Discussion What age did you/ do you think you'd die at? Either of natural causes or CTB?

[Forever Sleep]

Did you ever have an age in mind? Either a feeling you'd die of natural causes at/ by a certain age or that you'd CTB by one?

I was convinced I'd die at the age of 40- like my Mum. I felt so disappointed and guilty in a way when I passed that age. I hate the thought that I'm older than her now- as it were.

 

[mitsurumors]

When I was 11 I was certain I wouldn't reach 22
Sad that didn't come to pass
I think of natural causes... maybe 52? I don't think I'll make it long, especially not with this disabled body
After surgery I could maybe reach 60 or something like that
That is, if I haven't ctb before. Still clinging to some hope tho, bc there are sadly things I enjoy in this life, like my cats, games, anime etc.

 

[FuneralCry]

When I was much younger I never was able to imagine myself getting much older but sadly I'm still trapped here, I've always found it dreadful thinking of what potentially lies ahead.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'm an old bastard and in my fifties.
Reaching 60 is utterly unthinkable.
So fuck that shit.

 

[jazzcat]

ever since I was a teenager I never thought I'd make it past 30
I just can't picture myself getting older than that, I will most likely die later this year and I'm turning 27 in july

 

[winamp]

I didn't think I would make it past 12 or live to see 18 at the moment I can't imagine making it to 27 or past 27

 

[Suicidе]

i thought i would kill myself at 15 but i fucked everything up. at best all i can do now is hope i somehow die instantly or as painlessly as possible. i don't want to reach 20 years old i dont want to continue this repetitive garbage anymore i cant

 

[outatime_85]

I thought it would have happened in my teens.

I am certain I am not going to die in old age because I will most likely not live into old age.

So, I don't cling to hope; for me, death is simply sitting somewhere and saying, "Tick-tock, Tick-tock."

 

[Ashu]

I'm almost certain this is cancer or pre-cancer, so I'm feeling like I'm only a couple o years from the end.

 

[ggetout33]

well I can't really say much for when I was younger but I'm about to be 22 and plan to die by 40, at the max.

 

[CrystalDog69]

Did you ever have an age in mind? Either a feeling you'd die of natural causes at/ by a certain age or that you'd CTB by one?

I was convinced I'd die at the age of 40- like my Mum. I felt so disappointed and guilty in a way when I passed that age. I hate the thought that I'm older than her now- as it were.

I didn't think I would make it to 12. For better or for worse I just turned 22 recently and that is so weird to think about.

 

[Klophy]

For me, it was 20. I was convinced that I would be gone by then, almost a decade later now and i'm still here. I hate it.

 

[Unending]

I keep thinking I won't make it past a certain age or year but I'm starting to become concerned that I may die of natural causes at 90 or so after being chronically suicidal my whole life and not acting. Ehh... hopefully there will come a day where I either do it or decide I don't need to instead.

 

[catastrophix]

I used to say I wouldn't get past age 12. I'm 20 now. I'm hoping 30 at the absolute maximum via CTB.

 

[ICan'tThink]

i cant see myself getting past 35, might be sooner though

 

[leloyon]

I feel like I should have CTB'd at 14. Or 17 for that matter. I feel very disappointed in myself that I reached 18, despite the fact that I had no means of obtaining a reliable method at that point (no bank account, thus no online purchases, and no stores nearby that sold things that I could use).
As for now? I accepted at 13 that I would CTB before 30. Right now it is unthinkable that I will see 2025. I expect I will CTB in November - December 2024 at the latest. I will be 19, in that case. I hope to do it that time this year, though, where I will still be 18. I have an odd attachment with the last three months of the year.

 

[ferret-in-a-sock]

From age like 5 I was really convinced I'd die at 16. I wrote even a really crappy little OC story when I was like 12 about it called "15 be warned, 16 you're dead" (edgy little tween stuff).

I ended up getting into 2 car accidents at 16. The first one I had a "oh no. I'm dead" moment then narrowly missed certain death/severe injury by like a split-second reaction to get out of the way. The second one had no potential to be deadly from the accident itself, but I actually think I almost became a "missing teenage girl" news report.

The guy hit me while I was walking and instead of calling the police, he insisted I get in his car and he'd drive me to the hospital and he tried touching me at one point to "help" me into his car.

After that year I was like "g-d*mn. I think I was supposed to die. Good grief."

