SpiritualDeath

SpiritualDeath

I return to the raiding shadows of death.
Sep 9, 2023
211
Mainly because I'm a pro-mortalist. I just don't see life the way most people do. I don't believe in anything spiritual. To me life is nothing more than a body that traps you with its needs and a curse called sentience (aka the ability to suffer). "Meanings of life" are nothing but illusions, which are in people's head only because humans are intelligent enough to create such an abstract but still meaningless concept. Absurd as it is, we're just desire machines and systems doing entropy reducing shitty chores, which continue only for the sake of continuing. Any suffering is unnecessary and could be prevented in the first place. In existence suffering is always created, continued instead of reduced, thus death is certainly preferred.
 
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Kōenji

Kōenji

New Member
Sep 17, 2023
4
Being a piece of shit, using people to fulfill desires, lying compulsively to get what I want out of them, switching up and treating like an complete asshole before not talking to them anymore or just leaving without any given reason. I was doing this shit without any active self consciousness, no feeling that what I was doing was wrong. I fucked up, I was fucked up. I miss my girlfriend, im a mess. I don't think I want to be here any longer, especially after being a fucking sociopath.
 
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A

anxious_depressive

I'm in despair
Dec 21, 2021
225
I'm a loser and very stupid...
 
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d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

d3j3ct3dl0s3r05

i am so lainpilled :3 (? days left)
Apr 15, 2023
247
Being likely neurodivergent (diagnosed with other things though) and not having support rn+ Life falling apart around me. I feel like I'm predestined to fail honestly, all of my past predictions have come true so far and before you say anything, I don't necessarily think it's a "law of attraction" deal considering I tried my hardest to stay on top of academics, leadership and extracurricular activities only for my dreams to be destroyed by fate. To summarise, I don't foresee a bright future for myself and I think it would be best to CTB before things get more out of control
 
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Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Tokugawa_Yoshinobu

Arcanist
Sep 10, 2023
424
Poverty and being abused. I was made fun of so many times in the past, beaten up, sexually assulted. I feel ashamed and hate myself as for personal failures as well.
I view ctb as a way to regain control over my fate that I lost long ago and to not having to live with that shame any longer. Therefore I think my demise should done by my own hands.
 
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Serial Experi Pain

Serial Experi Pain

I hate me more :P
Sep 12, 2023
126
My brain is incapable of allowing me to be happy for very long and constantly wants to end itself, I'm physically broken, and I can't afford to survive.
(that's the simple TL;DR version)
 
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G

GM28

Member
Jun 17, 2021
26
Poverty and stupidly losing love of life doing something small but stupid. Pain gets worse as the time goes on and get older. No point getting old frail, poor and alone.
 
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O

outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,547
My mental health is a nightmare it wont let me function it just continues to bring me down. I've not slept for 5 days and again my mind will say wake up at 4am and continue living with no sleep. I hate living like this and am going to play trip to a cliff again or go and hang myself. This is not a life its a joke. Now I will continue to get lower and lower and no psychiatrist wants to see me. They keep messing the appointments up why are they so unbelievably rubbish at their job. How hard is it to make an appointment. You are not climbing Mount everest. Anyway there is no hope for me and I hope to leave my hell soon.
Yeah, I'm getting insomnia now also, but from lower abdominal pains that doctors don't know the cause
 
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M

martinso67

All human rights are important
Feb 5, 2021
230
Same, I also want to die young as well. I want to ctb before 25
For me it is before 30. But I dont know how to do it. I Lowkey hoped they would legalize Euthanasia in my country. I remember when I was young, the therapist said if you want that go to Netherlands. But they do not offer that. They reject terminally ill people who will die soon in a painful way. Imagine me.

F***. Life is already a jail and shit like that. Why do I not have right over my own body. Abortion is allowed in the so called democracies of the west. Why can I not access a life ending medication.
 
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Unsure and Useless

Unsure and Useless

Drifting Aimlessly without Roots
Feb 7, 2023
252
There's just not much to look forward to, honestly.

At this point, life is all about working and being exploited for the benefit of some rich fools who do nothing yet earn more money than all of us can even fathom until you become too old to do that.

How could anyone consider a life like that a life worth living? You're hardly human at that point.
 
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sserafim

sserafim

brighter than the sun, that’s just me
Sep 13, 2023
9,013
There's just not much to look forward to, honestly.

At this point, life is all about working and being exploited for the benefit of some rich fools who do nothing yet earn more money than all of us can even fathom until you become too old to do that.

