What did you miss out on?

[Un-]

One of those nights where.. I'm floored by my negative feelings. I'm glad my SN is coming.. Nights like these are when I'd kill myself.

I missed out on touching someone I love. I've never done that before. Haven't even lain eyes on someone that has loved me in return.

I've missed out on genuine friendships.. Only have had online friendships. They're fine but at some point.. You realise it's not quite the same..

I missed out on happiness. I don't know what it is. I don't think I've ever felt it. Maybe I have and years of pain have made me forget.. But I don't know what it'd be like. I've never woken up with a smile.. I've never woken up glad to be alive.

Nor have I ever felt like I was... Needed. I've never felt.. Like I have no right to leave. For the longest time, I know that no one is compelling me to stay. I'm northing. I'm nothing, and I may as well not have been alive, because everything I've also done amounted to nothing. Imagine that..
Years of existence, and not even God will acknowledge you.

Long ass fucking post..

 

[WorthlessTrash]

On being born and living the life of a female start to finish thus getting to look in the mirror and not being grossed out by my body.

 

[tyasma]

Not being the punching bag of the male social hierarchy. Wish I grew up with a father figure.

 

[Venus13]

Your words give me chills. I'm truly sorry. It's scary and sad what this life can hand us.

For me, it's any sense of personal safety. That has evaded me my entire existence. I grew up in a cold, tortured home and then started a harsh, tortured adulthood. Missed out on any sense of strong, loving support. Always fighting to survive, always being strong for myself and others, so tiring.

 

[GreyCTB]

I missed out on dating my crush when I was in highschool

I missed out on staying in college and being happy

I missed out on not screwing my best friend over and losing the friendship

 

[LaVieEnRose]

How much time you got?

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I miss one person. I miss myself

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly missed out on dying at a younger age. I hate the fact how I've managed to exist for this long, it would have prevented so much unnecessary suffering if I somehow left this world when I was younger. But of course dying voluntarily is not straightforward, but that doesn't take away the fact that it's painful how I'm still here.
Whenever I hear of someone much younger than me leaving this world, I feel so much envy. At least to me the more years prevented in this cruel nightmarish world the better. Continuing to exist really is the worst thing as there are an unlimited amount of ways in which we can be tortured. It makes sense to wish to be gone, it's all that I've ever really wished for and I've never wanted anything to do with existing at all.

 

[Unending]

I suppose that I missed out on a life that wasn't just one long meditation on trauma and misery.

 

[chocolatebar]

Name something, I missed it.

But the worst of it all

I missed being my own person, having a voice, being recognized as someone, having the ability to seek my own desires and dreams, being free as a human...

...and everything that comes from it.

Everything...

 

[autistocracy]

I missed out on having a normal, functional family. Growing up financially secure, and not stressing about money since the age of 6. Being neurotypical and able to function like a normal person. Being born straight, and not an effete homo. Being naturally skinny and not have to starve, purge, or over-exercise to have the body I have now.

 

[Disappointered]

All the things missed out on due to not having decent role models. Proper encouragement and true unconditional love. A connection to any human groups of any sort. Real friends who weren't just using a golem during their down cycle. Also, having a set of balls and being able to lead myself through stormy weather on my own. Maybe that's a darwinian test and I failed...so I ought to die asap.

 

[Prescott241]

Yeah, I feel the same way. I've never felt that anything in my life had any sort of significance, simply due to a lack of other people to share it with. I've long ago come to the conclusion that this world wasn't made for me, and I wasn't made for this world. If there were people that cared about me or loved me as a person, then that would have been made known to me long ago. If I was needed, then I would have been made known of that long ago. I wouldn't be suicidal if I felt like I needed this world either, but I don't. I don't need anything here, and the world needs nothing from me. I believe that life for me only really begins after I CTB, as I have strong religious convictions of an afterlife, reincarnation, and being able to choose my own destiny for future incarnations.

 

[Darkover]

i wouldn't of fallen into a deep depression and taken for face value that we are nothing forever
lost of loved missed out on but its fate no real friends that kind of shit

 

[ShanaRei]

Lack of proper instruction for how to function in this world, lack of emotional support and understanding, lack of freedom of mobility to travel, lack of a nurturing family. lack of a long term caring relationship in either a friend or partner. Lack of a decent college education. Lack of money.

 

[Un-]

Yeah, I feel the same way. I've never felt that anything in my life had any sort of significance, simply due to a lack of other people to share it with. I've long ago come to the conclusion that this world wasn't made for me, and I wasn't made for this world. If there were people that cared about me or loved me as a person, then that would have been made known to me long ago. If I was needed, then I would have been made known of that long ago. I wouldn't be suicidal if I felt like I needed this world either, but I don't. I don't need anything here, and the world needs nothing from me. I believe that life for me only really begins after I CTB, as I have strong religious convictions of an afterlife, reincarnation, and being able to choose my own destiny for future incarnations.

