Were you anxious abt not fitting in when you became a member here?

[Brokenwithbpd]

Because I sure am. I don't know if you guys actually do this "introducing oneself" thing here but here you go:

Hi, I'm new.
I wanna start by saying that my heart goes out to each and every one of you in this forum. How the hell did we end up here? I shouldn't be here, you shouldn't be here, this forum shouldn't even exist in the first place but here we are. What a fucking cruel thing this supposedly beautiful thing called life is. Because that's what I'm being told constantly: "Life is beautiful." Funny, doesn't feel that way at all to me.
I'm 29, I have a eating disorder, ADD + a chronic illness. All three have destroyed my life and now I can add "clinical depression" to that list. I'm currently unemployed and I had to move back to my parents'.
I was bullied, made fun of and marginalized in school. Beat by a family member. Never have had a sense of belonging. I'm so used to being rejected that even in here, I'm scared of not fitting in and being ignored like I've always been. Hence my question.

I feel so worthless. Unworthy. A burden, that's all I am at this point. I'm terrified. I'm just so so terrified. Of everything. And I'm mad. Mad at myself for being sick, mad at life for constantly throwing shit at me meanwhile all I can do is watch my few friends that I have left living a healthy, normal, fulfilling life. I try not to be jealous, I'm honestly happy for them but I'm just so tired of standing on the sidelines and just watching. Fuck this. Fuck all of it.

Anyway, I hope I can have a small family here that I can talk to about how bad I REALLY feel. And to accompany me down the road to freedom and peace when all of this is hopefully over. Nice to meet you all.

You not alone. I'm fairly new here too. It's been a month on here I think. Welcome. We appreciate you

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I have not read all the replies, when I joined this place in april 2019, I worried about fitting in, then I realised it isn't about fitting in, as everyone is in a different place, its about feeling comfortable, and being able to speak freely without fear.
This forum does that, I don't care about fitting in any longer, I care about my place as a being in this forum, that is all.

 

[WaitingForMyRide]

A little bit but I realized that many of us are in the same boat.

 

[FuneralCry]

I will never fit in or belong anywhere in this world no matter what. That is a fact. I'm simply not meant for living and theres nothing for me here.