Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Bishop]

Damn I woke up.

 

[witchcraft]

Anger. Guilt. At so many things: my parents, my family, the world, my life.

If I think about it, I have had a bad relationship with my parents ever since I was a teen.

They'd use me as a messenger boy. As you can imagine, they eventually divorced. They each have their own individual problems. I get that I am not perfect either, far from it, but I think it is safe to say I resent them.

There are so many unresolved problems in my immediate family because of this. A lot of things happened when I was too young to process them. No, not physical abuse or SA or anything. Just lots and lots, and endless stream of small things.

My dad talks at you. Will talk over you without giving a shit. Will interrupt you. At any time. He is always right, or at least has a tone of voice and a manner of questioning that implies you must be a dumbass.

I am almost 30 and I am a loser according to society. I live with my mom. I am a NEET. She is useless. There, I said it. In any problems I ever had, she was useless unless it was a problem I had with my dad.

For the past month I have had to go over to my dad's to help him move. He makes his stress my stress. Asking me all these questions about what he should do, should he do this, should do that, when should he do it. Witchcraft, I need you to come over immediately. Why? Because he is paranoid it's going to hail and needs to move his truck so it doesn't get damaged. Or because he needs to sell something on marketplace.

Witchcraft, call me right now. Why? Because the place my truck is kept at raised the rates 5%. So tag along with me while I raise a big boomer stink in their office, all so I can take it 5 minutes down the road to another place that COSTS THE SAME, because everywhere has raised their price the same amount.

Witchcraft, I'm going to need you at my personal beck and call to help me move my life across the country because I am retiring. Let me yap at you and list the 1000 things we are going to have to do. Or maybe not do. And let me do this yapping not once, twice, or thrice, but a million god damn motherfucking times.

LET ME WASTE YOUR DAY AT THE DROP OF A HAT, JUST WHENEVER THE FUCK I WANT, AND ORDER YOU AROUND LIKE A FUCKING SERVANT.

Sorry for venting. I really do not want anyone else to feel the same stress that I feel. I am so sick of it, I wish I had never been born. No child should have to play therapist, mediator, counselor, advisor, and also listen to each of their parents bad mouth the other "but keep it between us, don't tell your mom/dad."

I want so badly to get a job just so I can move and never talk to any of my family again. We don't have the same interests. We have nothing in common except sharing some of the same flaws. That's how I fucking feel today. That's why I blew up at my mom 30 minutes ago.

That is all. Thanks for reading.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

bored. dread. pessimistic. envious. bitter. tired. numb?

 

[HowlerFlamingpaws]

Like a disappointment. I'm ace and my wife decided to passive-aggresively remind me last night that I'm not "meeting her needs". She knows I'm ace and thinks that I can therapy myself out of it

 

[Bowerbird]

...So im still alive somehow but still have everything ready in case i need an emergency exit...

im lazy and procrastinating ctb

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

I'm having "The Expression", that Guillaume le Million grin you know ?

Got my hands on some stuff that will make my ctb go smoother.

There's a smile but it ain't really true, just a weird mask, a fake of being happy taking one more step towards the bus stairs...

Gonna pop some of those pills i got to see how many i need to "dull" my nerves, gotta resist the urge to wash them do my gullet with some firewater to pass out and have a dreamless nap, a little blanket of nothingness for a bit doesn't sound to bad...

 

[scordatura]

Confused...

Today was meant to be a good day. Instead, it's resulted in confusion. I don't understand what happened today. I've got a few days off and I don't want to deal with it, it's just the gnawing emptiness, that has no distraction now. I'm disappointed, feel invisible, and the people I thought would be engaged and supportive, didn't appear to be. I'm feeling more and more isolated.

My anxiety peaks like fuck in the summer too, I'm really dreading it, and had a stressful encounter on the train yesterday. Some people are incredibly deceptive... and they'd bothered me in the past already before. It's making me really uneasy. I'm done not listening to my gut instinct on things like this anymore, the amount of situations I could have avoided had I listened to my brain telling me "get the fuck out, this isn't right". I'm listening now. I'm listening from now on.

Nothing I'm writing here is satisfying me, what would right now?

I'm tired, confused, and empty.

I feel completely unable to release what I need too right now... It's really frustrating

 

[Bishop]

Sigh. Woke up again this morning.

 

[somethingisntreal]

Disgusted with myself

 

[Manaaja]

Blessed hermaphrodite snails who never have sex wars and can breed by themselves or with anyone they like.

 

[Gabbi_Station]

Chronically nauseous and anxious.
Depleted. Empty. Like a failure.

Fearful that I will try to pick myself up and start over again instead of CBTing this time.

 

[3spiral]

dunno

 

[Bishop]

Annoyed at whining people

 

[Enyan]

I feel delusional. I keep hoping I wake up tomorrow and my health is back to normal and the nightmare is over and I can continue living my life the way I wanted it to.

 

[troubled_puppet]

sleepy. sleepy. sleepy. drained,, holding on

Spoiler: tl;dr whatever (no tw)

it was sunny today,
trying to ignore feeling abandoned again
doing my hobbies in small ways
writing a dark fanfic,
rent is paid,
feeling dread about next month,
i dont know

i keep waking up late and staying up all night

 

[acidbath881]

At this point I wish a necrophile would kill me and rape my corpse or an incel would shoot me and feel better about eliminating one less foid in the world. I'm in a relationship I don't enjoy but can't bring myself to end because it's my only meaningful connection, I can't drive, there are things about my appearance I can't fix, and I can't practice drawing because I feel like to be as good as I wanna be it will take years of practice. I'm frustrated that it's so hard to die. I would get a gun over anything else because they're the most effective, but I don't have any money and I have no idea if they would even sell it to me anyway. I wish one of my family members had a gun. I barely have any meaningful relationships outside of my "relationship", which is fractured because of my repeated cheating.

 

[scordatura]

I am being a really abusive person right now. Verbally abusive. I am disgusted with myself. I need to burn bridges. I don't deserve anything good. I am driving myself to my own death it is shameful. Maybe I don't even deserve to die? Maybe I should live, since isn't that the perfect torture. I either need to be completely alone. Or I need to radically change. Or I need to end things. I think though over the past year. The harder I've tried to change. The worse I've become.

It doesn't matter. Nothing gives me the right to hurt other people right now. Nothing. Fuck. I am a monster.

Burn me at the stake.