself unable to take action 90% of the time. And when I do I only achieve the first step of moving towards the idea/thing and don't actually do the thing. Typically I end up thinking about doing the thing or rehashing problems/scenarios and just kind of there motionless and stuck in my head. Or I'll do things but half assed and then just go back to thinking, rotting, eating, or most likely all of the above. And that's only when I have actually give in and choose an option. Otherwise, or the second I'm 'done' an activity, it's a continuous search of trying to solve my problems/this problem, just as I'm doing right now.
I try to practice meditation, to be more self aware and present in the moment, and what not. But I don't think I'm getting it. It's like I live my life only to work, and when I'm not I'm stuck on autopilot "
