Discussion Well today's it

[fluorescentpearl]

Good morning world, today is the day, do I shower for it? I wouldn't feel pretty anyway, I've felt useless and worthless and hideous ever since he left, no idea if it matters if I fall with greasy hair or without

 

[bipolar22]

Well shower aint gonna matter. Gonna be rotting flesh and pee and shit. Either way. All the power to you. I had many attempts and its HARD. good luck buddy.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

Well shower aint gonna matter. Gonna be rotting flesh and pee and shit. Either way. All the power to you. I had many attempts and its HARD. good luck buddy.

Gonna fall off a 15 story building! Hopefully it'll kill me right away
I woke up with the pressing heavy feeling of my love thinking I betrayed him in a past life, even though I likely didn't (if all the readings and meditations point the right way), I hope once I'm dead he'll realize he was wrong

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you find peace

 

[Die.A.Ria]

I hope you find the peace you deserve!

 

[darksouls]

peace and love to you, my friend

 

[kordonfb]

Do as you wish. You have the right for that. Whether showered or not. If you want to look clean when someone finds you then its ok. But if you dont care about that then nevermind.

I will be coming soon too. after you.

Though i liked that " today is the day " reference :D

 

[iveseenfootage]

Whatever happens, I hope you find peace.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I'll update in a few hours when I go out to do it, since I'll be alone,I'd like to at least tell Someone

 

[kordonfb]

Gonna fall off a 15 story building! Hopefully it'll kill me right away
I woke up with the pressing heavy feeling of my love thinking I betrayed him in a past life, even though I likely didn't (if all the readings and meditations point the right way), I hope once I'm dead he'll realize he was wrong

I dont think so. people dont realize what was wrong. Whether you alive or dead. If someone wants to realize then they realize. Nothing can force someone to think the way you want to.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I dont think so. people dont realize what was wrong. Whether you alive or dead. If someone wants to realize then they realize. Nothing can force someone to think the way you want to.

I'm still going to have hope for it, my death is in his name and that will mean something

 

[kordonfb]

I'm still going to have hope for it, my death is in his name and that will mean something

And... they forget. Even you succeded what you did you still lose. Because they eventually forget. They forget the meaning you wanted to "mean something" them.

Hope is a sacred word. You should transfer that to something else. Or you can continue believing in false hope instead true. Im not trying to cancel your plan. Just wanted to say my opinion because im gonna do it anyway...

 

[fluorescentpearl]

And... they forget. Even you succeded what you did you still lose. Because they eventually forget. They forget the meaning you wanted to "mean something" them.

Hope is a sacred word. You should transfer that to something else. Or you can continue believing in false hope instead true. Im not trying to cancel your plan. Just wanted to say my opinion because im gonna do it anyway...

To me it means everything, whether he cares or not, at least I'll know I had given my everything

 

[kordonfb]

To me it means everything, whether he cares or not, at least I'll know I had given my everything

Then good luck my comrade. I admire your devotion. Its pure innocence in this hellish world...

 

[fluorescentpearl]

Then good luck my comrade. I admire your devotion. Its pure innocence in this hellish world...

I spent my entire life believing in always looking at the bright side and always appreciating people, never hating anyone for any reason, never using people for my benefit, I let this world ruin me after the rape, and I would rather die than live knowing I let this place ruin how I was.. Now my only hope is that once I'm gone people will be kind to themselves and live on well with me in their memory
Maybe I could share some things about myself before I'm gone
I identify with characters like kanna kamui and Shiro from no game no life, and Yachiyo from cosmic princess kaguya, Columbina from Genshin, my favorite colors are pink and purple, and some shades of blue
My favorite animals are dogs, they're so cute, so pretty and loyal and stuff..
I consider my mom my best friend, she means the world to me, she's always done her best to help me out of things, I hope she will live on happily and well once I'm gone, give herself time to grieve and move on
My favorite music bands are muse and Rammstein, mutter and psycho are my favorite songs (also stirb nicht vor mir)
My favorite food is pan fried thinly cut potatoes and wurstel medallions, a cheap meal but it's always felt so homey to me
There's part of me that's colder and more harsh, a side of me that loves darkness and doesn't trust people, that hates sweets and dresses very modest, that's aggressive to protect herself
I love rain, and the sea, my initial plan was to drown myself in the sea until I found out cold waters can help me survive.. And I live in North Europe, so the sea wouldn't take me, it would just save me, sadly
I adore ships, boats, naval things, my dream was to someday own a sailboat and go on small trips around the coast with my husband (that I'll never have)
Is it wrong for me to still call him my love, even if he's left me? Still call him my fiancee, I hope it isn't weird..
I also have two younger siblings that I adore, I know I don't deserve their respect and praise, I hope they can move on from being with my stepfather and live better lives, not end up like me, I believe in you poppy and I believe in you ekek you can live great lives without me, I promise

