What are the main two or three reasons driving your desire to leave?

[itsamadworld]

1. terrible mental health which has only gotten worse over time, making it difficult to sustainably be a normal person... i feel like even if i werent depressed, my anxiety and bpd would still be debilitating

2. terrible things have happened to me and it feels like they will always be following me around and im afraid of them getting worse, so i like having the ability to ctb in my back pocket so i can always jump ship when things get too tough

3. im deeply miserable about my existence and circumstances of my life in unchangeable ways. sometimes it feels like even if everything is perfect, there's still inescapable stuff all around me and it's so tiring and i can't see me lasting longer through it lol

Inescapable...that's a good word and about perfectly good enuf to summarize life....for those who see it for what it really is....

1. Botched plastic surgery
Which made me to become
2.severely mentally ill (not that I was very healthy before but it became much worse)
3. Gender dysphoria will never stop in my case

It's too bad people are so shallow that a perfectly good person would have to get plastic surgery...btw...I had breast augmentation surgery, but had them removed apprx. 10 years back....btw...now, I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about my small titties anymore, as much as I was bullied and beaten on...I like my man boobs, got me in a better place than my big boob-ed biology-sister!!? Read above to find out more on my sister....

1. Botched plastic surgery
Which made me to become
2.severely mentally ill (not that I was very healthy before but it became much worse)
3. Gender dysphoria will never stop in my case

I love your comment! ......Plastic Surgery...i rarely wanna mention this, but 15 years back approximately, I had breast augmentation surgery, but shortly then had them removed......read my comments on my big boobed sister above..... That will explain how I feel now...I am now glad for my itty-bitty-tiity -comitee .....in more ways than you all know.....pm me for further deets if you want...

 

[BadRNG]

Being different.

 

[sadgirl2002]

However many reasons you have, 1million, would be fine with me! :) questioning. I have no answers, but what I have seen....well, "expirience is the greatest teacher"....a quote from whom, I can't recall...I hope true love for you... I have two pretty good friends, of which I am grateful!. I'm such an introvert, and they are both more extroverted....that's helpful for me, but I am still thinking and acting planning ctb for if it gets too cray ..my family don't really care about me...I hope you find a couple or a few people or more!, who accept you for who you are.... little I can offer.

Thank you dear, I've just been through so much in my life and it never stopped for a minute. I agree with your observation/opinion of humans and love in today's society. It's not love at all, it's lust. It's disgusting, the pure love that I believe in doesn't exist anymore. People have multiple partners, unplanned pregnancies which leads to more abortion, people cheat in all of the ways possible... the world revolves around sex and nothing more. It's so vile, I hate it! The depravity of this world makes me want to die even more. I believe the quote is by Julius Caesar. Thank you so much, I hope my true love will come back. It's all I truly want.

I'm glad you have two friends to keep going in life with, I'm also an introvert. I may CTB in the future as well. I'm just waiting for something but I'll see in a few years. I doubt I'll be here in three years though, it depends on how things turn out. Most of my family don't care about me either and eventually, I stopped caring too. The one I love truly accepted me, I know I won't find anyone else who will accept me like he did. I can only hope that we will reunite.

I hope you find true love, peace and happiness in this life. I'm here if you ever need to talk. Sending you hugs x

 

[lizinha]

1: Substance abuse.
2: Terrible/bad Support system
3: Mental illness

 

[mediocre]

1. Severe health issues. Constant stomach and bladder pain. Severe b12 deficiency that causes all sorts of pain and extreme fatigue.
2. Aspergers and having no social skills. Issues with my voice and speaking. Impossible to do even the most basic things in everyday life.
3. An overwhelming feeling that my life has come to its natural end and every day that I continue to live I will continue to deteriorate.

 

[TAW122]

There are more than just two or three reasons, but if I had to narrow down, it would be these three reasons:

1) My Aspergers and other disorders making day to day life difficult, especially social interactions both on social media and face to face. There is no cure for this and while things may be partially mitigated, the problem is always there and I will always struggle with personal interaction with others as well as figuring how to behave, what to say, the flow of conversation, etc. It's just a never-ending chore and I would be more than happy to lose a few IQ points in order to be NT rather than autistic. Personally, I don't find any advantage to just being slightly above average in intelligence. Unless I'm someone like Einstein, Tesla, or Newton, the additional intelligence is rather overrated and not as advantageous as others are made to believe.

