SSRI's always cause me to go numb or zombie like. Zoloft was the worst in that regards and the brain zaps coming off that were terrible. The numb from Viibryd was kinda nice in a way, it reminded me how numb I felt when I was starving myself. However, I don't really want to live my life being numb because I'm still suicidal and depressed and it'll just trigger my eating disorder and that's annoying to deal with in its own right. The other classes of antidepressants don't do anything for me but give me crap side effects. I think Wellbutrin was the most effective at making my depression clear up a bit but it spiked up my anxiety/insomnia and triggered me into a huge anorexia relapse because of the lack of appetite (which the lack of appetite does go away with time but just seeing the weiight go down so quick was addicting).
For anxiety, benzos work for short periods of time but its very easy to become dependent/build tolerance to them so you'll need a higher and higher dose until you cant go up any longer because itll be too dangerous and they wont work any longer. the withdrawals from those are literal hell. Buspar did nothing for my anxiety. Some blood pressure pills do fine with anxiety. My body is dumb so antihistamine like atarax actually make me really jittery and anxious but i heard they work for others.
I did some genesight test and my body just metabolizes drugs weird, so I think that's why I have such shit luck with everything. Right now I am on gabapentin for anxiety and I think it helps, as I'm not as bad as I used to be. My Topamax is technically is for my migraines but i guess its also a mood stabilizer, when I've had to be off it because the pharmacy didn't have it in stock I did notice my mood kinda got a little bad, so I guess that also kinda helps my mood maybe a little.
