Were you failed or did you fail yourself?

[snooperdooper]

Wondering if you think that your suicidality is the result of other people/bad genetics or your own poor decision making. I think it's a mix of both for me, personally. I made one really bad decision that forced me into having to CTB but I also suffered a lot due to external factors prior to that.

 

[itsgone2]

It's definitely from my own mistakes. But I see clearly now. What I don't understand, and would somewhat blame my parents for, is why was I the way that I was?

 

[kabuto43]

It's definitely from my own mistakes. But I see clearly now. What I don't understand, and would somewhat blame my parents for, is why was I the way that I was?

I totally feel that, for me i was definitely without a doubt failed because of what family specifically did the crazy thing is i had felt it was somehow my fault I understood by growing up that it absolutely wasn't and that i was at a clear disadvantage that mostly nobody else had. so we very often blame ourselves for things that are the fault of our immediate environment because ppl are probably taught to suck it up instead of recognizing the geniune sabotage that has operated in their lives

 

[FuneralCry]

No, it's a result of wanting peace, for me non-existence is just all that's positive in this existence so torturous and dreadful and I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer, I wish to cease existing because existence is an abomination that just cause suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for and as long as I exist I'll just hope to be permanently free and safe from all suffering in this existence I just always saw as a terrible mistake.

I find it so deeply undesirable to exist in every way and I find it the most terrible, dreadful tragedy how this existence was imposed causing all this suffering, harm and cruelty as a result, all I wish for is the peace of an eternal sleep, for me existence is always the problem, I find it horrific and terrifying how a human can suffer for so long just to die in agony from old age.

 

[R-7]

I feel as though there have been many external factors in my life that have led me to this point (uncaring family, medical conditions, being bullied, certain family tragedies, repeatedly being abandoned by those I've cared about) but it has always felt disingenuous to not take some of the blame myself.

 

[kopebaldy]

I'm a failure, and because of that, I failed in life.

There's no external factors, I'm the problem.

 

[Forever Sleep]

A bit of both. Unfortunate circumstances. Bullying. My choices weren't terrible but, I could have done more to work on my fears/ issues earlier on.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

The former. I was born in a coffin.

 

[somethingisntreal]

I'd say the latter. I was born in a healthy family. No traumatizing events whatsoever. I've got parents who care about me deeply. Despite all that, I somehow managed to fuck up my life, and now I cannot bear to exist in this miserable world any longer. If I can't be satisfied with everything that I have, I'm doomed. There's something fundamentally wrong with me. There HAS to be. 8 year old kids don't just randomly try to hang themselves. Whenever I read posts over here I can't help but feel like a faker among all these people with real problems. I'm a self-loathing parasite. The only way out of this hell I've created for myself is death - since I'm too lazy and stupid to improve myself. I'm soon going to make my parents suffer for the rest of their lives due to my own incompetency and cowardice. They deserved a better child. I'm the lowest of the lows. I wish I could be simply forgotten after my death.

 

[ih34rty0u]

i failed because others had failed me

 

[angrybiologist]

I'm definitely the problem

 

[Dying Opportunity]

A mix of both to be honest. Despite being failed by a lot of people, I feel as though there are things I could have done sooner that would things suck a little less for me.

 

[UglyLife82]

Simply lost the genetic lottery

 

[Xiaojiu]

Life failed me and I failed myself

 

[ReturnToVega]

In my personal opinion, everything that ever was and ever will be has been determined before our birth. If you are suicidal or have a miserable life, it was always meant to be that way. It is predestined. And so it's pointless to fault yourself for the life you've been given. Death is not the end, it is a door; the escape.

 

[Keridwen]

I was unfortunately born with it - I believe
My first memory was suicidal
8-9 years old
Happy/normal childhood as far as I'm aware , but crippling desire to cease to exist.

 

[oneirataxia]

A mix of my and other people's actions. The depression I feel is brought on by circumstance.

 

[starboy2k]

Both. I failed myself because I was failed and was told it was unconditional love. Me killing myself will be the last "dumb mistake" I will ever have to make.

 

[Hollowman]

Both. I'm just sticking around hoping someone invents a time machine lol Then I can fix me

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Both

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I was failed by my family/peers when I was on the path of becoming a social normal human being, being born autistic also played into that; I further "Failed" myself into that regard by reading into it too much, however I don't regret that and if I'd live again for some reason I'd choose no other life because that would mean to be oblivious of it all and I hate lies, the way I was lied by everyone as a child, set up for failure in the normal human world, how the truth about it all was concealed from me, I hate lies.

Don't beat yourself up people, life isn't worth living regardless, you can't "fail" at life, life itself is already a failed experiment, a torturous hell, you needn't respect this piece of shit and it's inhabitants who choose to keep spreading this disease and put it on a pedestal. This is the truth, we ought to have remained in the tens of thousands and eaten fruits the moment we'd have realised the futility of it all, when we'd have died out, we'd have died out and that would've been it.

However I can think outloud like this and yet in 300 years I can tell you wholeheartedly that there will be people who will not even be able to comprehend this message, just like my ideals have been spoken and dismissed before, "life is afraid to die" I say. We as individual thinkers and basically flesh computers are able to change that and end it once and for all, end survival as it is; so because of that, we still kept out genetic make up that aligns our interests with life and living. I know this sounds a bit of a reach but if you really think about it... I did just describe humans as a whole and if life could have a will it would probably want to make more of itself in whatever shape or form it could, wouldn't it? It already did after every mass extinction event, "life finds a way" should be a horror sentence, not some inspirational quote, HA!

 

[copioushopelessness]

Both

 

[WeepingWorm]

Both. I had tremendous potential and was an overachiever for the first half of my life, achieving something even on a nationwide level, then went downhill. The hand I was dealt with has some downright fatal cards, and it pains me to see some have it all just for existing in better conditions. A min-max sort of thing where I was made with great gifts on one hand, but with negatives that would absolutely define and break any person's life.
But within that humble spot that I got, it was definitely my fault. Yet, I don't care for being in that spot to begin with, i realize that now. I wouldn't have been happy. I would have been miserable in any case.