Now days my current bet is heart-issues. 30s-40s. If I don't CTB.

 

[Forever Sleep]

From age like 5 I was really convinced I'd die at 16. I wrote even a really crappy little OC story when I was like 12 about it called "15 be warned, 16 you're dead" (edgy little tween stuff).

I ended up getting into 2 car accidents at 16. The first one I had a "oh no. I'm dead" moment then narrowly missed certain death/severe injury by like a split-second reaction to get out of the way. The second one had no potential to be deadly from the accident itself, but I actually think I almost became a "missing teenage girl" news report.

The guy hit me while I was walking and instead of calling the police, he insisted I get in his car and he'd drive me to the hospital and he tried touching me at one point to "help" me into his car.

After that year I was like "g-d*mn. I think I was supposed to die. Good grief."

Now days my current bet is heart-issues. 30s-40s. If I don't CTB.

I'm so sorry for what you've experienced- that driver sounded really dodgy. God though- suicidal at 5 years old? That's the youngest I think I've heard here. That's rough. I'm sorry.

Oh- sorry- re-read that and think I may have misunderstood... Was it more you thought you were going to die young- not that you wanted to? That's still pretty rough though...

 

[ferret-in-a-sock]

I'm so sorry for what you've experienced- that driver sounded really dodgy. God though- suicidal at 5 years old? That's the youngest I think I've heard here. That's rough. I'm sorry.

Oh- sorry- re-read that and think I may have misunderstood... Was it more you thought you were going to die young- not that you wanted to? That's still pretty rough though...

Yeah, lol, fortunately I wasn't suicidal as a 5 year old, I don't think I comprehended suicide until far later. My dad was very violent and abusive . The quote all of my siblings and I know well from him is "if you call the police tell them to bring 5 body bags."

So, I guess I kind of thought I'd die and 16 seemed like "the number" to me. It seemed really old when I was a kid.

I don't think I imagined it ever as suicide though. It was more like I just imagined abruptly dying because of supernatural forces.

 

[greenpictureframe]

As a teenager I was depressed and suicidal, and couldn't really imagine getting 18 or older. I thought surely I would have killed myself by then... now I'm in my twenties

 

[Teleftaía Anapnoí]

As a child, I had my first ideation. I arrived in the kitchen and grabbed a knife, I tried to stick the knife in my chest. I failed, obviously. As a teenager I was very, very depressed about my dad and his issues with his health issues and I tried to swallow all of his medications. The only thing I felt was that I got really, really nauseous and needed to sleep. Now at 22 I'm trying CTB with carbon monoxide. That's it, my suicide story.

 

[alonely]

12. Distinctly remember not thinking i'd not CTB before I was a "teen".

 

[wristcutangel]

honestly i thought i'd be dead before even highschool, either by myself or killed by someone else.

 

[ctvunny]

Before? I wasnt really sure, I just know that Ill live for a good while and hope for the best. But now, Id say at the age of 23 which is I am now. I really hope I got hit by a car then die on impact.

 

[Aloneisbestforme]

Before I thought I would be dead before 13.

and than I turned 13 maybe at 18 i'll be dead.
Now I am here maybe by age 21 - 25 i'll be dead idk though but that's the main age i'm thinking

 

[JustABug]

Thought I'd die before the age of 13, then 14, 15, 16 and so on. I'm eighteen currently. Now i believe I won't make it to 19. Maybe this will go on forever.

 

[bluebus]

I never really thought about it that much. I assumed I would go on to live a relatively normal life, and die from an accident/ sickness/ natural causes. Now though, I am planning to ctb soon. I guess I'll be 19 forever.

 

[StolenLife]

When i was really young I used to be scared of death, so I thought that i'm gonna live until old age. At 12 I thought I'd be dead by 14. In high school I thought I d be dead by 18-24. Now at 23 I hope to be dead before 30.

 

[Final_Choice]

I'm 20 right now, didn't think I'd make it this far, I might die before I get to 21 or maybe I don't. I'm almost 100% sure I won't make it to 25 years old though, so sometime between 20 and 25.

 

[TheMetalhead]

Before diving deep into depression I thought I'd die of natural causes, my point of view began to change in my early teens, I knew I would die by my of hand, I wanted to try living at least till 18, but that changed with my first CTB attempt at 17. Shit went on and at 22 I'm still alive despite a few CTB attempts. Well another one coming soon hopefully.