What are your reasons for leaving?

[weedico]

Lost the love of my life

 

[NoLightRemains]

A lifetime of trauma/mental illness, mostly centered around an abusive father, gender dysphoria, and autism.
Lost multiple people to suicide.
Chronic migraines/fatigue for the last 2.5 years. For my headaches, I've had some improvement over time with medicine but my body is never going to be the same. My body and brain are just burnt out and used up after 30 years of struggling.

Just living off savings a bit longer till I build up the nerve to CTB.

 

[Svart616]

Had to deal with being abused phisically and mentally as a child by my super religious family; born with single-sided deafness which resulted with me having poor social skills since I couldn't communicate properly (people get tired of talking to someone who's always asking to repeat a sentence); I'm mentally ill (bipolar disorder, anxiety and depression); I fail at most of the things that I try to accomplish; I have no friends (the few ones I had left me when I was at my worst and struggling with basic things); I was abused sexually as an adult, and existence feels like constant torture.


I hope someday I can gather the strenght necessary to finally ctb.

 

[Kerrtu]

My reasons for leaving…

Well, had I gone with my instincts in grade 5, it would've saved many years of agony. But, I didn't know how to at that age, wasn't able to articulate the decision, only realized in death there can be no pain, and no person could hurt me ever again.

My reasons: I just want this hell ride over. It's been enough already. I'm not going to "recover" from the burns, the beatings, the rape, the abandonment, the absolute chaos of it all.

I believe I was a mistake to begin with.

Time to erase the mistake.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I just want to be loved, but I'm just getting hurt, so I'm leaving so I can't be hurt anymore.

It's very soul crushing to realize that there's no love in this world. To understand that the idea of love is more of a marketing tool than an actual deeply held belief and value. I'm cynical, but humans truly are the worst.

My reasons for leaving…

Well, had I gone with my instincts in grade 5, it would've saved many years of agony. But, I didn't know how to at that age, wasn't able to articulate the decision, only realized in death there can be no pain, and no person could hurt me ever again.

My reasons: I just want this hell ride over. It's been enough already. I'm not going to "recover" from the burns, the beatings, the rape, the abandonment, the absolute chaos of it all.

I believe I was a mistake to begin with.

Time to erase the mistake.

I'm so sorry you had to endure such an existence. I, too, attempted at a young age. I had a golden opportunity when I served in the military to jump off the side of a ship in the Bering Sea. I was spotted by the watch, though. I feel what you wrote so much. Enough is enough. At some point, humans are what they are and life just is what it is. Hoping and trying again only prolongs suffering.

I send hugs and love to you. What you wrote truly resonates with me.

 

[Kerrtu]

It's very soul crushing to realize that there's no love in this world. To understand that the idea of love is more of a marketing tool than an actual deeply held belief and value. I'm cynical, but humans truly are the worst.

I'm so sorry you had to endure such an existence. I, too, attempted at a young age. I had a golden opportunity when I served in the military to jump off the side of a ship in the Bering Sea. I was spotted by the watch, though. I feel what you wrote so much. Enough is enough. At some point, humans are what they are and life just is what it is. Hoping and trying again only prolongs suffering.

I send hugs and love to you. What you wrote truly resonates with me.

I send you hugs and love back.

Thank you for the hugs - it's been a long time since I've hugged anyone IRL, and I miss it.

I've been feeling this or thinking this a lot in the last couple of days, and you said it perfectly:

"At some point, humans are what they are and life just is what it is."

I sat with that feeling, those words. I sat in silence, alone in the apartment, allowing that truth to resonate. Finally accepting life for what it's been.

For what it's been to me anyway.

For what it is.

And to know, you are somewhere in this world, feeling similar if not same - it's such strange comfort. It's like hearing the reassuring voice of a friend from long ago.

May life be done with me, with you, in the sense of hurt and loss and loneliness. May life finally stop pounding down the proverbial door, enraged and ready to attack.

As the days go by, I find myself more and more ready to go. It's like leaving the ultimate abusive relationship - fear, then realization…some hint of courage, just enough. Knowing when I leave, I will finally be free.

That exhale when one has managed to escape.

I'm sorry for what terrors you have been through and hope peace finds you soon, however it may be.

 

[Orbital-Wave-System]

Just the usual stuff. Childhood abuse, autism, being trans in this world, being a weird and distanced mix of trauma responses in place of a genuine personality. Being completely detached and alienated from general society and all their meaninglessness? Missing large chunks of said childhood and even more recent memories? Living in a state of anxiety 24/7, spiking at the smallest things, being unable to handle certain memories or emotions until the emptyness takes over again? Pick one, it doesn't really matter which I guess...

 

[OceanBlue]

I'd risk my well-being if I felt I'm useful in any way for those who are in a worse situation (mostly nonhumans), but I was born with no life skills and fail at being effective with what I'm trying to accomplish. I feel like I was born in the wrong reality and can't succeed within its laws/rules, it's only traumatising.