Help Well I’m back. Again. Narcissistic former boss refuses to give me a reference

[madbananas]

I've worked my ass off to get where I am, to get my degree. My first job as a professional graduate and this woman comes in, gets hired from employee to senior boss and basically is narcissistic allowing staff to bully one another, I have since found out that she has always enjoyed cliques. Well anyway I was harassed for having mental health issues and being autistic. I eventually left the job and have since reported it to higher up and now investigations are happening and all of a sudden she is refusing to give a reference for a job even though she gave me a reference for the job I left her workplace for. I'm actually exhausted with everything. I was feeling good, well into recovery having escaped from how bad the environment was including the psychological abuse. Now she's retaliating. There truly isn't any protection for those who have been bullied and harassed, especially when it's from a boss. Policies don't mean anything they are just words on a document. I'm truly done being screwed over by people and having people control my life. Just wanting to escape from it all. I didn't ask to be born and every time things start to get better I'm faced with a huge hurdle.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really awful how humans are just so cruel and create even more suffering. But anyway I wish you the best, to me it's certainly understandable just wishing to escape from it all.

 

[todienomore]

I've worked my ass off to get where I am, to get my degree. My first job as a professional graduate and this woman comes in, gets hired from employee to senior boss and basically is narcissistic allowing staff to bully one another, I have since found out that she has always enjoyed cliques. Well anyway I was harassed for having mental health issues and being autistic. I eventually left the job and have since reported it to higher up and now investigations are happening and all of a sudden she is refusing to give a reference for a job even though she gave me a reference for the job I left her workplace for. I'm actually exhausted with everything. I was feeling good, well into recovery having escaped from how bad the environment was including the psychological abuse. Now she's retaliating. There truly isn't any protection for those who have been bullied and harassed, especially when it's from a boss. Policies don't mean anything they are just words on a document. I'm truly done being screwed over by people and having people control my life. Just wanting to escape from it all. I didn't ask to be born and every time things start to get better I'm faced with a huge hurdle.

maybe you can get a reference from that higher up.

 

[madbananas]

It's really awful how humans are just so cruel and create even more suffering. But anyway I wish you the best, to me it's certainly understandable just wishing to escape from it all.

It's so difficult. How people want to control others and have no empathy. She just is incriminating herself more by essentially throwing her dummy out the pram now she's guessed I reported her. I don't know what she expected though she chose to ignore everything and contribute to the bullying. Gaslit me the nth degree. I'm sick of having to be slaves to people especially the majority of bosses being narcissistic. I have found a couple of people now who are happy to be my referees. I just wish the system was there more to protect people who've experienced what I have and because it was my first job in the profession I didn't have any other manager referees. Thank you for your empathy and commenting I'm feeling a bit better now. Unfortunately I'm just waiting on the next big hurdle to show up randomly.

maybe you can get a reference from that higher up.

I've found two people who I worked with who are going to do them for me and the workplace have said that even though they are same level as me and not senior staff it is fine. Thank you for the suggestion though. I will 100% speak to that higher up person again though (they are the highest up you can go) and voice how doing my duty and reporting abusive behaviour can be detrimental to the reporters career. It's a flawed (or straight up useless) system.