How could anyone consider a life like that a life worth living? You're hardly human at that point.
Ikr! Idk why other people don't understand this. I feel like only we see life for what it truly is: wage slavery and being a slave to capitalism. I would rather die than have to work to live. I hate the fact that we have to work just to survive. It seems dystopian that it costs money just to exist on this planet. I didn't even choose to be here! I never even wanted to exist in the first place. I hate the face that our society's set up like this
 
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C

conarc

Experienced
Aug 8, 2023
244
Ikr! Idk why other people don't understand this. I feel like only we see life for what it truly is: wage slavery and being a slave to capitalism. I would rather die than have to work to live. I hate the fact that we have to work just to survive. It seems dystopian that it costs money just to exist on this planet. I didn't even choose to be here! I never even wanted to exist in the first place. I hate the face that our society's set up like this
So true, so true...
 
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sserafim

sserafim

brighter than the sun, that’s just me
Sep 13, 2023
9,013
I think, planning your self-elimination based on the formal biological age just makes no sense. I felt myself fully young until I became 36-37 years old when my skin changed so my look noticeably differs from what people under 30 have. Even though I'm nearly 40 now, I still feel myself young mentally.

Rational conditions for ctb should be rather based on the estimated ratio between pleasure and suffering that you expect to have in the future, and the biological age has a very small impact on this ratio, until you get like 45+ when you may face with your first age-related health issues.
It's more of the fact that I don't want to participate in society, and after 25 people expect you to be fully integrated and have a job and everything. I don't want to have to have a job, career or be a wage slave to our capitalistic society. I don't want to properly enter adulthood or be an adult, if that makes sense. That's why I chose 25, it's one of the last few years of "freedom" where you're allowed failure/ to fail and a bit of leeway before you actually have to become an adult and enter the (working) world. After 25 people basically expect you to have your life figured out.

I like the idea of dying young to escape the matrix we live in, this exploitative system that relies on the exploitation of other people's (the workers') labor. By dying before 25, I will never have to be a part of this system
Being a piece of shit, using people to fulfill desires, lying compulsively to get what I want out of them, switching up and treating like an complete asshole before not talking to them anymore or just leaving without any given reason. I was doing this shit without any active self consciousness, no feeling that what I was doing was wrong. I fucked up, I was fucked up. I miss my girlfriend, im a mess. I don't think I want to be here any longer, especially after being a fucking sociopath.
Doesn't everyone do this though? People are naturally and inherently selfish so I understand…this may have been based on my past experience of being betrayed, used and bullied by others, but I think people just exploit and use others for their own desires, means and purposes. It's human nature. People only care about what they can get out of other people…
Being likely neurodivergent (diagnosed with other things though) and not having support rn+ Life falling apart around me. I feel like I'm predestined to fail honestly, all of my past predictions have come true so far and before you say anything, I don't necessarily think it's a "law of attraction" deal considering I tried my hardest to stay on top of academics, leadership and extracurricular activities only for my dreams to be destroyed by fate. To summarise, I don't foresee a bright future for myself and I think it would be best to CTB before things get more out of control
Same, I feel like I was predestined to fail as well. Life throws obstacles in my way and I don't know why. By the way, what do you mean by your predictions? Did you get premonitions in your dreams? It's cool that you're able to predict your future and it actually ends up happening. I wish I was given this gift of precognition/clairvoyance.

My plans never go according to plan, fate just has to mess with them in some way. Every time I try to succeed I just fail again. I don't know why life is like this, and why it's just so hard. I don't see a (bright) future for myself either so I'd like to ctb before things get worse…honestly I never even saw a future for myself anyways. I never wanted to live past 18, I never saw myself even living this long tbh.
My reasons are similar to yours. I have no life skills, no friends, no job and no real life outside of my family. I am autistic and have intense social anxiety so getting a job, making friends and creating a worthwhile life for myself all feel like impossible dreams. When I think about all the therapy, work and change I would have to do to make even the smallest improvement to my life I get overwhelmed and want to give up before I become even more of a failure. I also have csa trauma that I can't get past and everyday I feel like tearing my skin off. I think in summary I am just too tired of trying. When I think of the future all I see is things getting worse; climate change, poverty, human rights issues. I don't want to be around for that. I also don't want to watch the people I love grow older and I especially don't want to lose anyone else. I think I have had enough of life, and I don't think I belong in this world. I'm sick of being trapped in this situation of feeling useless and having to play a game that I don't know the rules for and I never wanted to play in the first place. I just want to not be here anymore and I've felt that way for a long time.
Same, I get you, especially about having to play a game with rules you didn't even know about in the first place. This describes my experience entirely! Story of my life. I feel like everyone else was given a guide to life and its unspoken rules, and I wasn't. It's hard living when you never had the rulebook to the game. I also never even wanted to play the game of life in the first place. I think it's cruel that we were forced to be here without our consent. Life is really difficult for people like us, it's basically a game on hard mode. Sometimes I wonder if I would want to keep living if I were a neurotypical person, but honestly I would rather be a cat
 
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Dying Knight

Dying Knight

Specialist
Sep 17, 2023
329
It's more of the fact that I don't want to participate in society, and after 25 people expect you to be fully integrated and have a job and everything.

