Venting What a cruel sick joke

[TopChicken]

People think of emotions as binary. Either you hate or you love someone. You feel happy or you feel sad. As I'm sure most people on here know, emotions are a spectrum. You can feel all of them at once, even if they are diametrically opposed.

I have wanted to ctb for as long as I can remember. In fact, it's probably easier to say I can't think of a time I haven't wanted to die. At the same time, i want to live forever. I desperately want to see what happens, or at the very least, go to space.

As i type this, im a few feet from hopefully enough opiates to od on while planning to attempt a partial hanging.

The cruel joke is i desperately want to die and i desperately want to live.

 

[theboy]

SI

 

[locked*n*loaded]

SI

This ^

 

[Olisop21.]

People think of emotions as binary. Either you hate or you love someone. You feel happy or you feel sad. As I'm sure most people on here know, emotions are a spectrum. You can feel all of them at once, even if they are diametrically opposed.

I have wanted to ctb for as long as I can remember. In fact, it's probably easier to say I can't think of a time I haven't wanted to die. At the same time, i want to live forever. I desperately want to see what happens, or at the very least, go to space.

As i type this, im a few feet from hopefully enough opiates to od on while planning to attempt a partial hanging.

The cruel joke is i desperately want to die and i desperately want to live.

I can relate to wanting to live and wanting to die at the same time, SI keeps following me. I don't want to have any responsibility for anything. Just need to do a couple things for my short drop. I've been afraid to do most things in my life and therefore missing out on a lot. I think the only thing stopping me right now is my husband finding me. I'm all he's got. Someone has to find me or not.

This ^

Exactly

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

I definitely feel caught in between life and death, I'm too tired to live and too tired to die. Some of it is also just delusion that things will magically get better, then shit hits the fan again and reminds me it won't get better no matter what I do. Sure there will be times when things are less bad but that won't be able to outweigh all the really really bad parts. People call it SI, for me personally, I say it's delusion that's holding me back lol.