Day after my mother's funeral. She has stage 4 lung cancer and had a brain tumor. The fact she made it 5 years is surprising enough, so I doubt we have much time left. I know she's unhappy and I think she fears death. The last time we spoke she just cried into the phone for several minutes. It breaks my heart to know she cries more than she smiles. Can't bring myself to do it when she's still around.
I hope it's in the winter so I can pass out in the snow on 20mg of klonopin and feel the warmth of my flame burning out. Hypothermia seems beautiful to me. If it's summer I guess the backup is heavy klonopin, zofran, and plenty of SN, but I look upon the former method with comfort and the latter with fear. These days I doubt I'm making it to 2025. I hope my partner will forgive me.