2) The loss of enjoyment of my hobbies (especially piano) due to my continual and persisting performance anxiety as well as focus/concentration issues. It hasn't been getting better and only has gotten worse. While that may (big 'may') be solved, I simply don't have the means nor wish to go through so much trouble for no results (wasting time, money, and effort), thus it's easier to just call it quits. Music is a big part of my life so having it decline and crumble before me is something that is really difficult to bear. Had I successfully overcome this problem in the past and/or never had such a problem like this, I could last a very long time (years and years with music as cope). Sadly, one of my major copes has been ruined for me.

3) The fact that society sucks in many ways and most importantly, has yet to legalize voluntary euthanasia (being able to get a quick screening, including a waiting time) on demand and in the places that contain death with dignity, it is only reserved for the terminally ill (except for certain countries like Belgium, Switzerland, and the Netherlands) especially in the US. If anything else, I believe the right to choose one's own destiny/fate, whether it is to continue living or to die is one of the most fundamental and important rights that a human being can have. It's sad that governments, societies, and fellow human beings deny this very right to other fellow human beings (selfishness of the collective) yet would be quick to euthanize animals suffering immensely (dog, cat, pet bird, pet hamster, etc.). Also, we treat our most heinous criminals even with dignity when it comes to the death penalty (lethal injection for instance), which is baffling and mind blowing.

Anyways, those are my top three reasons by far, after simplification of my many more reasons for wanting to CTB.

 

[faust]

There are many reasons why I have to leave, but the main 3 (not sorted by relevance) would be:
1) Horrendous future which is inevitable. I cannot face it. It is worse than just death. I crossed the line and now there is no way out.
2) Mental health problems. Which won't allow me to succeed and face the reason no.1
3) Existential crisis. Since I do not see any reasons to stay longer... I did what I could. Let the wind blowing do the rest.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

There are more but listing the top reasons:

1) unloved and unwanted ever since the moment I came into this world
2) bedridden from a young age (on bed 24/7 doing nothing)
3) regrets that I spent the most beautiful time of my life wasting away on the bed and I can't have that time back anymore. I feel so devastated for that time lost.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Very short version:
Being a failure
Financial (I'm worth more dead than alive)
Mental health (recently diagnosed with ptsd and it has messed me up, also have anxiety and depression)

 

[s1mplem3]

Hello to all. I was reading another thread and I got inspired that this would be a purposeful question to ask and answer...We shall see...:).....Here are my reasons to want to exit the stage, in no real particular order:
1. Failed Relationships - and realizing that the concept of love among humans is pretty much all about lust. Very rarely do I see couples that are content, and it really bothers me when I see so many children caught in the middle of their lies and chaos....There seems to be a constant drive in humans which makes them NEVER satisfied....I don't think humans will ever evolve out of their primitive nature. I think humans will always be selfish, competitive, and aggressive. Bear in mind- this is my opinion and observations..
2. I have a fear of getting old. I worked the last 9 years in hospice/pallitive care....Though I do have fond memories of some of my patients, but even if I like them as people, it doesn't seem to be a strong enough driver for me to really feel "satisfied".....I am also childfree female... I don't think I have a strong drive to take care of anyone and I get to feeling resentful and overworked especially when I struggle to keep my shit together..I basically did it for the money.....Maybe it's because I have aspburgers, bpd....I just never felt an urge to nurture anyone and people really frustrate me. I would rather be in more mobile career, and I found one, but my body cannot take the abuse anymore...I hate workplace politics, though as I get repeatedly abused in the workforce in a lowpaying female centric careeer, my give a damn is busted....My mom used to tell me "you'll feel better about yourself if you care for other people." I don't find that to be the case for me....Nor did i see that affect with her.....I felt like she was being dishonest with me....I also see the way humans treat non-human species, and that makes me sick....I watched a documentary titled "Our Planet" on episode I forget, the elephants and hippos wandering thru the desert looking for water, that was taken from them due to a human built damn.....I just wanted to cbt right on the spot. That was painful to watch....
3. I am just tired of working and feeling physical pain. I am also tired of my depression and anxiety.....

You seem smarter than me. My reasons are simple - I just want to have family and friends, I can't take this anymore.

 

[itsamadworld]

I'm sorry for not writing a longer answer, but I'm exhausted and feeling like absolute shit right now. Haven't slept at all, and it's 5:17am. Well, here I go.