That depends on the people surrounding you. Sometimes children live with their parents up to 40 or even more without getting any constant job. So in case if you don't suffer from a strong pressure in your address and if you find enough funny things in the life, you may postpone your exit until your situation becomes bad enough.
 
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B

Bluebunnysky

Member
Jan 15, 2023
69
I've made way to many mistakes in my life that left me with both physical and psychological damage. The negative thoughts start the second I'm awake and continue all day until bed. Its torture. It's been consistently this way for over 2 years and I don't have much lifeforce left to let it continue further
 
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sserafim

sserafim

brighter than the sun, that’s just me
Sep 13, 2023
9,013
That depends on the people surrounding you. Sometimes children live with their parents up to 40 or even more without getting any constant job. So in case if you don't suffer from a strong pressure in your address and if you find enough funny things in the life, you may postpone your exit until your situation becomes bad enough.
Unfortunately I can't postpone my exit, in fact I need to expedite it. My parents are already thinking about kicking me out, and my dad comes back next month so I want to check out before then. They want to cast me out onto the streets and force me to be on my own. They basically think I'm a parasite for still living at home. My mom has a fantasy of changing the locks and not allowing me to stay here/at home anymore. She thinks I'm just taking up her space, and wants to reclaim it.

She thinks my "transition period" is over….it's already been more than one year (ever since after college). She wants me to leave and become homeless with nowhere to go. I will ctb before this happens. Honestly I don't see much point in living past 25 (now 23) anyways. The golden days are over and there's nothing to look forward to in adulthood. I'm sorry to say, but adulthood is just about working and being a wage slave to capitalism until you die. I don't dream of labor or having to make my own living. I wish I hadn't been born as a human being and instead were a cat or something….I wish I could just slowly fade away out of existence

I literally give up on the game of life. I want to quit playing. I never even wanted to play it in the first place. And I will, by VSED
 
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Agon321

Agon321

I use google translate
Aug 21, 2023
1,499
I don't see much point in continuing to live. My inner nihilism tells me that it all makes no sense anyway. I don't want to study all my life, work all my life and face every day because I will die at the end. Why bother unnecessarily when you can stop it faster. I'm young, but I already feel somehow overwhelmed by this world and all the shit that surrounds it. I've had some issues throughout my life that have most likely shaped my thinking, but they pale in comparison to those of other members on this forum. Objectively, I haven't had a very bad life.
 
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sserafim

sserafim

brighter than the sun, that’s just me
Sep 13, 2023
9,013
I don't see much point in continuing to live. My inner nihilism tells me that it all makes no sense anyway. I don't want to study all my life, work all my life and face every day because I will die at the end. Why bother unnecessarily when you can stop it faster. I'm young, but I already feel somehow overwhelmed by this world and all the shit that surrounds it. I've had some issues throughout my life that have most likely shaped my thinking, but they pale in comparison to those of other members on this forum. Objectively, I haven't had a very bad life.
Same, I also feel overwhelmed at the thought of adulthood and having to find my place in the world. I'm overwhelmed at the thought of even having to exist in society and find a job and career. I never even wanted to do these things. I also don't see any point in working away your life if you're going to die at the end anyways. I know right, why not go sooner rather than later? Nothing even matters in the end

Also I don't know what you would even be working for, you would just be a slave to capitalism. I like the idea of ctb because it allows me to escape the system
 
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Dying Knight

Dying Knight

Specialist
Sep 17, 2023
329
Unfortunately I can't postpone my exit, in fact I need to expedite it. My parents are already thinking about kicking me out, and my dad comes back next month so I want to check out before then. They want to cast me out onto the streets and force me to be on my own. They basically think I'm a parasite for still living at home. My mom has a fantasy of changing the locks and not allowing me to stay here/at home anymore. She thinks I'm just taking up her space, and wants to reclaim it.

I understand your rationale now, and it kinda differs from the idea of dying just because you reached the appropriate age for this. It is about your life circumstances, the inability to exist in comfortable conditions.
 
