What are your reasons?

[sserafim]

Why do you want to ctb? My main reason is being a failure and disappointment, and not having a career, job or income. I wish I could be successful, I see everyone around me advancing in life and I feel more like a failure who hasn't made something out of themself. I'm basically a shut-in at this point, and I've failed to launch successfully into adulthood.

Another reason is me just not fitting into society. I'm neurodivergent (ADHD as well as other things) and I'll never belong or find my place in society. Therefore I want to ctb to escape it. I don't want to have to participate in society. I also don't want to have to work for a living for the rest of my life, I would rather die. I hate the idea of being a slave to capitalism, forced to work for 40 years before I eventually die. I don't think this kind of existence is meaningful or fulfilling.

 

[Nefer]

I wanna die young not grow old, I get the strange feeling a younger death is better if there is a afterlife. If there isn't I still wish to go young and controlling how I go gives me strange grand euphoric feeling.

 

[The Burning Fool]

I want the mind waves to once again unite with the Metafractal, or my soul to return to God as they say, but that language carries a lot of baggage, so I find it better to use the purer nomenclature that I've invented.

 

[sserafim]

I wanna die young not grow old, I get the strange feeling a younger death is better if there is a afterlife. If there isn't I still wish to go young and controlling how I go gives me strange grand euphoric feeling.

Same, I also want to die young as well. I want to ctb before 25

 

[Nefer]

Same, I wish to go before 25 I'm aiming for the partner thread but if I can't I'll be ok without.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I've experienced enough BS in this life. It's exhausting at this point, and it never ends.

I feel like I know exactly what awaits most of us in this life, if you see it out to it's ultimate conclusion. I feel almost like I'm existing in an environment where everyone else around me is living this grand delusion and I'm one of the only people who can actually see reality with clear vision. Believing in this life, for me, would be like believing in a great big stupid lie... and I can't do that. I'd rather just get the inevitable over with and not continue this charade of an existence.

I also quite like the idea of dying young. It feels like a sort of great escape, where you skilfully dodge the horrible consequences of old age. I like the idea of that... I get a satisfying feeling when I think about it.

 

[Death is my goal]

i'm unlucky

 

[sserafim]

I've experienced enough BS in this life. It's exhausting at this point, and it never ends.

I feel like I know exactly what awaits most of us in this life, if you see it out to it's ultimate conclusion. I feel almost like I'm existing in an environment where everyone else around me is living this grand delusion and I'm one of the only people who can actually see reality with clear vision. Believing in this life, for me, would be like believing in a great big stupid lie... and I can't do that. I'd rather just get the inevitable over with and not continue this charade of an existence.

I also quite like the idea of dying young. It feels like a sort of great escape, where you skilfully dodge the horrible consequences of old age. I like the idea of that... I get a satisfying feeling when I think about it.

Same, I also like the thought of dying young to escape old age. I think that I'd be gaming the system by not having to get old or buy into the pyramid/Ponzi scheme that is capitalism and our capitalistic society.

I hate that people inevitably get old, wither away and decay, and the fact that it's out of our control. It's just the natural progression of time, unfortunately. I'm terrified at the thought of getting old. I never want this to happen to me, I want to die "young and beautiful"

 

[M.O.N]

bipolar is exhausting and difficult to manage. childhood trauma too severe and complex to heal from. trauma in adulthood too fresh to process. so much pain and suffering everywhere, it makes me feel sad and scared for everyone. injustice and the inherent suffering others will have to endure is too much for me to accept. feel like leaving before I become too bitter and difficult to handle is best for everyone.

 

[jussrav]

My mental health is a nightmare it wont let me function it just continues to bring me down. I've not slept for 5 days and again my mind will say wake up at 4am and continue living with no sleep. I hate living like this and am going to play trip to a cliff again or go and hang myself. This is not a life its a joke. Now I will continue to get lower and lower and no psychiatrist wants to see me. They keep messing the appointments up why are they so unbelievably rubbish at their job. How hard is it to make an appointment. You are not climbing Mount everest. Anyway there is no hope for me and I hope to leave my hell soon.

 

[ShadowDancer]

Tinnitus

 

[リンさん]

Sensory issues. Existing is difficult when so many little, normal things stress you out constantly. I am antisocial due to mental health stuff and have nobody in my life, so no one will be there to take care of me when I age, and I don't quite like the idea of a nursing home.

I still have plenty of time to do things I always wanted to do, go to places I wanted to visit, have experiences I wanted to have. I just don't need that much time, y'know?

Something else I've thought of is that I am terrified of the state our world is in. It's so everchanging and unbelievably shaky. Nothing is forever, your entire life can be turned upside down at the whim of some senile higher-ups. Never would I ever have imagined witnessing a war in my lifetime, yet here I am, suffering direct consequences from it. This reality is just too unstable for my taste.