My three main reasons:
-Hatred for everything. The world and the society of it, the past and the trauma of it, my mistakes and guilts/regrets, and the constant pain and confusion of the present, and the horribly tough decision of whether to tolerate this shitty world for the fleeting good moments or just ctb and be done with it.
-The pain. There's many of them. Pain of the trauma, of the guilts and regrets, pain of living, of socialising, of thinking constantly, of simply a shit day...it never ends.
-The confusion. The turmoil that tortures me every day. A never ending debate that argues with so many reasons why I should or should not die. And if is start feeling too goodness and the decision seems easier, life will fuck me over and out me back on the spot. Same goes to feeling absolutely horrible, something good comes along and throws me right back into indecision. It's like life is toying with me. I hate it. Oh, wrong reason.

Well, this turned out longer than expected. Guess it turned into me half-venting, idk. Well, I'm done here. Hope everyone's day gets a little better, even by a small bit. Cherish the little things, it's all we have.

The confusion can be one of the most difficult aspects of life...no knowing how to handle difficult human behaviors can be very emotionally exhausting for sure, imo.

 

[the end is near]

health problems
financial problems

 

[itsamadworld]

I have ZERO people in my life that care about me. I am not exaggerating, either. Not one person has reached out to me since quarantine...and, well before that, no one did then either. But in the face of a pandemic...literally no one cares that I am alive. No text messages, phone calls or anything.

I have worked in long term care before and given how miserable my life has been and the lack of family I have, I am not dying alone in a senior home wearing diapers. It is sad to begin with but given that no one visits me in my mid-age, no one will be around in my senior years either. I have given up on people/family and just want off this planet.

I should add a third reason because it very valid in my life - TRAUMA. I have CPTSD and I am sick of the symptoms. I was once a great parent, had a great career that I worked hard for and had a bunch of friends. Now, I have literally nothing. Kids dont want anything to do with me, my parents who were abusive have influenced my kids and I burned bridges with friends. I isolate now. Surviving on disability and no one cares about me at all. Whatever. I hope they dont pretend to care once I am gone. That would piss me off. I guess this goes under the category of mental illness. I also have borderline personality disorder, which makes me feel less than human and I can't survive in this world. I feel like I was meant to have a troubled life and die early from a young age.

That's a tough one, BPD....I have a similar situation; aspburgers, BPD and families will most likely not understand .. There's a difference in thinking for people with such conditions...

 

[Nem]

1 Severe damage from a retard dr combined with a sociopath ex
2 Severe depression from what happened above. I sleep three hours a night for over five years now and death is the only way I will get some rest
Peace/hugs

 

[itsamadworld]

1 Severe damage from a retard dr combined with a sociopath ex
2 Severe depression from what happened above. I sleep three hours a night for over five years now and death is the only way I will get some rest
Peace/hugs

That can foster mistrust. I hope that at least some trust can be restored for you, and that you can get some good sleep...I take Benadryl almost nightly, just too
not itch from my allergies to this world.....

 

[jd123]

This life and world could be a beautiful place. Unfortunately it's filled with corruption, greed, and the power hungry new world order 1% that ruins this world.
Hunger, homelessness, never ending wars, killing, human trafficking. Those are some things that make this a sick fkin world to live in.

 

[Pryras]

Mental health issues are my main issue. I'm an empath and being around certain people will actually make me feel worse. The way I am is why I can't see a good future for myself in the following years.

 

[Inferdan]

The confusion can be one of the most difficult aspects of life...no knowing how to handle difficult human behaviors can be very emotionally exhausting for sure, imo.

I don't know what I feel anymore. What I think. How i am. There's so much duality and feeling and thinking both sides of every situation that I don't know which is me reacting or which is me understanding the opposite. Don't know if this makes sense, but it's those three reasons are all mixed and connected together, and this whole situation is just one big mess for me.

 

[5:45AM]

I've always felt disconnected from other people and the world. Spent all my free time when I was growing up in my room gaming or scouring the internet for new ways to escape, which nobody ever questioned (siblings with more pressing issues tied up my parents, and I was doing okay in school). I feel like I woke up in a sense around when I was 16, and started forming as a real person around then. I made a few friends and even had a couple of relationships (that I screwed up hard), but my social anxiety and terrible self-image make it hard for me to even imagine that they care about me, let alone try to talk to them. My memory and focus are terrible and I can't remember most of my childhood, or even what I was doing yesterday. My life feels like a haze, sometimes I'll walk by a mirror, see myself and feel a shock as I remember that I'm actually here.

