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KuriGohan&Kamehameha

KuriGohan&Kamehameha

想死不能 - 想活不能
Nov 23, 2020
1,460
I wanted to get married and finish my Neuroscience degree. In the past before I got chronic pain, I had dreams of being a researcher. Got accepted into an Ivy League school and didn't go because I'm too ill to handle the pressures. I still think about it everyday. What could have been. Now I am struggling to keep up in university because there really is no help for disabled people. The only dream I have is CTB peacefully now.
 
Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
Oct 18, 2020
1,051
I also think about what could've been. First and foremost I wanted to finish my degree. But chronic pain, chronic malaise, digestive issues and a sleep disorder ruined that. I can't concentrate for long periods, struggle with fatigue constantly. I wanted to have children. I wanted to travel more. I don't necessarily want to die, I just want to escape the pain. Now all I can think about is ending it all.
 
KuriGohan&Kamehameha

KuriGohan&Kamehameha

想死不能 - 想活不能
Nov 23, 2020
1,460
I also think about what could've been. First and foremost I wanted to finish my degree. But chronic pain, chronic malaise, digestive issues and a sleep disorder ruined that. I can't concentrate for long periods, struggle with fatigue constantly. I wanted to have children. I wanted to travel more. I don't necessarily want to die, I just want to escape the pain. Now all I can think about is ending it all.
I am so sorry Pookie, our situations appear almost identical. I have chronic fatigue, pain, and digestive issues as well. Seems these illnesses go hand in hand. It is so hard to just have one, let alone multiple. I know exactly how you feel. If relief existed, I wouldn't choose death.
 
succor

succor

tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down
Oct 28, 2020
104
Before I got sick I wanted to pursue illustration and making comic books. I wanted to get married. I wanted to travel more and go to my mom's home country. I loved working in theme park hospitality and going on adventures with my friends.

Now I'm homebound, most recently essentially bedbound, I haven't been able to work for over a year now after barely scraping by in the workforce due to my illnesses, I can't travel, I can't concentrate, drawing makes mymuscles spasm and causes migraines, I can't stay awake for longer than 3-4 hours at a time before having to nap, etc. I can't eat right, I can't sleep right, I'm in constant pain, my parents and partner are having to financially support me, and I can't get married because I'm fighting with the government over social security benefits and if I'm married I'm disqualified.The medication I'm on is further tearing my body apart and changing the way I look, so I'm getting uglier as time passes. I'm losing everything.

I'm tired of swimming upstream surrounded by the echoes of all of the dreams I once had.
 
Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
Oct 18, 2020
1,051
So sorry. What illness do you have if I may ask?
 
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Mer

Mer

Insert Witty Comment Here
Dec 2, 2020
66
I wanted to make my own webtoon/comic.

But my depression kicked into high gear when my chronic pain from my TMJ disorder came, and I just never physically or mentally recovered enough from it. I can't even draw anymore without being in pain, and I'm constantly tired. I'm also financially dependent on my parents as a 30 year old, and I am unable to get a typical job. I'm such a burden to everyone around me.
 

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