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Minsu

Minsu

♀️🏳️‍🌈
Jan 17, 2023
545
I've made some very bad decisions in my life that are irreversible. And I have a horrible insomnia so I don't have energy throughout the day..
And in addition I've felt so much pressure from family, school and work.. for me unbearable kinda
 
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Agon321

Agon321

I use google translate
Aug 21, 2023
1,499
To samo, czuję się przytłoczony myślą o dorosłości i konieczności znalezienia swojego miejsca na świecie. Jestem przytłoczony myślą, że muszę nawet istnieć w społeczeństwie i znaleźć pracę i karierę. Nigdy nawet nie chciałem robić tych rzeczy. Nie widzę też sensu w oddawaniu życia, jeśli i tak umrzesz na końcu. Wiem dobrze, dlaczego nie pójść wcześniej niż później? W końcu nic się nie liczy

Nie wiem też, nad czym byś pracował, byłbyś po prostu niewolnikiem kapitalizmu. Podoba mi się pomysł ctb, ponieważ pozwala mi uciec z systemu
Exactly :). I don't see myself in this murderous rat race. Of course, I understand that such a system had to be created for humanity to develop, but if I were to be completely honest, I don't care about it. I feel like a foreign body that doesn't fit into the puzzle. I also don't blame anyone because I have no basis for it. I want to live, but not necessarily here. Best regards and I hope you find peace.
 
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Boudika

Boudika

Trauma? Oh you mean reason why I'm hilarious
Aug 22, 2023
155
1. I'm ugly. Like, extremly ugly. I hate seeing my face in the mirror. Ugly that even plastic surgeons can't do anything
2. I have fucked up life bc of it. I'm so done with people staring at me, my mental health is in terrible state after years of bullying and having abusive parents
3. I don't have strenght to fight. I'm just really tired.
4. I know no one ever will love me. And I don't deserve love
5. Despite the fact that I have a plan for the future, I don't believe that I will be able to realize it. I am too stupid and weak. I won't be able to realize my dreams and everyone who has always doubted me will be right
6. My current situation is also terrible. I live with abusive, toxic parents, I'm exhausted and can't pull myself together. I'm just an ugly loser who is worthless. A shadow of the childhood genius I once was
 
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sserafim

sserafim

brighter than the sun, that’s just me
Sep 13, 2023
9,013
I've made some very bad decisions in my life that are irreversible. And I have a horrible insomnia so I don't have energy throughout the day..
And in addition I've felt so much pressure from family, school and work.. for me unbearable kinda
Same, I also feel pressure from my family. I can't live up to their expectations…
 
A

Alisalyx

Member
Jul 2, 2023
25
Why do you want to ctb? My main reason is being a failure and disappointment, and not having a career, job or income. I wish I could be successful, I see everyone around me advancing in life and I feel more like a failure who hasn't made something out of themself. I'm basically a shut-in at this point, and I've failed to launch successfully into adulthood.

Another reason is me just not fitting into society. I'm neurodivergent (ADHD as well as other things) and I'll never belong or find my place in society. Therefore I want to ctb to escape it. I don't want to have to participate in society. I also don't want to have to work for a living for the rest of my life, I would rather die. I hate the idea of being a slave to capitalism, forced to work for 40 years before I eventually die. I don't think this kind of existence is meaningful or fulfilling.
Why do you want to ctb? My main reason is being a failure and disappointment, and not having a career, job or income. I wish I could be successful, I see everyone around me advancing in life and I feel more like a failure who hasn't made something out of themself. I'm basically a shut-in at this point, and I've failed to launch successfully into adulthood.

Another reason is me just not fitting into society. I'm neurodivergent (ADHD as well as other things) and I'll never belong or find my place in society. Therefore I want to ctb to escape it. I don't want to have to participate in society. I also don't want to have to work for a living for the rest of my life, I would rather die. I hate the idea of being a slave to capitalism, forced to work for 40 years before I eventually die. I don't think this kind of existence is meaningful or fulfilling.
I want to ctb because I loose everyone, I'm a deadweight to everybody, I'm unca
My reason is more, why I should not CTB?

Btw I make a little list,about why I want to CTB: (not complete)
- parents hate me for being trans
- having always trouble with others (usually, it's not that I have that much now, but I had really too much in my life)
- hate my body, hate myself
- I not want a job again (i hate it, the experiences I had are enough)
- I want to stop causing trouble
- It's really hard to find something satisfying me (just videogames and I everyone IRL want to avoid me playing)
- can't be independent (I mean, I tried to live alone and make everything ppl need when they live alone - I tried to CTB cuz this, cuz it's not something I ever wanted for myself)
- too much friends quit with me cuz, yeah I think too much about CTB (lot of others cuz someone was talking shit about me)
- i have fear of everything
- I'm going totally out of money and a day my parents would just trow me out from their home
- I have no purpose here
- I want ethernal sleep
And no, I'm not bullshitting you, i'm telling the pure truth, what I really think. I always thought that about you. You are one of the most incredible people if not the most incredible person I met. I'm not exaggerating. Even if you have your difects.
 