 

[Misery99]

There are many reasons that I want to ctb. One of the main reasons is no matter how nice I try to be to other people, I just can't seem to get the same treatment from them. People don't take me serious. I also don't have a likeable/bubly personality according to them. Maybe that's why. But I try to be nice as much as I could. But people just don't like me. I have some crazy enemies who spread rumors too even if I did nothing wrong to them. So yeah shitty people around me in general makes me more suicidal. I also feel like they think that I'm weird/ eccentric. I don't have goals or ambitions for the future. My viewpoint is that we all die someday no matter at young or old age so why would people consider death as something bad? It's a natural part of life. Nobody is immortal. We all die someday. Young people die from accidents and cancers all the time. Suicide isn't any different.

 

[thebookofdisquiet.]

This existence after awakening isn't enough for me anymore, life now feels shallow and unsatisfactory regardless of what's being experienced, it's time to put an end to it for a new existence to arise.

 

[cscott]

This existence after awakening isn't enough for me anymore, life now feels shallow and unsatisfactory regardless of what's being experienced, it's time to put an end to it for a new existence to arise.

!!!!! Literally 99% of my brain has died & it feels like the last thing to do is take out the remaining 1% left projecting this shit body & movie screen !

 

[wanttosleep]

I am too tired to keep going. I have nothing left in the tank to keep going. For 31 years of trying not to be a failure, not to be a disappointment, to not be alone, to live comfortably, to have a purpose, to improve world or to have some meaningful impact but failing miserably and to watch as the everything in the world burn and people die and suffer due to greed has left me empty. I just want it to end.

 

[thebookofdisquiet.]

!!!!! Literally 99% of my brain has died & it feels like the last thing to do is take out the remaining 1% left projecting this shit body & movie screen !

Exactly!! Can I PLEASE leave this limited human mind and create something new??? I'm bored!

 

[アホペンギン]

At 8 years old, my father pulled me out of school along with my siblings and made me study very complex things for my age (imagine a 3rd grader being forced to study 8th grade material, not fun). Because of this, I'd make mistakes and so would my siblings but my father noticed that I was mentally stronger than them, meaning, less sensitive so he'd direct all of the mental and physical abuse towards me. It ruined me over the years, he told me constantly that I'm incompetent and that I wouldn't amount to anything. It has really affected me for the worse now. I have tried to fix it over the years but it didn't work at all, all of the trying and trying made me exhausted so I quit trying to do anything. Here I am now.

And recently, I have developed some physical problems as well (probably not as bad as others' problems but I can't handle things anymore because of my father's abuse) Back pain (it never goes away), visual fog, tinnitus, to name a few. I also have severe nausea that prevents me from eating anything but it got somewhat fixed with a medication but it used to bother me a lot before I took the medication, it was one of the reasons as to why I wanted to ctb in the past.

I think I even developed some mental illnesses as well, a mod says something I did seems like I had BPD (never got diagnosed with it but I can understand why I probably have it, I'm crazy) I have crippling anxiety and PTSD as well… I hate living like this.

 

[cscott]

Exactly!! Can I PLEASE leave this limited human mind and create something new???

MY GOD this is me everyday and has been for so long PLEASE!!

I genuinely don't even understand how I still am alive, like I don't function normal at all. It's crazy how sheer boredom can still rule u if the fear of death is still greater!!

I am genuinely dead from within already so so I don't even know HOW this is possible.. that I still awaken each day?

I feel it's like vanilla sky.. until he takes the greatest leap into his deepest fear his trapped in the dream!

 

[an_alias]

I feel like it and I've felt like it for ages
that's what matters

 

[ihatethisplanet]

A lifetime of depression, anxiety, OCD thoughts, a little BPD, losing the only person who was everything to me, spending my life alone (tiny family with aging parents, no real extended family and no siblings), friends who never have any time and keep you on the back burner, losing my dog only two years after adopting him, no one to travel anywhere with, I'm old (47), and despite what people say, truly have zero chance of ever finding someone again. Depression, Prozac, menopause and a physical problem causes me to have zero interest in sex.

So where do I go from here? I live in a decent house but will be forced into a small condo soon. I've begged God to let me die. Just take my years and give them to someone who's dying and wants to live.

There's a certain freedom now in being able to say I hope bees (my huge phobia) die and the sun burns out. When people tell me life on Earth would end, I just say good. No one has a response to that.

 

[thebookofdisquiet.]

MY GOD this is me everyday and has been for so long PLEASE!!

I genuinely don't even understand how I still am alive, like I don't function normal at all. It's crazy how sheer boredom can still rule u if the fear of death is still greater!!

I am genuinely dead from within already so so I don't even know HOW this is possible.. that I still awaken each day?

I feel it's like vanilla sky.. until he takes the greatest leap into his deepest fear his trapped in the dream!

