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Fuck them though.Most of our parents are like that.They're just so self absorbed. I'm sorry.They feel like giving birth to us is enough. They feel like this one act is enough to really absolve them of everything else. Some of them think they don't have to care for us either.
I had a similar childhood, I feel like it's the main reason as to why I'm so anxious now. People can just, change. I don't understand how people feel secure attachment to anything.
I guess it means to provide emotional support/guidance for a child, to help them navigate through the emotional instability life can cause as they grow up.
My mum hit me a lot once. Just went insane. I ended up hitting back because i didn't like it. Then my Dad intervened, not to tell her to stop but to tell me to not hit my mother.
reminds me of my family
guilt tripping, high expectations for others but not holding one to same, judement, lack of encourgment are all signs of narsasistic parenting. my mother was like this because of her own mother. I doubt every little thing I do now . My dad tried to enforce from a young age that violence is the answer to anything and did the same to my younger siblings I'm the oldest. I got away from them as soon as I could and it helped
I feel for you. Hitting a child is not a parental position at all. To me, it's a kind of infantilism. I don't want to try to understand this. They're adults! They chose to bring a child into this world and take responsibility for them, after all.
Tell that to my mom. I remember her once ranting to me after her professor told the class that hitting children was considered to be child abuse. In her mind, so long as you don't leave any bruises you can hit a child as much as you want. Her idea of abuse is purely based on legality (though, she seems to love ignoring the fact that hitting/whipping children using objects isn't allowed where we live) and the physical effects of it. She happens to also be a social worker, though thankfully she doesn't work with children.
things lke this make me wish that people had to have a license to have a child. Like some kind of course they can study and there be a bare minium requierment of emotional understanding . would that not solve everything?
Nope. That would just cause more issues, if anything. It is likely that, if the world were to work that way, there would end up being biases against certain groups of people wanting to have children while also allowing other groups to have kids, including those who shouldn't. For example, a rich white cis-het Christian might have an easier time getting a license compared to couples who are POC, queer, from marginalized faiths, etc, due to societal biases being in favour of people from that demographic. This is already a huge issue being seen when it comes to adoptions, where most adoption agencies are more likely to turn away good candidates for adoption just because they are from a marginalized group or want to be a single parent. Meanwhile, there are many cases of adopted children and foster care kids being taken care of by abusive individuals who are able to get away with their abuse because of their coming from positions of privilege (e.g., white, cis gender, heterosexual, middle-class, etc).
my mother was a cold-hearted monster
That wouldn't do shit. My mom still believes that hitting kids is perfectly acceptable, even though her social work professor tried to explain why that isn't the case.
okay but if there werent any societal biases tho what about then.
As for the legality, oh yeah! I used to get slapped by mother as a kid. I still wonder whether she stopped because I was growing up and starting to realise that "this isn't how it's supposed to be," or because she truly came to believe it was wrong. She told me directly that she wouldn't hit me anymore.
Yeah, my mom also stopped hitting me as much as I got older, though she never said anything about it. I've only been slapped by her a few times between the ages of 12 to 22. She used to hit me all the time as a child though. She used to get the belt on me for shit like allowing my stepmother to do my hair. I used to be afraid of her when I was younger and I'm still kind of afraid of her as an adult, but she still doesn't seem to understand why. I think she stopped doing it as much because you can only use corporal punishment up until your child reaches a certain age where I live. She now only slaps me every once in a blue moon, usually when she's really pissed off at me.
I always heard, "I don't want you to call me a bad mother in the future." Sometimes I feel like what she really meant was, "I want you to stew in your(her lol) (censured), and I won't take any responsibility for it. Some people are just born that way, unfortunately. I did everything I could."
I'm sorry to hear that. Neglect and abuse is one of the worst things that can happen to a human being.
Most of the time I had my physical needs met like being provided with food, ect. But I was severely emotionally and medically neglected.
