Venting well i got what i wanted

[halleyscomet]

if you've seen me on this forum, you've probably seen me whine a lot about how i want to be loved and appreciated.

well, today i went to work as usual and my coworker said something really unexpected to me. we were joking around about girls, the man is desperate for a girlfriend and i've been trying to be his wingwoman. he told me how he is so afraid to talk to woman and i joked with him being like "welll you must see me as one of the dudes then".

and he paused and said: "well you're just different to other people op, you're just a really lovely person to talk to yk? you care.".

i didn't know what to think, i laughed it off but in reality i was choking back tears. this is the only time someone has recognized how hard i've been trying to comfort those around me, to be the person i've needed all these years. the first time someone has actually expressed joy about having to spend time with me.

i should be happy right? all my hard work is paying off, i'm finally bringing something of value to this shitty world even if it's really small, right?

but i'm not. i feel fucking miserable. i feel so tired. i feel so useless. it just makes me want to ctb even more, and i don't know why.

i mean all i've been after all these years is a bit of appreciation and i get it and i'm even more fucking miserable? it makes no sense.

i think i'm fucked no matter what i do, i'm going to be miserable either way. i thought i could find some solace, some comfort in being there for others, but i don't think anything will bring me peace. i might be left with no choice but to ctb.

and i know i'm being overdramatic about this, and i hate myself for it. i mean take the fucking compliment right? but i just can't, it's so painful and i don't know why.

 

[EternalDreams]

your feelings are valid, you're not being overdramatic at all.

hugs, it's very overwhelming receiving compliment/s when you're not used to getting one.

 

[grahf]

I'm sorry about your situation, I see a lot your reply to someone, even we are never interact I thought you are lovely person who try to comfort other, this world need person like you
What ever you choose I hope you find peace
Sorry broken english

 

[INTJme]

i think i'm fucked no matter what i do, i'm going to be miserable either way. i thought i could find some solace, some comfort in being there for others, but i don't think anything will bring me peace. i might be left with no choice but to ctb.

Not trying to demotivate you but I've tried the entire being there for others thing, even professionally, but for some reason it made me worse. Maybe I felt somewhat jealous that my assistance was uplifting people to greater heights and successes but my own internal world still kept on crumbling? I dunno.

 

[rozeske]

No you are not being over dramatic. When you've been so exhausted giving your all and not getting anything back in return, one compliment wouldn't also comfort me much, it just ends up upsetting me somehow. You are not being ungrateful. The world is just stingy when it comes to paying back the kind and good ones. One small drop is not going to quench my thirst of recognition, it's not going to soak my heart that's been cracked dry of lack of appreciation. But I guess it's not enough but it could be a good start? I mean unlike others that get appreciation after appreciation for no apparent reason, some of us are forced to take compliment whenever and wherever we can get it. So I say try not to fight off and push those away....am not sure if am making sense.

 

[SVEN]

Perhaps this one, unexpected, acknowledgement of your kindness and support coming out of the blue like this just suddenly underlined how much others may seem to have taken your being there for them for granted.
I get that this one "thanks for being there" could cause unintended distress by reminding you of so many years of lack of appreciation.
Nothing I can say will assist I fear, just that you have been heard and are not entirely alone in your distress.
Best wishes.

 

[BrainShower]

I have been in your shoes and fully understand.
I hope you realize how great you are. Because I would love to have a person like you in my life. Who is happy with a small piece of a giant pie that others seem to endlessly devour?
Anyway, I wish you the best and hope you can find your peace any way you can in this world.

 

[bac-9271]

Well then what is the issue? Do you have something specific that makes you feel suicidal? Or is just a feeling you can't shake off? What is the root cause?
If it all stems from the need to be loved and appreciate, you already have friends and coworkers.
I'm not trying to be rude in any way whatsoever. I'm just curious.

 

[RedDoor]

I can relate to that, no matter what happens. If even the best outcome of something comes. It feels worthless like it's nothing. I just go back to being depressed as usual 1 minute1 later. Validation from people, earning money being successful even resting all don't give the feeling its supposed to. That's not even the big problem, the big problem is that when i fail it's hurts like hell. I feel even more worthless everytime. So basically no matter what it's always depressing and worthless

A terrible curse