I'm refferring to the Incels that are described as (mostly) men that have experienced intense loneliness, which includes, but not limited to.
- No friendships
- No friend/experience with women in general (including Not having a girlfriend in their entire life).
- Touch starvation or even being starved from empathy.
Basically Outcasts from society that have been ignored since the beginning of their lives (Or a big part of them)
Do you guys think its valid people like them are starting to feel like committing CBT?
(Again, I'm not refferring to the violent, mean, popular-idea of incels)
I guess maybe I was an incel back in the day, but it wasn't called that back then, basically I was just a quiet and shy boy who liked to assemble my own PC's from parts and liked to teach myself some basic coding online etc, learn things on my on my own time.
Basically I lost my virginity at age 20, I had zero confidence, I did not think I was attractive (I was told I was, but actually that didn't matter anyway, since with no confidence men don't tend to do well with women, and looks don't count for as much as you would think, a lot has to do with confidence).
Now if anyone's read any of my other posts, they would know I ended up with NPD (Narsissitic Personality Disorder) likely as a result of this being a trigger, and me going all in on getting laid with many differrent women and not focusing on the bigger picture, so that NPD that developed, likely gradually due to a mixture of being subjected to the abuse of my mother's NPD, along with how this goes with my experience with losing my virginity and onward from there, I have only recently realised that I messed up my entire chance at love after the denial of NPD fell down after some deep self-reflection, even though I got laid a lot with different women, that actually counts for very little as you start to get towards middle age, and that happens quickly, even if you do not realise it in your 20's.
My point is that I first got laid simply as a girl I worked with who was a bit easy (no problems with that, no judgement there) said after work when we were at the pub across the road after the shift in the bar I was working at, she looked at me and said "you're driving me home" and I was so clueless, I thought about it and remembered where she said she lived and thought to myself "yeah that's on the way same sort of direction" so I told her "sure", and one of the other barbacks at I worked with sitting next to me said "you lucky fuck, you're going to get laid", and my response was one of surprise (that's how sheltered and insecure and well, a victim of my mothers NPD, so long story short, I took her home after the pub after work and she basically led me and took my virginity.
Now important thing here is that, I suddenly felt confidence for the first time in my life, and what was that confidence from, sex, then I noticed something, her friend was into me, so I went there also, confidence grew, then I just went out of control by chatting up more and more women, until it just became second nature, my new hobby to feed my growing ego, after I had also googled PUA type stuff, and did not copy the routines, but learned after analysing it that the routines are not important, as also from what I can tell ion my own short sexually active experience that it is confidence that matters and attracts women, feeling comfortable in one's skin as a man (little did I realise at the time I had massive underlying scars from psychological and emotional abuse that my NPD mother subjected me to, so this was effectively the birth of my own NPD facade and charm developing, and I just copied only the part where in PUA they do cold approaches (sure it was to other colleagues at the large company I worked for by then, but then it just branched out to women in public shopping malls, etc, and the key was that I would smile, be confident ask them if they would like to go for a drink sometime, and if they said no, or even if they were rude, it didn't matter, I would just wish them a nice day and not feel I lost anything (in retrospect I wondered why this did not trigger my NPD Narcissistic rage, but I figured as I had it down as a set routine and I was prepared for a no answer or a yes answer and had a ready reply for both, and as no emotional bond had been established yet that above the inner fear of abandonment that is at the deep core of Narcissistic Rage (so only happens in a relationship after a certain time where feelings are stating to be developed and vulnerability in that way triggers the NPD rage from anxious/avoidant attachment to my mother due to her abuse of me), so that whole being told no thing, you have to take that cool, just have the mindset that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and nothing lost at the end of the day.
So that's it basically, just be confident and be ready to be rejected and get rejected with a smile and wishing her a good day.
Now, the irony is that I couldn't see the forest for the trees, and in hindsight when I met "the one" I really should have pulled my arrogance back in, opened a Word document and journaled all the aspects of my behaviour or habits that posed a risk to that relationship lasting, what to do with those habits or behaviours (scrap them, sort myself out and focus then on googling "how to make a long-term relationship work" would have been good, but alas, I did not do that, my life's biggest regret.
Instead I pushed her away due to NPD that I did not realise I had at the time, and then I was drinking loads too everyday all day at that time which was stupid as there was no sober time to check the shit I was sending her such as emails and messages.
Just downright recklessness and arrogance and NPD.
You will find that it isn't that hard once you just go up and learn to confidently ask a woman out for a drink or whatever with a smile, a bit of a cocky smile, but it's a smile of confidence, think that you are already amazing with women, fake it until you make it sort of thing.
The tough part as I found is that this is ultimately a shirt term ego boost thing (not at all good for someone with NPD as my ego barely fit through the door lol) and this has a downside, if you meet the right girl, a good one, a keeper, "the one" you will have your head so far up your own arse that you will mess it up, and then live to regret it, especially if you have NPD like I did (now I realise I have it, with NPD you basically don't have it anymore once aware you have it since it's all about a false sense of self/denial), but even for those without a pathological level of narcissism to make it NPD level, Narcissism is on a spectrum, so always keep your ego in check if you meet the woman you don't want to let get away, before she becomes the one you let get away.
That's my advice.
Oh yeah and it goes without saying that grooming and hygiene are critical, but not necessarily going over the top that makes it look like you tried too hard to impress, a relaxed confidence is what it is that attracts women.
The PUA style tricks in my mind are trying too hard, just relaxed confidence, eye contact but not too much that it is creepy, and smile and just ask her, you are in control of the frame to initiate conversation and take the "risk" to ask her (it really isn't a risk as you lose nothing and it is more painful not to ask if you see the opportunity to ask and want to ask), but also you respect whatever answer she gives.
Don't make the arrogant mistakes I did, letting the admiration of other guys saying "how do you do that man" or "that's awesome" get to your head and make your ego too big, it can cost you a chance at finding true love like it did for me. My life's biggest regret...... That and not buying Bitcoin when it was 30c in 2010 lol... but the Bitcoin is not even close of a regret to losing the chance at the woman of my dreams.
