What causes you the most unbearable pain that you want to cbt right this moment?

[Ineedtodie]

For me being stigmatized and harassed by people around me. Practically bulied. As an adult, its so humiliating.
It causes me an intense spliting shame that I hate my guts for not killing my self right this moment.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

Physical pain is the worst to me especially when it's extreme long lasting unending pain.

And they won't give us the readily available and safe and time proven and inexpensive anti-pain medicines they have because of their bullshit "war on drugs" - and then they express shock and outrage when they see us in a place like this!

 

[NeverEndingPain]

Not being able to be a mom for my kids

 

[beingfree]

That I am the sole reason for my suffering, despite having had the potential to live the life of my dreams.

Depression and suicide runs in my family from my mother's side, so I suppose that somehow the feelings of self-hatred and subtle acts of self-sabotage were instilled in me through some form of generational trauma. As there is no way to escape from yourself, I no longer hope for a better life.

So I've come to terms with what's what and just plan for a painless exit.

 

[IDontLikeMyself]

The fact that all my peers are finishing school while I am left hanging because i stop functioning like a human being. I get mental breakdowns over the dumbest things and it ruins relationships. The only thing I ever enjoyed has been taken away from me at age 14 already and it still hasen´t been solved. I am stuck while the world moves forward so I need to break that chain.

 

[another@]

Beingfree and idontlikemyself i relate to you guys both...

 

[Unending]

For me being stigmatized and harassed by people around me. Practically bulied. As an adult, its so humiliating.
It causes me an intense spliting shame that I hate my guts for not killing my self right this moment.

I relate to this! It seems that the overwhelming majority of my distress and pain revolves around other people. It is often shame, guilt, hatred, heartbreak, panic, and fear that pop up for me very quickly when I am around others. I should mention that often there is no real need for these emotions due to the fact that my brain just decides that it wants to be extremely over-reactive most times. Nonetheless, I'd like to say that despite being told, "Oh, you're isolating! that's gonna make it worse!" over and over again throughout life, I have a new found confidence as of recent times in which I can stick to my guns on the stance that the loneliness of isolation, for me, is nowhere near as painful as constantly feeling ruled by these intense emotions anytime I go out in public.

 

[Wannagonow]

Disability stigma, hands down.

Absolutely agree! Talked to primary doc about this last week. Couldn't convince her MH stigma is as terrible as it is. BP and major depression suck. (As do all other MH challenges).

 

[ARW3N]

Existence and everything that follows from it which encompasses everything everyone has said in the post and the comments.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Seeing cis women with their feminity, beauty and sexuality flaunted.

 

[Ineedtodie]

It's awful dealing with harassment. I used to deal with that sort of torment with my family, eventually 'solving' the problem with total isolation. My decline continued.

For me, it's a combination of anxiety in the body - it feels like a car engine that's idling ridiculously high - and a lack of any tangible reason to continue battling to swim across this ocean of futility.

Very much the same reason for me. Alot of pain in my mind and body that I feel it's futile to continue as you metaphorically felt. I feel like nothing keeping me sain. That I lost all.

I feel very lonely, tired of this pain. Tired of my mental health conditions. The perpetual hopelessness in life. Every time I try to connect with someone, I always somehow end up hurting them, and find myself in the same spot of unbearable loneliness. I don't like myself either. But everyone else can run away from me, except me, I have to stay with my own body. I just wish to go to sleep and never have to wake up again.

That's I feel the same. People treat like a bad omen. But I alone can stay in this body. And it's too much.

I relate to this! It seems that the overwhelming majority of my distress and pain revolves around other people. It is often shame, guilt, hatred, heartbreak, panic, and fear that pop up for me very quickly when I am around others. I should mention that often there is no real need for these emotions due to the fact that my brain just decides that it wants to be extremely over-reactive most times. Nonetheless, I'd like to say that despite being told, "Oh, you're isolating! that's gonna make it worse!" over and over again throughout life, I have a new found confidence as of recent times in which I can stick to my guns on the stance that the loneliness of isolation, for me, is nowhere near as painful as constantly feeling ruled by these intense emotions anytime I go out in public.

Isolation is not the only cause I would say. There is unbearable pain that if we show, people show resentment toward. Lonliness is painful as well as having experiences outside. The same lingering over the top pain that i can't bear.

 

[Sadgirldaisy]

Being a failure at everything, having nothing I'm good at and no interests, having nothing going for me. Being a shallow, vapid, boring shell of a human being. Being a screw up. Being so close to not being a screw up just to come crashing back down to reality. The embarrassment and shame of my colossal failure at life. I was so close.