Fir3CannotSpeak

Fir3CannotSpeak

BurnMeWithFire
May 8, 2023
12
I just want it to be over. The heavy burden of life, the impending doom that is the future. There is no place in this world for me. I don't know why but ever since I can remember I've always felt like a curse, like I'm inferior to every other human being on this earth, like I'm completely undeserving of any love whatsoever. I can never get anything right no matter how hard I try and all I do is disappoint everyone. I feel like an empty shell of a human being, just surviving because I have to, because it was brought upon me by the people who decided to bring me into the world. The very same people that continued to make me feel like I wasn't supposed to be here in the first place. I know I should've died that day, I know because there's no other explanation as to why I'm so underdeveloped and why I'm so different from everyone else. Maybe I did die that day and I just forgot because that's what it feels like. Everything good in my life gets torn from my hands as if it never should've belonged to me, as if I stole it from someone else when all I'm trying to do is feel good about myself. Not only am I completely engulfed in everyone else's disappointment, but I'm also covered head to toe in sin. I'm trans and when my family finds out, they'll probably do the job for me. I spend every second of everyday in agony, wishing and praying for God to fix me but he never does, I beg for him to let the good things in my life stay but instead he punishes me by taking everything away in front of my very eyes. I am less than nothing and I am deserving of nothing.
 
P

pjreis

New Member
Sep 15, 2023
4
Why do you want to ctb? My main reason is being a failure and disappointment, and not having a career, job or income. I wish I could be successful, I see everyone around me advancing in life and I feel more like a failure who hasn't made something out of themself. I'm basically a shut-in at this point, and I've failed to launch successfully into adulthood.

Another reason is me just not fitting into society. I'm neurodivergent (ADHD as well as other things) and I'll never belong or find my place in society. Therefore I want to ctb to escape it. I don't want to have to participate in society. I also don't want to have to work for a living for the rest of my life, I would rather die. I hate the idea of being a slave to capitalism, forced to work for 40 years before I eventually die. I don't think this kind of existence is meaningful or fulfilling.
I want to ctb for a very simple reason: I was diagnosed with Parkinson. It's a slow way to die. So, while looking for this subject on the net, I found this forum. This is my first post. English is not my mother language, so excuse me for any mistake...
 
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J

jessisme

Specialist
Dec 3, 2022
383
For many reasons but mostly to escape my future were I will be homeless and suffer a fate worse than death. I have been unable to take care of/provide for myself most of my adult life due to mental illness. When my mother is no longer able to provide for me I will be literally out in the cold. I cannot allow that to happen and I have no other choice but ctb to prevent this from happening. If it weren't for this I would not want to ctb because I do love life but life hasn't loved me I guess, sorry to say.
I want to ctb for a very simple reason: I was diagnosed with Parkinson. It's a slow way to die. So, while looking for this subject on the net, I found this forum. This is my first post. English is not my mother language, so excuse me for any mistake...

Welcome!
 
kilowatt

kilowatt

Guns don't kill people I kill people
Sep 9, 2023
377
I don't make a difference and I never will. I just gave up trying to better myself. I'm drained.
 
B

brokeandbroken

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2023
1,042
Why do you want to ctb? My main reason is being a failure and disappointment, and not having a career, job or income. I wish I could be successful, I see everyone around me advancing in life and I feel more like a failure who hasn't made something out of themself. I'm basically a shut-in at this point, and I've failed to launch successfully into adulthood.

Another reason is me just not fitting into society. I'm neurodivergent (ADHD as well as other things) and I'll never belong or find my place in society. Therefore I want to ctb to escape it. I don't want to have to participate in society. I also don't want to have to work for a living for the rest of my life, I would rather die. I hate the idea of being a slave to capitalism, forced to work for 40 years before I eventually die. I don't think this kind of existence is meaningful or fulfilling.
Was in medical school *victim* of crime(s) in which it was stolen from me. Dream of being a doctor gone and enormous debt in its place... My family abandoned me.... I don't really have friends or strong relationships. I can't get even entry level jobs that are remotely okay. I'm homeless... In summary career was stolen from me with no job prospects or future of any kind, no friends, family ran for the hills, and yeah just general sorrow, agony, and misery. I was on my way to being successful and it was robbed from me. Living with that is ruining me... I spent my life trying to improve myself everyday. For 18 months I've felt myself get a little worse everyday.
 
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