You sound like me.. I guess I'm not alone.. It's a rare suffering I think. To not be needed and to not need anything. I could walk out the front door of my house and it wouldn't make much of a difference to anyone. I'm dead. How can a dead person be happy? Only if his body is buried.. So that's what I'm gonna do..

 

[SadVegan]

Lack of proper instruction for how to function in this world, lack of emotional support and understanding, lack of freedom of mobility to travel, lack of a nurturing family. lack of a long term caring relationship in either a friend or partner. Lack of a decent college education. Lack of money.

Double that

 

[S like Siren]

Name something, I missed it.

But the worst of it all

I missed being my own person, having a voice, being recognized as someone, having the ability to seek my own desires and dreams, being free as a human...

...and everything that comes from it.

Everything...

I could have wrote this

Lack of proper instruction for how to function in this world, lack of emotional support and understanding, lack of freedom of mobility to travel, lack of a nurturing family. lack of a long term caring relationship in either a friend or partner. Lack of a decent college education. Lack of money.

And this:(

 

[mateodolores]

One of those nights where.. I'm floored by my negative feelings. I'm glad my SN is coming.. Nights like these are when I'd kill myself.

I missed out on touching someone I love. I've never done that before. Haven't even lain eyes on someone that has loved me in return.

I've missed out on genuine friendships.. Only have had online friendships. They're fine but at some point.. You realise it's not quite the same..

I missed out on happiness. I don't know what it is. I don't think I've ever felt it. Maybe I have and years of pain have made me forget.. But I don't know what it'd be like. I've never woken up with a smile.. I've never woken up glad to be alive.

Nor have I ever felt like I was... Needed. I've never felt.. Like I have no right to leave. For the longest time, I know that no one is compelling me to stay. I'm northing. I'm nothing, and I may as well not have been alive, because everything I've also done amounted to nothing. Imagine that..
Years of existence, and not even God will acknowledge you.

Long ass fucking post..

Your words echo my reality.

 

[Wannagonow]

I missed having someone tell me I would amount to something. Hearing that may have given me an ounce of self confidence and self esteem to face the world. I've missed out on experiencing and appreciating more happy times than sad (thank you bipolar etc.. ). After enough years you just try to not look back at what you missed ( more than necessary and no- I'm not an optimist).

 

[sourpink]

safety, support, security, stability, protection, .. acceptance, respect, understanding or attempts to understand, … a chance at better health, treatment, early intervention, healthcare, .. time I wasted in denial but wish I hadn't but couldn't admit to at the time, .. opportunities, really.
missed opportunity is one that haunts me.
but, more light-heartedly, ctb'ing when H was still H, when I meant to ctb, and before everything got so much worse than it was back then. so it goes.

 

[Zegers]

- Health, good health and well-being
- Romantic love
- A good family
- I've had friendships but they have been a bit scarce for me, i would have liked to have friends with whom to have some cool adventures

 

[Nightbird]

Name something, I missed it.

But the worst of it all

I missed being my own person, having a voice, being recognized as someone, having the ability to seek my own desires and dreams, being free as a human...

...and everything that comes from it.

Everything...

This. chocolatebar

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

Feeling safe

 

[freevoid]

Good mental and physical health.

 

[Why Me?]

Lack of proper instruction for how to function in this world, lack of emotional support and understanding, lack of freedom of mobility to travel, lack of a nurturing family. lack of a long term caring relationship in either a friend or partner. Lack of a decent college education. Lack of money.

Yup, me too...

 

[je.suis.prêt]

Not being the punching bag of the male social hierarchy. Wish I grew up with a father figure.

In the back of my mind I have felt the same thing. I don't miss/want a father, but I feel like it has affected how confident I come across to others. Not really sure how to word it.

Would you mind elaborating? I've never really been able to explore these thoughts. And it would be helpful to discuss them with another, because I've never found someone else with the same issue.

I'm assuming you are a male too? I'm m23.

I feel that other people can easily pick up on the lack of esteem in another, and most people have this deep-seated desire to make themselves feel superior to another, so will talk down to, talk about negatively behind your back with others. Or even just see you as beneath them, and it often shows in their behaviour otherwise.

I was never consistently bullied, but it was more a sporadic thing by different people.

 

[lachrymost]

I missed out on a lot. The adolescence I so looked forward to as a kid, with casual touch and friendship and sexuality. Having people in authority fulfil their obligation to look out for me, instead of setting me up to fail. An educational environment I thrived and succeeded in. Being at peace and comfortable with who I am. Feeling safe. Getting to experience and enjoy what most take for granted without facing horrific consequences most don't have to endure.

 

[spixs_macaw]

Feeling loved and cared in a stable relationship. I never had one real relationship; it would always end before it started.

I am suffering from an eating disorder for over 20 years now. I always wished to recover from it but I am simply not able to.

 

[Reallysad]

Watching my 3 kids grow up and being a family.instead sitting alone with nobody