Discussion What caused you to first seriously consider suicide as an option?

[monstercatering]

First it was shame and failure. I was still in middle school but I got my first depressive episode and stopped doing assignments and the teachers had to talk to me saying they would call my parents for failing class. I didn't know how to CTB at that time but I really wanted to. Since then things got better, then worse, then better, then worse, then better, and worse. I've been in the same cycle so I'm finally accepting that it is how it is.

Now I don't really care about the shame as an adult I feel like it's up to me what I care about. But I still have a disconnection from what I want from life, and what reality is. Reality is that life sucks, and people have to find their own meaning. But I don't care enough to do that and I'm too weak. I got too caught up in idealized stories and imagining my life as a movie, once things fall apart I think it's better to swallow my pride and end it now then live a shameful life.

 

[LastLoveSong]

Realised I didnt have a purpose and didnt want one

 

[ezziiooo678]

ive "attempted" many times before but it was really only to hurt myself, i did have serious thoughts of wanting to die but i had always been afraid to truly go through with it so i purposely only partially attempted and just accepted whatever came next(that being hospitalizations) but ever since i joined this site i know im seriously considering suicide as an option now

 

[lv-nii]

My father died, my brother is a bastard. I don't get along with my family in general, most of my life is wasted playing video games and rotting in my room. My psychologist doesn't know what to do with me, she just tells me: Promise me you won't kill yourself.

I don't even know what I feel anymore, I just want to stop suffering.