Also related to "waking up" at 16 was when I started realizing that I'm trans, which took me 5 more painful years to process and accept. T puberty did a number on me and I'll maaaybe be passable with facial feminization surgery, but the worst part is definitely my voice. Music, playing guitar and singing are some of the only things I really enjoy at all in this life, and knowing I'll never have a voice like I want even with training and/or surgery is soul crushing to me.

Sorry if this reads like hell, I'm really tired. My life isn't so bad, I have people that support me and the potential for some kind of middle class life and I feel guilty about it but I just don't have the drive to keep going in me, it doesn't feel worth it.

 

[itsamadworld]

I've always felt disconnected from other people and the world. Spent all my free time when I was growing up in my room gaming or scouring the internet for new ways to escape, which nobody ever questioned (siblings with more pressing issues tied up my parents, and I was doing okay in school). I feel like I woke up in a sense around when I was 16, and started forming as a real person around then. I made a few friends and even had a couple of relationships (that I screwed up hard), but my social anxiety and terrible self-image make it hard for me to even imagine that they care about me, let alone try to talk to them. My memory and focus are terrible and I can't remember most of my childhood, or even what I was doing yesterday. My life feels like a haze, sometimes I'll walk by a mirror, see myself and feel a shock as I remember that I'm actually here.

Also related to "waking up" at 16 was when I started realizing that I'm trans, which took me 5 more painful years to process and accept. T puberty did a number on me and I'll maaaybe be passable with facial feminization surgery, but the worst part is definitely my voice. Music, playing guitar and singing are some of the only things I really enjoy at all in this life, and knowing I'll never have a voice like I want even with training and/or surgery is soul crushing to me.

Sorry if this reads like hell, I'm really tired. My life isn't so bad, I have people that support me and the potential for some kind of middle class life and I feel guilty about it but I just don't have the drive to keep going in me, it doesn't feel worth it.

I used to have to practice proper social protocols in front of the mirror. Especially proper eye contact was a tough one for me...it doesn't help that humans seem to think that everyone should just be born into a 'one-size- fits-all' type of mentality...

 

[alexK]

1. The country I live in
2. Being denied my basic human rights
3. The religious hypocrites I call "family"
4. Past mistakes, lost opportunities, trauma, abuse...and the list goes on

 

[waived]

My existence is similar to a parasite. I made a little change for myself but rely on handouts from others for food and shelter. This has been going on for too long to still justify feeling ok with
It.

Your social and material poverty is required for the dominant order to exist. It is what's parasitic.

 

[porfin1234]

1) Job
2) Hospital bills
3) tormented by memories of how I've not been good to others and could've been a better human

 

[BangBangBang]

1) My health is shit. Chronic illnesses as a result of chemo and radiotherapy I received was a child. They saved me but f*cked my body up in the process. Problems with my heart liver kidneys...Poor mental health depression and anxiety.
2) Constant fear of cancer coming back
3) Childhood trauma (death of my father, being left an orphan at such a young age left under care of my toxic mental abusive unsupportive realtives after my mother who cheated on my father just before he died eloped overseas with her lover)

I'm 21 physically but I feel like I've lived 60 years already.

 

[bpdandme]

1 - mental illness
2 - I feel trapped in my mind and in constant battle
3 - so many regrets/things I should of done differently but didnt because of relationships or friendships

 

[andy69]

1. No career, no job, no future despite having a PhD.
2. No one to love me.

 

[Conker]

There are more than just two or three reasons, but if I had to narrow down, it would be these three reasons:

1) My Aspergers and other disorders making day to day life difficult, especially social interactions both on social media and face to face. There is no cure for this and while things may be partially mitigated, the problem is always there and I will always struggle with personal interaction with others as well as figuring how to behave, what to say, the flow of conversation, etc. It's just a never-ending chore and I would be more than happy to lose a few IQ points in order to be NT rather than autistic. Personally, I don't find any advantage to just being slightly above average in intelligence. Unless I'm someone like Einstein, Tesla, or Newton, the additional intelligence is rather overrated and not as advantageous as others are made to believe.