 

[molassesmorasses]

For me, it's being reminded that no matter how hard I try I am not in control of my eating disorder, my psychosis, and my emotional regulation. I will always be in a tailspin, and I will lose everything for my inability to fix myself—the love of my life, my free time, any trust I've earned with my family, my attendance at college. I don't want to lose any of that, so might as well take it away myself before my illness does, yeah?

Oh, and also being reminded of the fact that the damage done to my girlfriend from her eating disorder will most likely never be undone and my brain will never be able to accept the fact that she is a different person now. So much lost, and yet here I am struggling with My lifelong disorder that I value fixing less than hers. What's wrong with me? It'd all slide into place if I could fix myself, but I can't. Hell.

 

[patanjali]

Extreme feeling of boredom and lack of interest in my future prospects.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Contemplating the future.

The present and past what torment. Whatever hold this future for me. As for my future only a miracle will save me and sooth my worries.

 

[Darkover]

there's no future here just a one time trip through hell of course it would of been better to of never experienced life in the first place then have a one time trip in hell

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Being hopeless and broken

 

[jessisme]

'My future.

 

[Aesthetic guy]

health problem, horrible future, and most importantly, not being man enough.

 

[vultureilse]

mostly the loneliness. i spent my entire life self isolating, i dont have a single friend, im literally incapable of forming human relationships and i hate myself for being this way

past trauma as well, i started realizing that my family was abusive very recently and its hard to come to terms with it. i really feel like my life is wasted, ill never be a functional person because of my mental issues and i hate that i have to deal with this for the rest of my life until the day i finally have enough courage to end it

 

[damaged_soul]

Everything

 

[LifeCanBeCruel]

For me, it's worsening physical pain and the depression and anxiety that goes along with it. I had only known what mild depression felt like until last year. I didn't understand why people would want to die. I thought all who committed suicide did so in a moment of madness, and if only they had sought out help they would've been saved. I naively held the belief that medical and psychiatric science could alleviate all forms of suffering. I was wrong.

 

[lionetta12]

For me being stigmatized and harassed by people around me. Practically bulied. As an adult, its so humiliating.
It causes me an intense spliting shame that I hate my guts for not killing my self right this moment.

Heartbreak and guilt.

 

[donealready]

Right now it's rejection by those I dared to show my vulnerabilities to.

 

[Sister of the Moon]

Heartbreak, betrayal, trauma and fear of the future.

 

[myownpetvirus]

The fact that all my peers are finishing school while I am left hanging because i stop functioning like a human being. I get mental breakdowns over the dumbest things and it ruins relationships. The only thing I ever enjoyed has been taken away from me at age 14 already and it still hasen´t been solved. I am stuck while the world moves forward so I need to break that chain.

Can you spill on what that thing is?

 

[Personality Zero]

Being a pathetic excuse of a human being. Letting negativity and social anxiety destroy my life. I'm just a hollow shell, paralysed by fear and in-action, and riddled with anxiety. I just can't cope with life at all even though I've gone through no significant trauma at all. I can't accept the reality of what I've become

 

[Reallysad]

Loneliness knowing my 3 kids are away and my ex gf will never come bk or forgive me over a stupid argument and knowing my kids will end up with some other guy In the future.In constant mental pain and wishing I could just go easily as I don't think this will ever get sorted.I feel the pain of other people on this forum

 

[IDontLikeMyself]

Can you spill on what that thing is?

I used to do competitive swimming but got an injury so had to quit. The injury is still present even now and limits me from swimming how i want to still. It even just limits me in general life most of the time. I am 21 now and I fucking hate that I could have made it big maybe in something I loved and that made my head feel empty and clear.

 

[broken-soul]

Main reasons for me are my addiction to prescription meds and the stigma that comes with being an addict.
Constant pain from knackered knees, I've got screws and plates in there to stop them dislocating although my left knee has started popping out again.
Feeling like a failure of a mum for being like I am then giving in so much that now my youngest teen takes full advantage of that and treats me so bad, I endure daily abuse from her and she thinks it's ok to push me about and throw things at me.

You just get the the point where you just can't take anymore. I literally sat up last night just staring into space for hours.

There's more but these are what pains me the most.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

Main reasons for me are my addiction to prescription meds and the stigma that comes with being an addict.
Constant pain from knackered knees, I've got screws and plates in there to stop them dislocating although my left knee has started popping out again.
Feeling like a failure of a mum for being like I am then giving in so much that now my youngest teen takes full advantage of that and treats me so bad, I endure daily abuse from her and she thinks it's ok to push me about and throw things at me.

You just get the the point where you just can't take anymore. I literally sat up last night just staring into space for hours.

There's more but these are what pains me the most.

God that is so terrible.