It finally got to the point where thinking about dying is a lot less dreadful than thinking about having to do silly little human things every single day, stuck in the same and space, surrounded by the same circumstances (living in this planet surrounded by people and having to be part of society and work for money to eat 3x a day and-). I'm more than ready to quit.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Failed in life and therefore money issues that cannot be solved mid and long term.

 

[cscott]

It finally got to the point where thinking about dying is a lot less dreadful than thinking about having to do silly little human things every single day, stuck in the same and space, surrounded by the same circumstances (living in this planet surrounded by people and having to be part of society and work for money to eat 3x a day and-). I'm more than ready to quit.

I feel at this point I imagine taking a dive & dying in many ways and I can handle the thought. But I KNOW when finally coming to do the deed the SI will kick in for the sheer fact that I am so aware of self & it's like the battle from within. The si that brain/body would not want to go down without a fight .. for the simple fact that I'm aware I am trying to murder it.

It's me against me !! The light vs the dark

I want to QUIT NOW! I truly feel u in every fibre of my being that I have left

 

[Dying Knight]

Same, I also want to die young as well. I want to ctb before 25

I think, planning your self-elimination based on the formal biological age just makes no sense. I felt myself fully young until I became 36-37 years old when my skin changed so my look noticeably differs from what people under 30 have. Even though I'm nearly 40 now, I still feel myself young mentally.

Rational conditions for ctb should be rather based on the estimated ratio between pleasure and suffering that you expect to have in the future, and the biological age has a very small impact on this ratio, until you get like 45+ when you may face with your first age-related health issues.

 

[ayaneechan]

My reason is more, why I should not CTB?

Btw I make a little list,about why I want to CTB: (not complete)
- parents hate me for being trans
- having always trouble with others (usually, it's not that I have that much now, but I had really too much in my life)
- hate my body, hate myself
- I not want a job again (i hate it, the experiences I had are enough)
- I want to stop causing trouble
- It's really hard to find something satisfying me (just videogames and I everyone IRL want to avoid me playing)
- can't be independent (I mean, I tried to live alone and make everything ppl need when they live alone - I tried to CTB cuz this, cuz it's not something I ever wanted for myself)
- too much friends quit with me cuz, yeah I think too much about CTB (lot of others cuz someone was talking shit about me)
- i have fear of everything
- I'm going totally out of money and a day my parents would just trow me out from their home
- I have no purpose here
- I want ethernal sleep

 

[Alisalyx]

My reason is more, why I should not CTB?

Btw I make a little list,about why I want to CTB: (not complete)
- parents hate me for being trans
- having always trouble with others (usually, it's not that I have that much now, but I had really too much in my life)
- hate my body, hate myself
- I not want a job again (i hate it, the experiences I had are enough)
- I want to stop causing trouble
- It's really hard to find something satisfying me (just videogames and I everyone IRL want to avoid me playing)
- can't be independent (I mean, I tried to live alone and make everything ppl need when they live alone - I tried to CTB cuz this, cuz it's not something I ever wanted for myself)
- too much friends quit with me cuz, yeah I think too much about CTB (lot of others cuz someone was talking shit about me)
- i have fear of everything
- I'm going totally out of money and a day my parents would just trow me out from their home
- I have no purpose here
- I want ethernal sleep

You have much more purpose than you think, and your friends are shit for leaving you cause you talk about ctb, I don't talk about that with mine but they basically think I'm useless cause i'm always in silence cause I don't know what to do and I always think about it. I know you, and you are special, even if others don't see it, it would genuinely be a waste if you end your life
I really wish I could help you, but I can't say more than this here

 

[FuneralCry]

Because I prefer true peace over suffering in this harmful and repulsive existence. For me existence was never something worth enduring in the first place, and only death can bring peace and relief. I see it as preferable to sleep eternally under all circumstances, existing just doesn't interest me anyway.

 

[Winterreise]

I'm so tired. That's all. Don't want more.

 

[gorgongrl]

My reasons are similar to yours. I have no life skills, no friends, no job and no real life outside of my family. I am autistic and have intense social anxiety so getting a job, making friends and creating a worthwhile life for myself all feel like impossible dreams. When I think about all the therapy, work and change I would have to do to make even the smallest improvement to my life I get overwhelmed and want to give up before I become even more of a failure. I also have csa trauma that I can't get past and everyday I feel like tearing my skin off. I think in summary I am just too tired of trying. When I think of the future all I see is things getting worse; climate change, poverty, human rights issues. I don't want to be around for that. I also don't want to watch the people I love grow older and I especially don't want to lose anyone else. I think I have had enough of life, and I don't think I belong in this world. I'm sick of being trapped in this situation of feeling useless and having to play a game that I don't know the rules for and I never wanted to play in the first place. I just want to not be here anymore and I've felt that way for a long time.