 

[kordonfb]

I spent my entire life believing in always looking at the bright side and always appreciating people, never hating anyone for any reason, never using people for my benefit, I let this world ruin me after the rape, and I would rather die than live knowing I let this place ruin how I was.. Now my only hope is that once I'm gone people will be kind to themselves and live on well with me in their memory
Maybe I could share some things about myself before I'm gone
I identify with characters like kanna kamui and Shiro from no game no life, and Yachiyo from cosmic princess kaguya, Columbina from Genshin, my favorite colors are pink and purple, and some shades of blue
My favorite animals are dogs, they're so cute, so pretty and loyal and stuff..
I consider my mom my best friend, she means the world to me, she's always done her best to help me out of things, I hope she will live on happily and well once I'm gone, give herself time to grieve and move on
My favorite music bands are muse and Rammstein, mutter and psycho are my favorite songs (also stirb nicht vor mir)
My favorite food is pan fried thinly cut potatoes and wurstel medallions, a cheap meal but it's always felt so homey to me
There's part of me that's colder and more harsh, a side of me that loves darkness and doesn't trust people, that hates sweets and dresses very modest, that's aggressive to protect herself
I love rain, and the sea, my initial plan was to drown myself in the sea until I found out cold waters can help me survive.. And I live in North Europe, so the sea wouldn't take me, it would just save me, sadly
I adore ships, boats, naval things, my dream was to someday own a sailboat and go on small trips around the coast with my husband (that I'll never have)
Is it wrong for me to still call him my love, even if he's left me? Still call him my fiancee, I hope it isn't weird..
I also have two younger siblings that I adore, I know I don't deserve their respect and praise, I hope they can move on from being with my stepfather and live better lives, not end up like me, I believe in you poppy and I believe in you ekek you can live great lives without me, I promise

I liked your message because it motivated me for an instance. I think about all the crap I have to do today and then now Im thinking about your message. it did make me want to get going for an instance. Sadly ill do what i must too...

Now im thinking about my fav music band even i did go to concert of my fav band they came to İstanbul recently.
My fav. wuva and impact characters...
My favourite league characters... damn i was slipping the floor with darius morde and sett.

Anyway... its so sad that and im so broken, even speaking about my special favourites hurts me and i cant think properly.

You are so brave and i respect you more for sharing your thoughts.

And its not wrong. you can call any person loved one in your hearth. Whether they love you or not.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I liked your message because it motivated me for an instance. I think about all the crap I have to do today and then now Im thinking about your message. it did make me want to get going for an instance. Sadly ill do what i must too...

Now im thinking about my fav music band even i did go to concert of my fav band they came to İstanbul recently.
My fav. wuva and impact characters...
My favourite league characters... damn i was slipping the floor with darius morde and sett.

Anyway... its so sad that and im so broken, even speaking about my special favourites hurts me and i cant think properly.

You are so brave and i respect you more for sharing your thoughts.

And its not wrong. you can call any person loved one in your hearth. Whether they love you or not.

If this kind of peace is what you seek then I can't change it, but you seem like a wonderful person, I'm sure had I planned my day any later I would've loved to be your friend
You deserve peace and to enjoy things, whether they'll be the last or not, I spent my last week moping and in bed, unable to play my favorite games and eat my favorite food, I like to think that's also an okay way to go out, maybe people think I hate them now but once I'm dead they'll read my last posts and be at peace knowing I did truly love them, it's never too late to let the world know you care about anything

And yeah.. Maybe, I just hope I won't end up another "crazy ex" that's ruined everything just for the chance to love someone, I'm loyal and dedicated through and through, I always knew once I'd fall once I'd never give myself to anyone else ever again..
Even when I was in elementary I freaked out a boy who liked me by telling him if we got together I'd never leave and we'd get married, it seems that's just how I am as a person, sadly I thought the man I fell for was the same, gave him my virginity and first kiss and let him put a ring on my finger, let myself be ill and vulnerable around him, which seems to have been for nothing, or well at least it was something for me
Also thank you for talking to me while I go, I don't have anyone else to be with, it's nice to tell someone my thoughts and get a response while I'm going to do what I can't come back from
Once I'm gone all my thoughts will have never existed, in a way, it's nice to know someone will carry them in mind