2) The loss of enjoyment of my hobbies (especially piano) due to my continual and persisting performance anxiety as well as focus/concentration issues. It hasn't been getting better and only has gotten worse. While that may (big 'may') be solved, I simply don't have the means nor wish to go through so much trouble for no results (wasting time, money, and effort), thus it's easier to just call it quits. Music is a big part of my life so having it decline and crumble before me is something that is really difficult to bear. Had I successfully overcome this problem in the past and/or never had such a problem like this, I could last a very long time (years and years with music as cope). Sadly, one of my major copes has been ruined for me.

3) The fact that society sucks in many ways and most importantly, has yet to legalize voluntary euthanasia (being able to get a quick screening, including a waiting time) on demand and in the places that contain death with dignity, it is only reserved for the terminally ill (except for certain countries like Belgium, Switzerland, and the Netherlands) especially in the US. If anything else, I believe the right to choose one's own destiny/fate, whether it is to continue living or to die is one of the most fundamental and important rights that a human being can have. It's sad that governments, societies, and fellow human beings deny this very right to other fellow human beings (selfishness of the collective) yet would be quick to euthanize animals suffering immensely (dog, cat, pet bird, pet hamster, etc.). Also, we treat our most heinous criminals even with dignity when it comes to the death penalty (lethal injection for instance), which is baffling and mind blowing.

Anyways, those are my top three reasons by far, after simplification of my many more reasons for wanting to CTB.

Those heinous criminals deserve to get beheaded on live TV, and beforehand have their torture broadcasted. That would be a paradigm shift to one that no longer tolerates fear & evil. Coddling & pandering to the masks of "human" robots never will take humanity to a higher heavenly reality where happiness is no longer a fantasy but as common as the blades of grass.

 

[Pisceslilith]

3 reasons:
(1)Severe mental health issues due to trauma, not being able to function and be a normal person because of it.
(2)I'm tired of being me and I hate the idea of spending the rest of my life as this person.
(3) I just don't have the desire to live anymore, it's boring to me.

 

[RayoSinSol]

1. Feeling like everything I've been told to apply meaning to has always been a lie. Or that I am an aberration unable to find joy in the same things as normal people.
2. Feeling naive and helpless. Anomie. A conflicted, fragmented identity.
3. Feeling exhausted by having to constantly wear a mask, and bored of being alone just staring at walls and screens to distract myself from my aversion to trying to be likeable and forming friendships.
4. Feeling like I'm emotional about things that cost too much to care about and wish I genuinely cared more about things that "pay" socially. Competition, domination, money, materialism, sex.
5. Feeling constantly invalidated by people close to me. Unseen by people who have looked at my face for years.

I don't know who I am or who I'm becoming anymore. I'm out to sea, floating aimlessly through each day. I just don't want to feel my meaningless feelings anymore, if I don't have to.

 

[Navneel]

Halo! Pardon me, that your heart wrenching comment, your long suffering, your longing to love...all made me so happy, yes, a happiness I' m feeling inside maybe after a interval of long deacade. Basicaly I do believe happiness comes to us in two scenarios. When we are able to express ourselves( no matter what miserable quagmire we are in). So according to me, crying is more akin to happiness than laughter. Cause It can express our real deep inner feelings so severely and so seriously, which laughter can not. Since you expressed exactly my own unable-to-express mournful mind, you kept alive a dialect of my dead language, it is utterly happiness to me. The second reason of happiness is that, togetherness/ connectedness. When we realy feel connected to each other, each other's immotion, each other's distress, each other's misfortune , it can be called love aka happiness. Literaly we had never been happy caz we never been abled to find a connection with this planet. We took birth here, we played Here, we suffered Here, we lived Here, but never loved here to anything, to anyone. We were always alien here. Nothing could have been abled to please us. And also we never have been abled to please anyone. But at the verge of my life, upon the encounter with you, I feel, I am not alone here, my screwd up life is not unique here. I should not see myself so forlorn, as I supposed to think. Death, disease, disaster....no matter what awful situation human was and is to go throgh, they are not alone, they are crumbling all together, they are dying all together, the are suffering all together, no matter how far distant continent they are living in. So I can relate you. I can realize you. I can find a strong intimacy with you. When I'll die tonight, I'll still live within you, caz there was no difference between you and I . I'll retire from life with this happiness, with this sameness. Thank you very much!